WWAWD coworker calling you frantically crying because he and his girlfriend had an argument.

[Turk February]

I know it's selfish to think this way, but I'd be thinking of all the times I almost died or really could've used some form of help and never asked for any and this motherfucker I don't particularly give a shit about is calling me in tears over an argument with a woman.

I'll courteously sit and listen to my friends' bullshit but I get those thoughts with them too. The time I got stabbed in one hand by a woman who would punch me in the face and give me shiners all the time, when they found out about it it was just like "Lol, you're an animal, Abe." No, shitheads, I'm actually in a pretty horribly abusive relationship and I'll probably end up being killed if it continues. Thanks for caring. I'll be sure to really give a shit next time you're all bent out of shape over some guy liking a bunch of slutty pictures of your chick on social media you fucking bitch.

One time a girl doused me in bleach trying to kill me and destroyed a lot of my property just because she was having a bad day. Everyone just thought it was a funny anecdote. Woman on man abuse is never really taken seriously. Whatever. I lived. I replaced my Xbox. I took her out for dinner 3 months later. Now it really is a funny anecdote.

 

[Turk February]

Actually I was still pretty bitter about it when we made up. We were at a bar and the bartender was just being friendly as south Ontario bartenders are and said "your girlfriend is so pretty!" And I responded with "she's not my girlfriend, she tries to murder me, WITH FUCKING BLEACH!"

 

[Ladynyahh]

Have him listen to this song dvvv dvvv

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

One time a girl doused me in bleach trying to kill me and destroyed a lot of my property just because she was having a bad day. Everyone just thought it was a funny anecdote. Woman on man abuse is never really taken seriously. Whatever. I lived. I replaced my Xbox. I took her out for dinner 3 months later. Now it really is a funny anecdote.

My one ex fucking tried to drink bleach during an argument once. I'm sure it was performative but she got a mouthful of it and it left a bunch of blisters in her mouth. She gave me shit for spilling some on her clothes when I grabbed the bottle away from her. That one would pretend to faint during fights too and it was just hilariously obviously fake.

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

There's something kind of funny about how genuinely unstable guys end up with women who beat their asses and try to kill them.

 

[johnnynoname]

i don't know what's more exotic:
- have a proper job with co-workers that don't have to carry around a bucket, or wears an apron

or

- having a proper girlfriend instead of a lady who lives on the other end of the block who texts you maybe every 3 weeks

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

You'll swing on anybody but some 105lber is just taking your ass to town behind closed doors? That's wild!

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

I know it's selfish to think this way, but I'd be thinking of all the times I almost died or really could've used some form of help and never asked for any and this motherfucker I don't particularly give a shit about is calling me in tears over an argument with a woman.

I'll courteously sit and listen to my friends' bullshit but I get those thoughts with them too. The time I got stabbed in one hand by a woman who would punch me in the face and give me shiners all the time, when they found out about it it was just like "Lol, you're an animal, Abe." No, shitheads, I'm actually in a pretty horribly abusive relationship and I'll probably end up being killed if it continues. Thanks for caring. I'll be sure to really give a shit next time you're all bent out of shape over some guy liking a bunch of slutty pictures of your chick on social media you fucking bitch.

I'd take you in and console you once, maybe twice before I called her up and encouraged her to end you tbh. I've done it before and it was really cathartic.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

You'll swing on anybody but some 105lber is just taking your ass to town behind closed doors? That's wild!

That's their justification for it. When shit would calm down and it'd get brought up she'd be like "Ah, you're a big tough guy. You've had worse, you can take it." And I'd be like "I still don't want to be punched in the face or have glass thrown at my head."

Like, you've stubbed your toe before. Can I stomp on your toe because you can take it?

 

[Turk February]

You'll swing on anybody but some 105lber is just taking your ass to town behind closed doors? That's wild!

I've never hit a girl except with their explicit consent. Me and my friend Gwen would play a game where we would see who can do more harm to the others arm when I was 14 though. And I did used to play Egyptian War in highschool where the rules are all physical contact is allowed. It's a cross between a card game and MMA and I think I may have played a girl once. (The deck is always destroyed by the end of the game)

 

[johnnynoname]

my friend

this nigga

 

[whyarewedoingthisagain_mybb]

You have a co-workers phone number?

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

The "sponsor" thing has always seemed retarded to me.

"I'm not your fucking mother. Why do you need me to tell you to do something you know you shouldn't do. Are you that stupid?"

Will you be my sponsor?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Will you be my sponsor?

Yes. You're Irish. Don't defy nature. Are you God? No.

 

[DMbA]

BLEACH

Was it Clorox or Walmart branded

 

[Turk February]

Was it Clorox or Walmart branded

It was generic. Probably like Presidents Choice or something.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Actually I was still pretty bitter about it when we made up. We were at a bar and the bartender was just being friendly as south Ontario bartenders are and said "your girlfriend is so pretty!" And I responded with "she's not my girlfriend, she tries to murder me, WITH FUCKING BLEACH!"

Wait, can you actually kill someone by pouring bleach on them or was this bitch just fucking dumb? All the idiot did was make your clothes look rad.

 

[DMbA]

It was generic. Probably like Presidents Choice or something.

And Canada doesn't even have a president

life is too short to waste on dollar store products

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Lol I was watching the crows yesterday and they were bathing in some water and I likely looked like a complete nutcase giggling at how silly they look when they're cleaning themselves in water.

Will you follow the crows example and start bathing?

I kind of want to bring a small baking pan

Don't eat them.

 

[Turk February]

Wait, can you actually kill someone by pouring bleach on them or was this bitch just fucking dumb? All the idiot did was make your clothes look rad.

You wouldn't believe how dumb this bitch was. She was scared of me once because I told her I'm an anarchist and she thought it meant antichrist.