The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread

[Turk February]

My weirdest one I think is one time a guy sold me some MDMA in the bathrooms and it got me way too high. I took a stripper to the private room and she went "well. You know you can touch me". And I felt too high to tell her I was way too high so I just said I had a wife. No real conflict. Just extremely awkward for everyone involved.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I just got four bagels with cream cheese because I was ridiculously hungry. I ate one and I'm completely full. What now? What do I do with these three bagels? I'm thinking I'll just keep eating them anyways so I feel uncomfortable all day.

 

[Sean Baird]

Another thing I remember from that weird night...I spoke with a Latina stripper, and asked her where she's from. She said "Chile originally", and I remembered hearing/reading about a massive Chile earthquake, and told her...She had no idea and I freaked her out, next thing I know she's calling long distance and very worried over family.

This happened night of, or following night to this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_Chile_earthquake I remember it like it's yesterday

I remember only seeing her become "human" the moment she became worried, she was all business mode until then.

You have a small dick and have never had sex lol

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

High Chief Rodney Snowgoose

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I just had an amazing idea for next year's Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular. A money eating competition. We eat money.

 

[Sean Baird]

 

[iBangedQuasi]

-Goes to club in Mississauga
-Skinny 6ft tall Russian approaches as soon as I walk in...correctly guesses Im Somali/Ethio/Eritrean or what not...all kissy ass, rubs crotch, all impressed etc.
-Literally talk for 2 mins, tell her "Direct me to one of your big booty hoes..." and she's all chipper and goes "k, will do...just give me $20 for my time"
-I seethe, "bitch...only woman who will see my cash is the one who goes in the VIP room with me"
-Gets racist, "I knew this was fucked. you're poor". Im lol'ing and dismissive
-2 mins later supervisor dweeb and new bouncer on his first day come. Try to make an example out of me. "Pay up dude"
-"No"
-Grabs me in bear hug. Lifts me up, swings my lightweight azz every which way
-Supervisor dweeb tells my friend (Jamaican guy) they know where he parked off site, they know his plates. Whatever that means
-Jamaican friend is scared. "Boq, just pay the $20 bro! just pay it!"
-Me still being swung around: "Wallahi Im not! BRO DONT GIVE THESE FUCKS A DIME! THEY ARE ROBBING US BRO! (utters Islamic prayers, freak out new boucer guy, who wasn't even really hurting me, just swinging me around while my feet are above floor lol)
-They realize Im like a nut/ got "dig-nuh-tee" or whatever, and their bluff doesn't work, they just kick us out.

EVERYONE in the club gathered around to watch and record "Worldstar!!!" etc.

When we left, my friend tells me "I thought they're gonna kill you bro...holee shit".

Ahh memories.

None of this happened btw.
"Rubs crotch"

You are a homosexual, confirmed

 

[iBangedQuasi]

<--- got in a fist fight in Kitchener on Christmas break once. They literally took off their shirts, and it was snowing, Then shook our hands when it was over, "good fight guy" lol.

Also got in a fight in Brantford. Brantford in the 2010s was ROUGH af.

Lol

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

I don't really have any interesting strip club stories. The coolest one was in Hull and I think I was underage.

That's the only one I've ever been to. I was all fucked up on mda and coke (this was before penis chinese penis changed my life) and probably hammered. After five minutes I felt like I was in the waiting room to hell - I couldn't figure out why the fuck anybody would want to be there. All the old depressed looking guys sitting up near the stage made me want to throw up. The girl who was dancing was pretty I guess but she also looked dead inside.

Shit sucks tbh

 

[Turk February]

I just got four bagels with cream cheese because I was ridiculously hungry. I ate one and I'm completely full. What now? What do I do with these three bagels? I'm thinking I'll just keep eating them anyways so I feel uncomfortable all day.

You gotta eat them. If you don't you'll get house geese. And they don't fuck around.

 

[Turk February]

Was the extremely aggressive goose always a Canadian stereotype? I feel like that's something that's come about in my adulthood. I do remember though one time the Waterloo Region spent a shit tonne of money to chase the geese out, not understanding they can just fly back later.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

T shirt idea:
"I spilled my KD at Wasaga Beach and all I got was this frickin shirt!" with a photo of a car hitting and killing an eskimo underneath. Maybe a canadian flag with a red pot leaf replacing the maple leaf on the back

 

[Turk February]

I think I've had too much ghost Pepper burgers in the last few days. My entire digestive system is fucked and even locally sourced dog piss isn't helping.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Was the extremely aggressive goose always a Canadian stereotype? I feel like that's something that's come about in my adulthood. I do remember though one time the Waterloo Region spent a shit tonne of money to chase the geese out, not understanding they can just fly back later.

Everyone always knew you shouldn't fuck with them, but nobody ever talked about it before retards started trying to take selfies with them because everyone just understood you leave them alone.

 

[Turk February]

Everyone always knew you shouldn't fuck with them, but nobody ever talked about it before retards started trying to take selfies with them because everyone just understood you leave them alone.

I remember swans being the feared bird as a kid. Now there's like merch. Genuine shirts. Telling you to stay away from geese.

 

[Turk February]

I remember swans being the feared bird as a kid. Now there's like merch. Genuine shirts. Telling you to stay away from geese.

Fucking Trudeau government must have empowered them.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

When I was a kid I remember one sat on my dad's ball on a golf course and he was like "well that one's gone." I offered to distract the goose and he thought about it for a minute and was like "nah, better not." He didn't call the police because the heckin' cobra chicken stole his property.

 

[Turk February]

Also. When did we start having daylight in this stupid country. It's not very cyberpunk at all. Fucking liberals.

 

[Turk February]

Im trying to listen to Icelandic rave while bothering my lawyer to get me out of work and there's a fucking sun out? That's bullshit.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

In trying to listen to Icelandic rave while bothering my lawyer to get me out of work and there's a fucking sun out? That's bullshit.

It's a sign from God that you should at least go out and have a dart while you let some sun hit you mustache