Weirdest, most random bodily functions you've experienced?

[DMAN]

Oh I also experience sharp short pain in my jaw on my first chew. It goes as fast as it comes and only if I have not chewed in a long time. I can't even fake it like pretending to chew, it doesn't work

I hate that thing that happens when I open my jaw up, or I look straight down at my feet and my jaw will cramp.

 

[DMAN]

I am also incredibly phobic of my muscles tearing, or falling off the bone when I'm lifting something heavy. Also the beds of my feet tearing from the rest of the foot. Or my ankles snapping/twisting like Sid Vicious off the top rope.

 

[Sue Lightning]

Jesus Christ, you didn't take a proper shit for five fucking years? I've only been constipated once in my life and it was pretty painful.

My dad's buddy's kid was straight up afraid of shitting when he was little and it resulted in some medical emergency from holding all his dumps.

Nigga, You didn't take a shit for 5 years? You should have led with that statement alone. I can understand 2 maybe 3 days at most. As a kid I used to shit like once a week until my health teachers shamed me.

Pretty much what Abes dads buddys kid went through. The irony though is being that constipated isn’t painful really.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

The occasional full leg cramp that happens when I'm all comfortable and just about to fall asleep is the one I could most do without. Flying low over the Land of Nod, got my clearance to land, think I'll have a lil stretch before touchdown... Nope. Leg locks up, tendon tightens like a bowstring. Pure can't-even-holler pain, I must look hilarious twitching my other limbs and writhing around like a spaz.

 

[DMAN]

The occasional full leg cramp that happens when I'm all comfortable and just about to fall asleep is the one I could most do without. Flying low over the Land of Nod, got my clearance to land, think I'll have a lil stretch before touchdown... Nope. Leg locks up, tendon tightens like a bowstring. Pure can't-even-holler pain, I must look hilarious twitching my other limbs and writhing around like a spaz.

A leg cramp will make me dramatically sell the leg like its old Memphis style. I hate the fact that it's a battle against my own body and I can't hit or blame anyone else.

It's funny that you mention airplanes because for some reason I always think of a plane crash when I get a leg cramp. Both manmade and divine creations experience disastrous malfunction sometime.

 

[White nigger slayer]

This thread should be for the ones you can't really explain. So don't tell us you have a bad shoulder or knees from playing football or something.

One time I was taking a piss and in the middle of it, got this sharp pain. It went away after I pissed. I can only assume it was a very tiny minor little kidney stone, because it hasn't happened before or since.

When I was a lot younger, if I had eaten something spicy for dinner the night before, my morning shower would mostly consist of dealing with heartburn as my mouth watered and leaked very warm saliva that I would just drool down the drain. I'm sure it contained a fair bit of that stomach digestive acid, or whatever. Taking deep breaths helped slow it down. It stopped happening for a while, but came back recently, and it was the first time I ever vomited in the shower. It was a quick piping hot burst of orange vomit, and I was fine afterwards. Now I don't even need to eat anything spicy to get heartburn in the middle of the night. It just happens now.

Recently drank a bunch of coffee in the middle of the night. I think I smoked too much weed too, because as I was laying in bed, I started involuntarily shaking. I couldn't even hold my phone or type anything. This never happens to me during the day, or other nights when I used to drink black coffee. I was literally shaking!!! I've also woken up with my entire body shaking, almost like a seizure, being unable to move, but it wears off after a few seconds. I think it happens when I sleep on my arm the wrong way, and it goes numb.

My left shoulder cracks/pops when I raise both arms straight up over my head. I think something happened but I can't exactly recall, my whole left side is a tad weaker than the right side. My muscles on the left side look different too when I stare in the mirror too long. I'm an uneven fool.

My body odor and shits are starting to smell very similar. It's not a poop smell, it's more like a stewed tomato smelling thing. Sometimes a little taco seasoning smell. I used to be fairly accustomed to my own BO, now it smells like an entirely different person and grosses me out. I feel like it's related to losing my sense of scent and taste for 6 months 2 years ago.

Recently took a shit that came out pure green color. I forget exactly what I ate, but it was something blue with food coloring? It was shocking how perfectly green this shit was. I've also experienced my shit smelling like weed after I smoked weed, but this hasn't happened to me in many years.

I've never had a cavity in my life, but I have started developing little food pockets where the teeth meets the gumline. It must be my gums receding. I've had a fair bit of gum bleeding lately as well.

