Weirdest, most random bodily functions you've experienced?

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Im obviously joking

I believed it. Bobby Kelly apparently blew a black load after he had a vasectomy and showed a bunch of comics a picture of it.

 

[DMAN]

I also have this thing where sometimes when I get out of my truck and it sits high because has snow plow package, i feel this tear from inside my crotch down the back of my leg, happens both sides, then cold stream I'm guessing blood running down inside, no doctor can tell me what it is, been to orthopedics,surgeons that do hernia operations down to general family doctors and they just look at me like i'm nuts and say they have no idea

It might be the seams in your clothing rubbing against your leg hair?

 

[NortheastPhilly]

I believed it. Bobby Kelly apparently blew a black load after he had a vasectomy and showed a bunch of comics a picture of it.

Jesus Christ

 

[lowend73]

Whenever I get super stressed out, my fucking jaw will pop. That one part where the maxilla meets the mandible joint. It will feel like it pops out of socket and back in. Also, grinding my teeth has gotten worse. Will wake up, yawn, then "pop".

If I don't drink enough water, my kidneys start to really fucking hurt. Feels like I pulled something in my lower back. Which is weird, because im not a six pack of soda or energy drinks or any bullshit like that.

Also, ever get those "floaters" in your eye? Looks like a gnat flying around, has gotten me fooled more than once.

I blame the military for all that shit, really glad I didn't overdo it on the drinking and drugs. Lots of people in our age range are on deaths door.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

Years ago I worked in a Fab shop welding, one day noticed this blue/black dot like what would get with a ingrown hair that I tried squeezing to get out but couldn't, it kept getting bigger and I couldn't get it out, so got pissed one day and sliced area with a new utility razor blade then squeezed it, this gob of cheeze with black thing in center pops out, it was bigger than a oblong bb, i put a magnet to it and it stuck, this thing was located on my left arm/shoulder hidden under shirt sleeves a place I never got any metal stuck

 

[NortheastPhilly]

I blame the military for all that shit

Did we just become best friends?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Years ago I worked in a Fab shop welding, one day noticed this blue/black dot like what would get with a ingrown hair that I tried squeezing to get out but couldn't, it kept getting bigger and I couldn't get it out, so got pissed one day and sliced area with a new utility razor blade then squeezed it, this gob of cheeze with black thing in center pops out, it was bigger than a oblong bb, i put a magnet to it and it stuck, this thing was located on my left arm/shoulder hidden under shirt sleeves a place I never got any metal stuck

You got abducted by aliens, sport.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

It might be the seams in your clothing rubbing against your leg hair?

Nah, its internal, the blood running down the inside of leg is creepiest part

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

You got abducted by aliens, sport.

Good, I think ex wife had it when she left, joke is on her

 

[lowend73]

It has been happening more frequently, but sleep paralysis.

One time I was sitting in a room (dream) and looking at a chair. The chair starts to fold inwards, and everything turns black. I could feel a sense of fucking dread. Something came out of the dark and I couldn't move or even yell myself awake.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

Whenever I get super stressed out, my fucking jaw will pop. That one part where the maxilla meets the mandible joint. It will feel like it pops out of socket and back in. Also, grinding my teeth has gotten worse. Will wake up, yawn, then "pop".

If I don't drink enough water, my kidneys start to really fucking hurt. Feels like I pulled something in my lower back. Which is weird, because im not a six pack of soda or energy drinks or any bullshit like that.

Also, ever get those "floaters" in your eye? Looks like a gnat flying around, has gotten me fooled more than once.

I blame the military for all that shit, really glad I didn't overdo it on the drinking and drugs. Lots of people in our age range are on deaths door.

Yeah not enough water it will feel like you were punched in kidneys until you drink a bunch of water, get the floaters at times, there is a lot of shit younger guys don't know thats coming with age that older timers won't say because of being embarrassed, found a couple talk about dick not working no more and need viagra but only works for some its not a works for everyone cure the other I was told you start pissing yourself at night when sleeping

 

[KaNAMBLA Harris]

One time I was taking a piss and in the middle of it, got this sharp pain. It went away after I pissed. I can only assume it was a very tiny minor little kidney stone, because it hasn't happened before or since.

Was the pain right above your dick? In the no man’s land between the bottom of your stomach and top of your piece?

