Boss move right here
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Funny divorce or break up stories
- Thread starter BonnieMcFarlaneMe2
- Start date
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Hooked up with a server at a work Xmas party. Crazy bitch but she had a tight body and was a goer. Hooked up a few more times but she started acting increasingly erratic. 4th or 5th hookup we were in her exceedingly shitty apartment with paper thin walls, about 3am and she's pacing and mumbling to herself about me. I say "alright I'm gonna take a leak and leave I don't think we should see each other anymore." I piss all over her toilet seat and try to conjure a shit so I can upper decker this dumb cooz, but can't quite get a turd to turtle. I leave the bathroom and she's sitting at her small kitchen table and my jacket is gone. The jacket has my keys in it. "Where'd you put my jacket?"
She starts screaming out "you're hurting me, OWWWW, STOP" over and over. And just staring into my eyes. I didn't beat her over the head like Cow Eyes Cumia. I apologized and said I was being rash. We sat and watched a movie and the first hint I had she was asleep I went looking for my coat and found it under her bed. I yelled out "fuck you cunt" as I walked out the door at about 5am. Her revenge was to fuck a 19 year old dishwasher (she was 28) and we all made fun of her until she quit.
She starts screaming out "you're hurting me, OWWWW, STOP" over and over. And just staring into my eyes. I didn't beat her over the head like Cow Eyes Cumia. I apologized and said I was being rash. We sat and watched a movie and the first hint I had she was asleep I went looking for my coat and found it under her bed. I yelled out "fuck you cunt" as I walked out the door at about 5am. Her revenge was to fuck a 19 year old dishwasher (she was 28) and we all made fun of her until she quit.
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TMDWU
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Bitch got a Roman emperor shelf life with a jizz stealing tight asshole kicker on the back end (pun and buns absolutely intended).
I'm beginning to appreciate this dirty fuck pig "Lucy."
Hoebag is running around stealin' dudes jizz right outta they're nuts on command, always leaving at least one sac-less faggotster curled up fetal position in the corner bawling and then she toodle-oo's with a grandiose cum draining Irish goodbye off into the misty night without a word.
I tip my hat and cock to Owen Queen "Lucy."
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That’s just a last ditch effort to hurt your feelings. Then why’d you stay so long? Dumb bitch.
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3 years, I took her to like 5 different museums, I suck too.
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If she can’t appreciate a good museum then she can kick rocks.
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"What was your favorite painting?"
"I liked the grey thing"
"that's a wall"
fuck art
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It just occurred to me that she wasn't from London and was supposed to be staying at Ted's house. God knows where she stayed that night
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Oh, we know exactly where she stayed that night and every night thereafter, good sir! She moseyed off to a brothel in London's East end of the White Chapel district gliding from Jack The Ripper tourist sites one after the other dripping the Aussie's jizz delightfully from her puckered anus on the way to burn the souls of a few more spineless pissy eyed faggotsters before she hops a train to a euro hostel to share her amazing "home is where the hearth is" vagina and asshole with countless other Ted's houses along the way. Owen A's very own Dirty Mary Poppins of cum stealing orgasmic royalty and grandiose pissy eyed pageantry! Owen Queen "Lucy." I bow to thee immortally.
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Porn fan by any chance?
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Meh, a little bit. I don't linger longer and loiter. I get the load dropped and I'm outta there just like the Aussie! Fucking explode and then run for the front door and never look back. I like that Aussie fella he knows how to party like a ghost.
What I am, however, a fan of, obviously, is chortle inducing, fantastical fan fiction of a graphic sexual and funster time mental illness of a rib tickling nature! Provides a good time had by all that indulges in it.
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Poor guy probably never got to nut
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I actually haven't thought about this in years but I had an ex who was addicted to meth who tried to murder me with bleach. I told a bar tender once and she went "why would you tell someone?" like it was a charming personal anecdote.
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still the hottest girl I've ever been with, solid 10/10
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She was dumb as shit too, I told her I was an anarchist once and she thought that meant the same thing as antichrist so she got scared. So dumb but so hot.
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You also like commas a lot, too. Sounds like someone we know
I’m just pullin’ your chain, funster. Have a good weekend
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I just remembered, another story I totally buried in my memories, when I was 16 I dated a girl in Cambridge, Ontario, and she would just constantly cheat on me with a black guy who lived next door, I didn't have the skill set to tell her to stop, we broke up when she got pregnant
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Now, that story in particular is the one your bar tender should've asked "why would you tell someone that?!"
You basically were her by proxy cuck for an African bull! That's quite the mind fuck for a 16 year old.
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Those are the same things, stupit