I think I'm just getting old.

my morning shower would mostly consist of dealing with heartburn as my mouth watered and leaked very warm saliva that I would just drool down the drain.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

my morning shower would mostly consist of dealing with heartburn as my mouth watered and leaked very warm saliva that I would just drool down the drain.

I have heartburn and acid reflux most of the time. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with it really bad and I have to sit up straight for a while. I always pound water when it happens too, which seems to make it worse. I went to the doctor about it at one point and he didn't seem to get that it was a problem and he just told me to eat Tums lol. My mom takes some prescription pills for it that work incredibly well.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

My jaw clicks because I grind my teeth at night. I guess you could say that I’m still on my grind when I sleep.

 

[MilwaukeeStrangler]

When I was just a fuckin’ kid I started shitting the bed and no one could figure out why. It wasn’t like when you’d take a dump in the toilet it’d be like brown leakage. Well I went to the hospital which I thought would be a day at most excursion. They did a few xrays, looked at my stomach, and low and behold I had a 5 year backup in my colon from not shitting for that entire time. The doctors told me if I hadn’t come to them it would have ruptured my colon and I would have died. From there was 2 weeks of hell. They tried to see if laxatives would work of which I had to drink 2 gallons worth. When I was physically unable I had a tube shoved down my nose and into my stomach to pump the fluids directly. After the entire 2 gallons was gone and I still didn’t shit they moved to a colonoscopy and then surgery. I still don’t know how they did it but they didn’t cut into me so i assume they spread my ass really wide and scraped it all out. They said it was the size of a grapefruit. Since then i’ve had no problems dropping hammers. Punching out folks.

Maybe Nicoleaky just had a grapefruit in her shitter

 

[aRTie02150]

See that's the type of thing that'll make me faint. I think just reading that did the trick.

I was young too, maybe 15 or 16. I remember being stunned when I shook my dick and seen the red drops on the inside of the bowl.

I actually called a nursing home that was down the street and asked if I can ask the lead nurse what it was and she didn't give me any answer that was helpful.

Good times being neglected by my parents and home alone dealing with shit like this.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I am also incredibly phobic of my muscles tearing, or falling off the bone when I'm lifting something heavy. Also the beds of my feet tearing from the rest of the foot. Or my ankles snapping/twisting like Sid Vicious off the top rope.

I tore a muscle in my forearm one time and it hurt like fuck. All I did was throw something awkwardly but I was dehydrated. I waited a day to go to the hospital and when I did they thought I broke my arm because it looked so fucked up. It was all swollen and bruised up.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

See that's the type of thing that'll make me faint. I think just reading that did the trick.

I had kidney stones during my hey day of narcotics and have this small pocket at end of cock head about inch in they aways get stuck, this bitch was bigger and sharper than ever had before I couldn't even sit straight, so took like six oxy 20's, got a pair of tweezers and stuck them up my dick hole and pulled it out, yes I missed a few times and pinched my dickhole

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I had kidney stones during my hey day of narcotics and have this small pocket at end of cock head about inch in they aways get stuck, this bitch was bigger and sharper than ever had before I couldn't even sit straight, so took like six oxy 20's, got a pair of tweezers and stuck them up my dick hole and pulled it out, yes I missed a few times and pinched my dickhole

Oh my God

 

[DMAN]

Oh my God

He's a savage. That story is basically like listening to someone talk about gnawing off their own arm to free themselves.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

He's a savage. That story is basically like listening to someone talk about gnawing off their own arm to free themselves.

It made my dick hurt.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

He's a savage. That story is basically like listening to someone talk about gnawing off their own arm to free themselves.

Yes, thats the point I was, where start getting desperate and have no way to kill the pain you start doing shit like that

 

[NortheastPhilly]

One time I came, and it was pitch black like ink

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

One time I came, and it was pitch black like ink

Some of the shit described here would make me commit suicide. Mainly the dick-related ailments.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

I am also incredibly phobic of my muscles tearing, or falling off the bone when I'm lifting something heavy. Also the beds of my feet tearing from the rest of the foot. Or my ankles snapping/twisting like Sid Vicious off the top rope.

I also have this thing where sometimes when I get out of my truck and it sits high because has snow plow package, i feel this tear from inside my crotch down the back of my leg, happens both sides, then cold stream I'm guessing blood running down inside, no doctor can tell me what it is, been to orthopedics,surgeons that do hernia operations down to general family doctors and they just look at me like i'm nuts and say they have no idea

 

[NortheastPhilly]

Some of the shit described here would make me commit suicide. Mainly the dick-related ailments.

Im obviously joking