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Was his name Mong Oloid?
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Meanest thing you ever did?
- Thread starter CumiaPoodle
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I got a co-worker fired by lying and telling management he was stealing because I was sick and fucking tired of listening to him talk about World of Warcraft and Metalica constantly. He would somehow find a way to insert either topic into the conversation if you talked to him long enough.
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One time back in like 9th grade a few of us went swimming at a local lake. After about an hour or so another group showed up, a family of 4 with towels, an umbrella and a picnic basket full of food. Once the family went out in the lake we all got out, dried off, got dressed and grabbed that basket of food like Yogi Bear and drove off with it. Nice home cooked burgers and cans of soda were inside it. Ate a few then threw the basket and the rest of the food off the bridge on the way home.
Still feel bad about that one. Don't get me wrong I have no issues fucking with people who deserve it like Pat or other pieces of shit out there but not innocent folks.
Still feel bad about that one. Don't get me wrong I have no issues fucking with people who deserve it like Pat or other pieces of shit out there but not innocent folks.
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one time i rubbed bbq sauce all over this fat kids truck for no good reason at all
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She was murdered, no? I mean, what are the odds?
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We used to tie door handles together on opposite sides of a narrow street then knock in the doors simultaneously & watch people have a tug-of-war with each other not knowing what was going on.
Over here fire hydrant access is in a 1ft square hole in ground, so we'd turn them on & someone would have to get into the vertical fountain with a pole to turn it off. One time this guy was doing it & the high-pressure water caught under his jacket & was pressuring out the neckhole, turning him into a man-fountain. It took him about 5 minutes in the icy winter.
I used to have jiggler-keys that fitted the lifts (elevators) at the local shopping centre, some broad I didn't like got in & we turned it off from the outside leaving her stuck in there, dunno how long for because we just left. She did kick me in the balls at school the next day, so hopefully it was hours.
Over here fire hydrant access is in a 1ft square hole in ground, so we'd turn them on & someone would have to get into the vertical fountain with a pole to turn it off. One time this guy was doing it & the high-pressure water caught under his jacket & was pressuring out the neckhole, turning him into a man-fountain. It took him about 5 minutes in the icy winter.
I used to have jiggler-keys that fitted the lifts (elevators) at the local shopping centre, some broad I didn't like got in & we turned it off from the outside leaving her stuck in there, dunno how long for because we just left. She did kick me in the balls at school the next day, so hopefully it was hours.
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I don't talk about this openly, but this is true.
I always place the blame for Calling All Stations' songwriting squarely on Mike and Tony, but the truth is, I did write the lyrics (not the musical composition, though) to just one of the songs: "Small Talk".
genius.com
... That's my "I'm still hilarious" moment. Better song than "Whodunit" though.
I always place the blame for Calling All Stations' songwriting squarely on Mike and Tony, but the truth is, I did write the lyrics (not the musical composition, though) to just one of the songs: "Small Talk".
Genesis – Small Talk
Don't talk back to me, don't talk back to me / Don't talk back to me, don't talk / Going round in circles, hearing too many points of view / Just words to tire me out, small talk I
genius.com
... That's my "I'm still hilarious" moment. Better song than "Whodunit" though.
G
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When I was about 15 we went on a school ski trip to Killington, Vermont. The teachers basically left us to our own devices and we behaved like fucking animals, shoplifting from the general store in the complex we were staying at, stealing food, porno mags, cigarettes and beer from the walk-in cooler. I shudder thinking back, knowing what I now know about the American justice system. It's a miracle none of us were caught. But the meaner thing came on the second to last day.
We were having lunch at some on-piste canteen and me and my friends Ed and Tristan got talking to this group of American girls probably a year or two older than us. Naturally they loved our accents ("ohmygod, you sound like Hugh Grant!" etc) and Tristan got one of their cell numbers. They mentioned where they were staying and it was left vague but being the zero game-having 15 year old horny shitheads that we were, we took it as understood that we should drop by later that night. To be clear, they didn't say anything of the sort.
So we say our farewells, ski all afternoon and eventually go back to the resort. By now we've built the whole thing up in our heads. We've staked our claims "I'll have the blonde one" and already started bragging to our classmates "You're not getting so much as a bit of tit and we're going to be balls deep in cheerleaders in a couple of hours" etc. We look up the place they're staying and it's a hike. There are no buses, we obviously don't have a car but it'll be worth it we say. We walk for almost an hour, mostly uphill, in the freezing snow. Every time we feel our spirits slipping we console each other with fantasies of what lies ahead. A bacchanal awaits us. Fucking, sucking, wine and song.
