What's some vegan food that doesn't suck absolute shit?

[Chive Turkey]

I have no idea what I'm eating. I've never tasted anything like it and it's from an Indian restaurant.

Onion bhajis slap, child.

Make sure to drink the jizzy raita straight from the cup.

 

[RoTheHo69]

Frozen piss cubes with little pieces of vegetarian feces inside served over rotten spinach and tomatoes and weeds from the sidewalk.

 

[RoTheHo69]

Unused tampons

 

[RoTheHo69]

Sneaker soles

 

[RoTheHo69]

Toe nail clippings
The point is: Use your imagination

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I always thought tofu was gross fag shit that turns you chinese but my ex used to make it with butter chicken sauce and I just assumed it was chunks of chicken until she told me.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

I always thought tofu was gross fag shit that turns you chinese but my ex used to make it with butter chicken sauce and I just assumed it was chunks of chicken until she told me.

butter chicken saw

 

[Chive Turkey]

I always thought tofu was gross fag shit that turns you chinese but my ex used to make it with butter chicken sauce and I just assumed it was chunks of chicken until she told me.

Tofu has no real flavor of its own but it soaks up sauce like a sponge. That's why the chinks put it in soups and stews. Only clueless suburban white people try to sear it like a steak.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Tofu has no real flavor of its own

It shapes itself like any container you pour it in.

 

[RoTheHo69]

It shapes itself like any container you pour it in.

Genuinely?

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Genuinely?

I would tell you if I didn't.

 

[Chive Turkey]

It shapes itself like any container you pour it in.

Tofu as the culinary equivalent of Norton is surprisingly apt.

Whatta sum of dem otha comedian analogies we got?

Col's a steak and Guiness pie. At a glance, a working man's dish with more depth than you might expect at first sight.

Patrice is fondue. Rich and filling, but truly great in a social setting.

Bob Kelly's a roll of liqourice. The kind of candy you don't really like but don't really hate and you don't really know why you're eating it. Also it has some pocket lint on it.

 

[Chive Turkey]

Bert Kreischer's a pile of dogshit.















Also you could probably compare him to some unsavory food too.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

Bert Kreischer's a pile of dogshit.

Did anyone else see Bert on New Year's Eve in Nashville (CST New Year countdown)? He was on stage with Jelly Roll, Keith Urban and Nicole Fucking Kidman. Didn't watch the special, so I'm not sure if he did standup, but his shirt was on.

 

[BUBBLER]

Mushroom risotto. If you have one hand you can stir

Fried tofu with sweet chili sauce. Pfg

 

[WifeStoreWill]

Twizzlers
Fritos
Sour patch kids