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Worst hotel you ever stayed in?

Turk February

Our experiences exceed yours.
My dumbass friend booked us a shitty motel in Atlantic City for a long weekend trip . It was as bad as you'd expect a 1 star motel to be and the toilet wasn't even bolted into the floor all the way. Had crackheads in the alley next us the entire time too.
I cant find the name of it, but I had to go to the embassy once, and it was like The Good Value Motel in Ottawa. If I didn't have mushrooms I'd be horrified, its just crawling with like 15 kids trying to kill you and homeless people sleeping out front.
 

Uncle J’s Sink Emporium

You gotta pump those sink numbers up, funster.
Oh, an employer once put me up for 2 weeks in a hotel in Chungbuk, and there were condoms and the windows just faced a wall. And then I slowly realized "this is a sex hotel" but I didn't really hate it cuz I could smoke.
My wife and I stayed at one of those Tokyo sex hotels one time for like 3 nights. You’re supposed to go there for a couple hours and bounce but it was a good location so we just stayed there. It was PFG, super clean and hilarious. Shit had all these channels of karaoke and blurred out jap porn. Nice shower and steam room too.
 

Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
THIS IS LONG, BUT I PROMISE ITS WELL WORTH THE CHUCKLES! EVERY SINGLE WORD DEMONSTRABLY TRUE.

My friend and I decided we'd just take off one day in 1992 and go down to Florida (about a 1,300+ mile trip one way) and when we got to Florida his beautiful custom Ford van his parents bought him broke down. That van was obviously where we slept while homeless tourists. So while it was in the shop we had to get a motel room for one night. Didn't have much money so a flea bitten, rat infested, cockroach motel was where we ended up since it was close to the shop. That "Heyyyy, hellhole!" shit hole dump was owned and operated by a Cuban dude. Because... Of course it's run by a fawwkin Cuban banana boat "Marielito" refugee in Florida!

We open the door to the room and flip on the light switch and multiple fucking cockroaches scattered in every direction! And by cockroach I don't mean the spic maid that doesn't clean shit. I'm talking Floridian 🪳. The southern kind that crawl up your pant leg and try to bite your dick and sac while you're sleeping with one paranoid eye wide open. Always pull your socks up over the pant legs! Word to the wise, nigga!

We were so horrified that we immediately started plottin' revenge. And boy, oh, boy did we take revenge like a filthy spic done chainsawed up a family member!

Deeds of horror completed with cruel intent and pride...

#1: The tub drain plug was put in and we only pissed in the tub (with two exceptions, which I'll get to in #4) Besides pissing with reckless abandon into the tub we also dunked all the towels and wash clothes in the piss and hung them up over the shower curtain rod for extra lulz. We didn't fucking appreciate being accosted by nigger roaches for fuck's sake.

#2: I took a shit "upper decker" style (way before I heard about Jim Florentine's bit) in the cistern of the tank. Then flushed it a few times to teach a ssssssscumbag a lesson. That'll motherfuck 'em good. Fucking float into my country on an inner tube uninvited with your dirty roaches and your spic communism.

#3: After we slept on top of the bed fully clothed, jackets, shoes on and everything. That morning we collected a giant pile of spit on the sheets and put all our cigarette butts out in it. Then put the shitty fucking prison thin, bed bug ridden blanket back over it and stomped and smeared it all in. Jumped up and down on the bed like a 5 year old.

#4 & #5: Right before we bailed out we each took a morning piss in the radiator up against the wall and cranked the heat on full blast. Finally, we crafted a horrifyingly racist, hateful note and stuck it with a chewed piece of gum to the mirror in a last act of sheer, unadulterated, unmitigated defiance. Two 🖕🖕 birds for you, vato. Nice cockroach infestation, stupid. Nice Chiquita banana Panama hat, stupid

You spic nigger, don't leave the vacancy sign on if you see two white northern dudes with long hair dressed in all black with 17" steel toe boots and full length leather trenchcoats looking like goddamn Heinrich Himmler. "We'll leave the light on for ya." Will ya, stupid? Yeah, you leave the light on so we don't see the cockroaches.

We may or may not have signed off with "say 'ello to me lil friend" with a crude drawing of a cock going into a spic mouth.

That's my nightmare motel story.
 
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Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
Lol I'm smiling just knowing how much fun you had typing this. It's like Norton telling Patrice about his teenage hijinks.
I fucking hurt my own nigga rib reading it back before hitting "post reply." 🤣 Solid A+ memories! I got a couple more stories from that trip, but they ain't like this one! RIP to my bro Jeff who I went with.
 
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Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
The funniest part of your story is simply how excited and gleeful you were to share it.
Fawwkin therapy over here, dawg. I'm still high from the dopamine of folded in half loffs. You see, I can actually SEE the Kodak mental snapshots of all of it like a demented scrapbook of mental patient memories. Especially the piss towels hanging over the rod and jumping on the bed while my bro got his drawers hanging down pissing in the radiator.

That's some real bonding shit right there. Like two niggas in a warzone trying to make the best of it.
 

Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
There's something about gleeful degeneracy that goes straight to my ribs. Like when Chuck Berry farted on that whore with his legs spread wide open or when Mike Ditka farted on Chris Carter on live television. I imagine your face typing this looked just like Ditka's after blasting ass all over his coworker. Pure bliss.


Bwahahaha!

I can tell you this much, there's no way the spic maid and the Cuban kike didn't look like the negro in this after they walked in on that horror show! 🤣

I agree, gleeful degeneracies are always top tier lulz and I cherish every sharp pain of shattered ribs that are the end result.
 

Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
There's something about gleeful degeneracy that goes straight to my ribs. Like when Chuck Berry farted on that whore with his legs spread wide open or when Mike Ditka farted on Chris Carter on live television. I imagine your face typing this looked just like Ditka's after blasting ass all over his coworker. Pure bliss.


I hope this was the spic who later retold the story on Telemundo after later realizing what a solid A+ bit it truly was!

Sorry, not sorry, dirty Sanchez.

 

Hudson Margera-Hughes

Heyyyy, HELLHOLE ADLsters...
Imagining subtitles under this guy saying "And then, and then I jumped on the bed and rubbed it in! Hahaha!"
Already had it mapped out in my degenerate head, too! When his hands go down toward his waist he's talking about some white ssssssscumbags pulling down their drawers and pissing in the radiator and then when his right hand is up pointing he's talking about the horrific racist note glued to the mirror with gum!

Oh, fuck, I'm gonna make the fawwking subtitles and post it! I have to do it for my continued sanity. Imagine the rib shatter!

Ahhhh, you're a good egg, ((Saul))ster! As someone on here once told me "you got the kind of mental illness I can appreciate!" 👍👌
 
It wasn't the worst but the one that pissed me off the most was one in Germany. It was a budget room so it was the size of a shoebox and you could hear the other ten TVs in the other square foot of the hotel through the door. The bathroom was basically a port-a-potty built into the wall, it was the damndest thing I ever saw. I was with a lady and didn't even get my fawkin peckah sucked because we were wiped out from doing shit all day. Lame.
 
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