Finally, we get there. Their complex is a lot smaller than ours and their room is on the basement floor. We knock on the door. Which one will answer? In what state of undress will she greet us? Will we just get right into the sex or will there be an awkward "how was the trip" prologue? The door opens. There stood a massive shirtless guy of about 20 years old. Ed and I were over 6 foot at this point and this guy towered over us. He was also built like a brick shithouse. Dude looked to us like "high school jock" out of central casting.
"Help you?" he said.
I'd be lying if I said I remembered any of these girls' names but let's call the one Tristan chatted up "Kristy."
"Yeah, er, is Kristy here?" Tristan squeaked.
"Who are you?" said Chad.
"Er, we met her and Emma and Jessica (?) earlier on the slopes. They told us to come by."
We smell the sweet smell of weed and can hear girls giggling and music playing so there's still a glimmer of hope. There are other male voices though too. The guy says "wait a minute" closes the door and is gone for what seems a lot longer. He comes back with a grin on his face and shakes his head. "Wrong room" he says and slams the door. We hear an explosion of female laughter.
We stood there for a minute like three lemons, three defeated lemons. We know we're not going to knock on the door and take it further. The guy could probably have taken all three of us at the same time and there were others with him.
"Fuck it" said Ed as he dropped his trousers and took a squat outside their door. I didn't need a shit but did take a lengthy piss on the carpet outside their door. Ed left what looked like a brown kielbasa for the Bro or one of the cunts to tread in. It was such a bitch move but we were young pussies. It wasn't until years later that I realised that some poor cleaner had to scrub my mate's shit out of the floor. We trudged back angry and humiliated and got absolutely torn apart by the rest of the boys, gleeful to learn of our failure.
The next day, Tristan, who could do a good American accent, phoned up the girl and told her her dad had just been killed in a car accident. She started crying and he broke character and started laughing and saying "gotcha, bitch." What awful little pricks we were.
We were having lunch at some on-piste canteen and me and my friends Ed and Tristan got talking to this group of American girls probably a year or two older than us. Naturally they loved our accents ("ohmygod, you sound like Hugh Grant!" etc) and Tristan got one of their cell numbers. They mentioned where they were staying and it was left vague but being the zero game-having 15 year old horny shitheads that we were, we took it as understood that we should drop by later that night. To be clear, they didn't say anything of the sort.
So we say our farewells, ski all afternoon and eventually go back to the resort. By now we've built the whole thing up in our heads. We've staked our claims "I'll have the blonde one" and already started bragging to our classmates "You're not getting so much as a bit of tit and we're going to be balls deep in cheerleaders in a couple of hours" etc. We look up the place they're staying and it's a hike. There are no buses, we obviously don't have a car but it'll be worth it we say. We walk for almost an hour, mostly uphill, in the freezing snow. Every time we feel our spirits slipping we console each other with fantasies of what lies ahead. A bacchanal awaits us. Fucking, sucking, wine and song.
Finally, we get there. Their complex is a lot smaller than ours and their room is on the basement floor. We knock on the door. Which one will answer? In what state of undress will she greet us? Will we just get right into the sex or will there be an awkward "how was the trip" prologue? The door opens. There stood a massive shirtless guy of about 20 years old. Ed and I were over 6 foot at this point and this guy towered over us. He was also built like a brick shithouse. Dude looked to us like "high school jock" out of central casting.
"Help you?" he said.
I'd be lying if I said I remembered any of these girls' names but let's call the one Tristan chatted up "Kristy."
"Yeah, er, is Kristy here?" Tristan squeaked.
"Who are you?" said Chad.
"Er, we met her and Emma and Jessica (?) earlier on the slopes. They told us to come by."
We smell the sweet smell of weed and can hear girls giggling and music playing so there's still a glimmer of hope. There are other male voices though too. The guy says "wait a minute" closes the door and is gone for what seems a lot longer. He comes back with a grin on his face and shakes his head. "Wrong room" he says and slams the door. We hear an explosion of female laughter.
We stood there for a minute like three lemons, three defeated lemons. We know we're not going to knock on the door and take it further. The guy could probably have taken all three of us at the same time and there were others with him.
