Funny divorce or break up stories

[Patrick O'Neal]

After he moved out he showed up with flowers and a card for her with a message of love inside. When she wouldn’t take the card he punched her in the face repeatedly haha.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Think of it as a gift. You young whippersnappers these days with your ticker tocks and youtubes. No ability to concentrate! Read my post

An inability to concentrate isn't why I skip your posts.

I was such a sad faggot.

Because you couldn't play Xbox?

 

[StlakerFatti]

I was thinking about moving a few years ago, as my flat at the time was getting to small. Suddenly the crazy punk chick from across the street takes an interest in me, won't leave me alone basically. Screams whenever she sees me on the street, kisses me on the lips etc., at least 10 years older than I was at the time, not that good looking. I fucked her a couple of times because that is what I do.
Started gifting her weed so she'd chill out a bit, esp. with the screaming on the street. Definitely put my mind to moving away, found a new home (3 sinks, 2 rooftop terraces) slightly outside the old neighborhood, changed my number and never saw her again so far.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

When my parents split up my mother spent the night at a friends house and my father angrily took the mechanism out of the door locks so they could only be opened from the inside and drilled screws through the window frames so she couldn’t open them to climb through. Then when she failed to show up and attempt to defeat his fortress of solitude he drove us over to the friends house and dragged her into the car by her hair while we sobbed in the back.

After he moved out he showed up with flowers and a card for her with a message of love inside. When she wouldn’t take the card he punched her in the face repeatedly haha.

Is there a happily ever after to this story? I hope they got back together.

 

[guest]

An inability to concentrate isn't why I skip your posts.

I know it isn't, bud

 

[Dog Eater]

Is there a happily ever after to this story? I hope they got back together.

They both continued being shit people lmao.

 

[not that Jack Horner]

Dick turned red with rage, yelled "you fucking cheeky cunt" and attacked the Aussie guy

even when the british are enraged they sound silly

 

[not that Jack Horner]

Yeah we used to play Halo and Left 4 Dead, stuff like that. She was pretty cool because she'd let me play something like GTA4 while she played The Sims and we'd be barely talking in the same room. She was a rabid feminist though. Her pierced nipples on her big fawkin tits were great though.

why did ya break up?

 

[guest]

even when the british are enraged they sound silly

He might have sounded silly, but he was a promising prop in the London Irish academy at the time. A no-neck, 5'9, 200 lb barrel of muscle at 17 years old. I doubt the Aussie even heard what he said

 

[not that Jack Horner]

He might have sounded silly, but he was a promising prop in the London Irish academy at the time. A no-neck, 5'9, 200 lb barrel of muscle at 17 years old. I doubt the Aussie even heard what he said

did yall ever find out why lucy was such a whore?

she never met an Australian before or something? was this when aussie mania was taking over the world?

 

[guest]

did yall ever find out why lucy was such a whore?

she never met an Australian before or something? was this when aussie mania was taking over the world?

It was the first and last time I met her. Ted didn't talk about her much again, but will still, 20 years later, refer to her as a fucking bitch cunt etc

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

Because you couldn't play Xbox?

Nah I was just hurt. But I was pissed off because I bought two Xboxes

why did ya break up?

We mutually realised it wasn't gonna work out. I mean when you both stick your fingers in each other's face going FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

But that passion did lead to the best sex ever, I've never experienced it since

was this when aussie mania was taking over the world?

Still running wild, it's retard energy.

 

[not that Jack Horner]

It was the first and last time I met her. Ted didn't talk about her much again, but will still, 20 years later, refer to her as a fucking bitch cunt etc

20 years later and she’s still getting heat

thats a solid heel

 

[Toast]

I was thinking about moving a few years ago, as my flat at the time was getting to small. Suddenly the crazy punk chick from across the street takes an interest in me, won't leave me alone basically. Screams whenever she sees me on the street, kisses me on the lips etc., at least 10 years older than I was at the time, not that good looking. I fucked her a couple of times because that is what I do.
Started gifting her weed so she'd chill out a bit, esp. with the screaming on the street. Definitely put my mind to moving away, found a new home (3 sinks, 2 rooftop terraces) slightly outside the old neighborhood, changed my number and never saw her again so far.

