The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread

[Turry]

There was a lady who would come in around 5 AM every day to get an extra small French vanilla. Obviously an alcoholic because she'd shake so bad that by the time she got to my till half of the coffee would be on the floor. I let it go on for about a week then I'd just get her to stand at the till, put about an extra smalls worth in an extra large cup so she couldnt spill it and get her anything else she wanted.

Before anyone thinks this was purely done out of magnanimity - I had to keep the floor clean. It was either watch her suffer and spill all over the place and clean up for her or help her out. This way I didn't have to mop when she left or watch her burn the fuck out of her hands.

 

[Turry]

God gambled with the devil on Job. Man is made in God's image. Gambling is a religious duty.

It's not a bet when you're omniscient you slimy communist

 

[Turk February]

It's not a bet when you're omniscient you slimy communist

I'm omniscient too. Just really bad at gambling.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

God gambled with the devil on Job. Man is made in God's image. Gambling is a religious duty.

You made rambling a religious duty.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I just ate some garlic bread. It absolutely fucked my stomach up and I'm out of gaviscon.

It always feels like if you drink a bunch of water it'll help and it just makes it so much worse. Goddammit.

 

[Turk February]

I just ate some garlic bread. It absolutely fucked my stomach up and I'm out of gaviscon.

It always feels like if you drink a bunch of water it'll help and it just makes it so much worse. Goddammit.

Was there garlic bones in it?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Was there garlic bones in it?

FUCK YOU

 

[Turk February]

FUCK YOU

What? Why? I was just asking a simple question. You have some serious issues. Your heart burns... With anger. Heart burns.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

What? Why? I was just asking a simple question. You have some serious issues. Your heart burns... With anger. Heart burns.

My heart burns so bad. I want to lay down and I can't.

 

[Turk February]

My heart burns so bad. I want to lay down and I can't.

Have you considered eating some cum. It's a base. It will neutralize the stomach acid.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Have you considered eating some cum. It's a base. It will neutralize the stomach acid.

I'll give it a shot. Did you watch the Rocky IV montage? He's in Russia and there's a song called Burning Heart playing. It was a fun little multimedia joke.

 

[Turk February]

I'll give it a shot. Did you watch the Rocky IV montage? He's in Russia and there's a song called Burning Heart playing. It was a fun little multimedia joke.

Life imitates art. Wait. Rocky didn't eat cum. What a shit movie. Ill never watch it again. There's no cum anywhere. Not even on the countertops.

 

[Turry]

I just ate some garlic bread. It absolutely fucked my stomach up and I'm out of gaviscon.

It always feels like if you drink a bunch of water it'll help and it just makes it so much worse. Goddammit.

Counterintuitive but if you have any Apple cider vinegar around dilute a tablespoon in a cup of water and slug that back

 

[Turk February]

Counterintuitive but if you have any Apple cider vinegar around dilute a tablespoon in a cup of water and slug that back

If you don't have it you can just buy some draino and take a swig of that @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda counterintuitive, I know.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Counterintuitive but if you have any Apple cider vinegar around dilute a tablespoon in a cup of water and slug that back

I do have that

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

If you don't have it you can just buy some draino and take a swig of that @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda counterintuitive, I know.

I also have that.

 

[Turk February]

Mix em together. Put a little salt on the rim of the glass. It's going to be a party.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I'm gonna mix the apple cider vinegar and the Draino. It should be twice as effective.

 

[Turry]

I do have that

Sometimes heartburn is due to low stomach acid so adding acidity can help. Sometimes. If it doesn't work you won't feel worse

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Mix em together. Put a little salt on the rim of the glass. It's going to be a party.

Jinx