I get that too sometimes. And it’s like a stretching pain

Very mysterious

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Yeah not enough water it will feel like you were punched in kidneys until you drink a bunch of water, get the floaters at times, there is a lot of shit younger guys don't know thats coming with age that older timers won't say because of being embarrassed

I drink water compulsively as a spaz behavior and I'm scared that's that's gonna fuck me over one day, like overusing my kidney's is gonna turn into cancer or something.

 

[Jack_Horner]

I have heartburn and acid reflux most of the time. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with it really bad and I have to sit up straight for a while. I always pound water when it happens too, which seems to make it worse. I went to the doctor about it at one point and he didn't seem to get that it was a problem and he just told me to eat Tums lol. My mom takes some prescription pills for it that work incredibly well.

That eventually put me in the hospital and I came fairly close to dying. A relative of mine died from a gastrointestinal bleed, so it's probably something that runs in the family. I've wound up in the hospital on three separate occasions from reflux that was so bad, I was basically curled up in a ball and couldn't move for a couple of hours. My medical bills this year have been about $150,000 but it's better than being dead.

I used to drink like a fish and I quit but it's still touch and go. Drinking definitely did do me any favors.

The kicker is that my doctor put me on proton pump inhibitors and now it's 100% gone. I could've avoided a shit ton of misery if I'd just started that 25 years ago.

People on PPIs have a higher incidence of early death, and that was one of the reasons I'd avoided them. But the truth is likely that it's not the PPIs that's killing them, it's the GERD

 

[ChimpanZ]

Yeah not enough water it will feel like you were punched in kidneys until you drink a bunch of water, get the floaters at times, there is a lot of shit younger guys don't know thats coming with age that older timers won't say because of being embarrassed, found a couple talk about dick not working no more and need viagra but only works for some its not a works for everyone cure the other I was told you start pissing yourself at night when sleeping

 

[SoloJoeAcousticShow]

Digestive issues. Like, imagine your breath one morning just starting to reek, but you can't get rid of the smell with anything, it comes from deep down. It's hard to even start to describe the smell, imagine if you ever smelt pure sulfur. Burps made the whole room smell like a thousand rotten eggs in a hundred dirty snatches at once. And you start burping on average about 40 times an hour. Then it just went away after like 4 days. I was about to go to my ThroatNoseEar guy or kill myself. No other symptoms.

 

[Patrick O'Neal]

I got a fly in my eye when cycling. Nothing too odd. About an hour later, over the course of an hour, some strange visuals built up in the eye to a full-on psychedelic light show. I thought I must have eaten some rotten bread and got ergot poisoning or something. I had taken some kratom earlier so I googled that and I found out it can sometimes have visual effects. I've taken it 100 times without any so it's rather odd that a very gentle eye scratch led to a Pink Floyd light show in my baby blues but there you go.

I sometimes get vertigo at the top of steps. It took me ages to figure that out because it feels exactly like I've just stepped on a wobbly step. It even happened on a curb once, which is pretty crazy that a 3-inch height can lead to that camera effect that Alfred Hitchcock invented for the movie 'Vertigo' that I can't be bothered to look up.

 

[Nick Gerlips]

I used to get a feeling on my asshole like it was being stabbed with a knife when I had to take a shit. Made it hard to walk to the bathroom without spilling shit all over the floor.

 

[Imager]

The occasional full leg cramp that happens when I'm all comfortable and just about to fall asleep is the one I could most do without. Flying low over the Land of Nod, got my clearance to land, think I'll have a lil stretch before touchdown... Nope. Leg locks up, tendon tightens like a bowstring. Pure can't-even-holler pain, I must look hilarious twitching my other limbs and writhing around like a spaz.

Flex your leg (move your foot perpendicular to your leg) or stand up and if you’re fast enough it will not happen. You’ll avoid all pain.

 

[Imager]

Digestive issues. Like, imagine your breath one morning just starting to reek, but you can't get rid of the smell with anything, it comes from deep down. It's hard to even start to describe the smell, imagine if you ever smelt pure sulfur. Burps made the whole room smell like a thousand rotten eggs in a hundred dirty snatches at once. And you start burping on average about 40 times an hour. Then it just went away after like 4 days. I was about to go to my ThroatNoseEar guy or kill myself. No other symptoms.

Ulcerative colitis