You base the quality of a home on the number of sinks?

 

[Turk February]

My ex told me I didn't sexually satisfy her. Why would I care?

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Nah I was just hurt. But I was pissed off because I bought two Xboxes

You wouldn't have needed a girlfriend if you could still play Dead or Alive.

 

[King of OnAForums]

This isn't really a breakup but the first week of college I met a guy who would become my best friend. Like McGowan, I'll give him a fake name - Mattias.

Mattias told me that a couple girls he knew were visiting the college that night and we were to give them a good time, one of which was his high school senior prom date, let's call her Gertrude.

When they showed up, I immediately recognized Gertrude as someone I hooked up with in Hawaii of all places two years before, complete coincidence. This college was in Southern California, Mattias and I never met before.

Anyway, three hours later Gertrude is sucking my cock. Mattias wasn't around and would've been really pissed off if he knew since I think he had a thing for her. The BJ is ok, I make jism in her throat. She swallows my load. I get off the bed and put my pants back on and I look back on the bed and there's Gertrude - a solid 6 - spread-eagle on the bed saying, "My turn."

If only she was a little hotter, I woulda, but she didn't quite hit that threshold of hotness that would've enabled me to eat out her likely-herpes-riddled vagina. I tell her, "Ok sounds good. Let me go to the bathroom and wash up and I'll be right back."

Then I ran out of the apartment. I ran a mile back to my place.

Mattias calls me about 30 minutes later and says, "Hey, where'd you go? I found Gertrude crying on the couch?"

Later I learned that Mattias comforted Gertrude and got a handjob. She would tell him he's "got a big dick," obviously in comparison to the one she just had in her mouth, but it stung. You win this one, Mattias. Seriously though Mattias has a hammer on him. We're still good buds.

 

[porquedealer]

You base the quality of a home on the number of sinks?

you..don't?

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

This isn't really a breakup but the first week of college I met a guy who would become my best friend. Like McGowan, I'll give him a fake name - Mattias.

Mattias told me that a couple girls he knew were visiting the college that night and we were to give them a good time, one of which was his high school senior prom date, let's call her Gertrude.

When they showed up, I immediately recognized Gertrude as someone I hooked up with in Hawaii of all places two years before, complete coincidence. This college was in Southern California, Mattias and I never met before.

Anyway, three hours later Gertrude is sucking my cock. Mattias wasn't around and would've been really pissed off if he knew since I think he had a thing for her. The BJ is ok, I make jism in her throat. She swallows my load. I get off the bed and put my pants back on and I look back on the bed and there's Gertrude - a solid 6 - spread-eagle on the bed saying, "My turn."

If only she was a little hotter, I woulda, but she didn't quite hit that threshold of hotness that would've enabled me to eat out her likely-herpes-riddled vagina. I tell her, "Ok sounds good. Let me go to the bathroom and wash up and I'll be right back."

Then I ran out of the apartment. I ran a mile back to my place.

Mattias calls me about 30 minutes later and says, "Hey, where'd you go? I found Gertrude crying on the couch?"

Later I learned that Mattias comforted Gertrude and got a handjob. She would tell him he's "got a big dick," obviously in comparison to the one she just had in her mouth, but it stung. You win this one, Mattias. Seriously though Mattias has a hammer on him. We're still good buds.

PFG story, brothaman.

Best story I got is coming home to “surprise” my then fiancée to find her sitting on the sofa, crying, saying we needed to talk. Apparently she knew for a while I was coming back and her family told her she needed to man up and tell me she was moving on. Obviously she was banging some other dude.

So I get in the apartment and realize what’s up (think Joe Pesci walking into that house to get made). We finish the relationship and this broad was almost dumbstruck when I asked for the engagement ring back.

Fast forward several years and last I heard she’s married to some faggot and has a dopey, curly-haired kid.

Her vagina was ok, I’ve since had much better trim.

 

[StlakerFatti]

You base the quality of a home on the number of sinks?

Yes, of course. The Dan Man taught us to think that way and I have been financially and romantically successful ever since