If you were Quasi, and money was no object, which of Patrick's items would you like in lieu of payment?

[NortheastPhilly]

I would claim his toilet. Think about how funny that would be. They would have nowhere to pee or shit and they couldnt afford to replace it. Theyd be shitting in jars

 

[guest]

His twitter account.

He's lost his publishing deal badly enough to prevent any others coming his way. He's demonstrated, time and again, that he's unable to move his audience to a new platform, or build a new one.

That <50k account is the last fig leaf for his self esteem; I'd take that and make him face himself.

This is the correct answer. He'd be completely devastated if he lost that account. It really is all he has. I guarantee if you said Twitter account or Niki, he'd take the Twitter account 10 times out of 10.

 

[New Name]

Strip off the Bullitt specific parts for ebay and run that mustang in a dirt autocross

 

[Uncle Floyd]

The house is worth approximately $0 because they recently refinanced it after having a shitty interest only mortgage for broke niggers for the first 4 years. So the bank owns it and would have dibs on anything up to the mortgage balance, which is basically all of it.

Banks are NOT brothermen.

 

[CumiaPoodle]

His motorcycle, Mewler, his twitter account, and the rights to all of his past and future books. And for the remaining $15K I'd make him my butler.

Would ya make him suck you

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

Car and Motorcycle - I'd then have one of those parking lot demolishing charity drives. 5 bucks for three swings of a sledge hammer. The proceeds would go to Bernell's family

Shitty dinosaur model - I would put it on my bookshelf, could make for an interesting conversation piece.

Mewler - I'd take him for one of those gaudy JC Penneys photoshoots; matching sweaters, tennis rackets, motorcycle jackets, all that shit. Mail prints to Patrick. Then I would give him to @RobertMewler

Lizard - I'd make a wallet out of its skin and flush remains down the toilet

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

His twitter account.

He's lost his publishing deal badly enough to prevent any others coming his way. He's demonstrated, time and again, that he's unable to move his audience to a new platform, or build a new one.

That <50k account is the last fig leaf for his self esteem; I'd take that and make him face himself.

Would it be possible to take over his Twitter account for a price? It would be so amazing to take it from him I think that’d break him.

 

[HotDogJoe]

I like the idea of taking a partial share of his twitter account. He would still be able to tweet off it, but I get to decide every 10th tweet

If I was quasi, I'd absolutely accept an agreement that every 10th tweet will be "And by the way, I'm still fat" over that $26K.

 

[guest]

If I was quasi, I'd absolutely accept an agreement that every 10th tweet will be "And by the way, I'm still fat" over that $26K.

I was in the middle of making a post about how Quasi could take the twitter account and offer it back after he meets certain criteria. Gets and keeps a full-time job, loses weight, etc.

But he's never giving up that Twitter account. Assume he has to pay the SFWA back a percentage of the money AND he has to pay Quasi. He'd be on the hook for over 100k and he'd still never give it up even to square the entire debt. He'd probably go to jail before giving up the Twitter account. He'd probably die before giving up the stupid Twitter account, tbh.

 

[JoeCumiawearsDIAPERS]

Didn’t he buy a new fridge lately? I’d take that, his motorcycle, that Moroccan pit cooker thing, that bamboo fork, his Star Wars mug, all of his dinner plates, all his toilet paper rollers, I’d rip down that shitty fence and I’d take his fascist killing laptop.

Also that they’re killing us sweatshirt his ugly wife always wears. Maybe his spring training hat and that one jersey he can’t button up anymore but I’d be worried about bed bugs.

He has nothing of value so I’d go with the massive inconvenience to his daily life route.

 

[guest]

I would personally take the rights to all of this books because that's what would hurt him the most.

And obviously if it was me specifically, I would change the title of Starship Repo to Starship Nero. (hint hint, Quasi. Please do that for me.)