"Fuck it" said Ed as he dropped his trousers and took a squat outside their door. I didn't need a shit but did take a lengthy piss on the carpet outside their door. Ed left what looked like a brown kielbasa for the Bro or one of the cunts to tread in. It was such a bitch move but we were young pussies. It wasn't until years later that I realised that some poor cleaner had to scrub my mate's shit out of the floor. We trudged back angry and humiliated and got absolutely torn apart by the rest of the boys, gleeful to learn of our failure.
The next day, Tristan, who could do a good American accent, phoned up the girl and told her her dad had just been killed in a car accident. She started crying and he broke character and started laughing and saying "gotcha, bitch." What awful little pricks we were.
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I told my friend to ring the doorbell to this old bags door and we all know he HATED that and I told him I'll hold the door to the outside of the apartment building open for him. When he rung it he ran towards the door and I closed it and held it shut so he had no option but to run up a few flights of stairs and when the old guy came to the door he was giving me the pissy look so I pointed upstairs since I knew my friend ran there and he would get yelled at instead of me. I remember the guy saying 'ill break ya fuckin fingas if you do that again'. Funny shit.
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It’s being compiled daddy I can assure you
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Holy shit, you just made me remember something I haven't thought about in years. When I was a kid, there was some douche who lived a few doors down from me who was always blasting music from his shitty 80's Chevy Blazer. The worse part was the subwoofer. He fuckin' loved that piece of shit car. So I put a bunch of random crap into two gallon zip-lock bags (mayo, eggs, ranch dressing, milk, some ground beef; anything that would spoil) and I left it out in the sun in my backyard for a few days. A friend and I then dumped the rancid mixture all over the guy's windshield and driver's side door. The original plan was to dump it on his seats and dashboard, but the doors were locked, so we went back an hour or so later after collecting some dog shit and stuffed it into all the door handles and behind the gas door.
I wasn't around to see the reaction, but he didn't drive the car for a few days because, I'm assuming anyway, all the crap we dumped on the windshield dried and was caked on, not to mention the smell. My friend and I were having trouble dealing with it once we opened the bags. I had to burp them every day too so the bags didn't burst open.
Thanks for bringing this memory up, I'll be laughing like Mr. Burns when he reminisced about crashing a bumper car into an Irish maintenance guy.
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Everyone wants to know more about this $400,000 titty.
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Dude, read those fucking lyrics - mine is still worse.
Genesis – Small Talk
Don't talk back to me, don't talk back to me / Don't talk back to me, don't talk / Going round in circles, hearing too many points of view / Just words to tire me out, small talk I
genius.com
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Thats hilarious, reminds of this raid I was doing last night
Did you know that you can enchant armor that has been cursed and it actually makes it better?
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A friend once through an egg while we were going 80mph and it nailed him in the spine. I hope he's alright
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My buddy had these flesh colored bike shorts that he wanted to make use of for some kind of prank so we put him in the trunk wearing nothing else and kept it unlatched. It was dark out, probably 9 or 10 and we pull up to this woman in her 40's who was carrying groceries. One of my friends rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Miss but do you know where the nearest body of water is?" and the "naked" kid popped out of the trunk and ran at her. She screamed hysterically, fell to the ground and her groceries went everywhere. Might be the funniest thing I've ever witnessed in person but I wouldn't be surprised if that lady went full hermit after that.
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This is fucking phenomenal
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She was Salvadoran so her being murdered is as equally possible as her being a drunk retarded bitch
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I smeared dog shit on all 4 door handles of a car, and all over the windows.
We were in that bored 13-15 age period right before any of us could drive, and we would just go around the neighborhood doing shit that was just mean and the victims were completely innocent. I’ll get my karma for that one day.
There was an Iraq War vet that we made life absolute hell for, because he would actually chase us through the neighborhood and make it fun. He had issues.
We would shit in boxes and put them on his porch, dumping all kinds of drinks on his welcome mat. One time he caught up to our one fat friend straggling behind and gave him the business. The thrill of running from an insane dude that wants to rip your head off was such a thrill. I miss that adrenaline rush
We were in that bored 13-15 age period right before any of us could drive, and we would just go around the neighborhood doing shit that was just mean and the victims were completely innocent. I’ll get my karma for that one day.
There was an Iraq War vet that we made life absolute hell for, because he would actually chase us through the neighborhood and make it fun. He had issues.
We would shit in boxes and put them on his porch, dumping all kinds of drinks on his welcome mat. One time he caught up to our one fat friend straggling behind and gave him the business. The thrill of running from an insane dude that wants to rip your head off was such a thrill. I miss that adrenaline rush