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When I grow up I wanna be just like you, mister!
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Horrible shit you did at work
- Thread starter Dog Eater
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I worked part-time at GNC in college and would smoke weed/cigarettes in the bathroom, sit around in the office at the back of the store playing MVP Baseball 2005 on my laptop, leave the store totally unattended to get something from the food court, steal shit(MetRx bars, Gatorade bars, Gatorade protein shakes were all the best,) and bullshit customers about how well the products that made me commissions worked. Out of all that shit, playing MVP Baseball 2005 on my laptop is what I ended up getting fired for after I ignored the roid-rage-filled, closet queer bodybuilder regional manager's warning about not bringing my laptop. One of the head loss prevention guys in the whole company came in one night before the store was about to do inventory and he ratted me out. I bullshitted my way into getting unemployment somehow and got a better job when that ran out.
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Mostly just getting stoned or drunk and smoking cigs instead of working.
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Lotta fawkin problems in this thread to be honest witcha.
Worst thing I ever did was lounge around doing nothing and abusing the tanning beds when i was an apprentice barber. I felt guilty when i’d get my paycheck.
Worst thing I ever did was lounge around doing nothing and abusing the tanning beds when i was an apprentice barber. I felt guilty when i’d get my paycheck.
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MVP Baseball 2005 was a fantastic baseball game.
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How could you not fuck off at a job like that?
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You’re a model employee well done.
When I worked at a hotel I had a coworker who worked the night shift after me. Anytime a young couple checked in late he’d wait half an hour then go stand outside their room. He’d hold the bill for the morning in one hand and his cock in the other and jerk off to the sounds of them fucking then cum in his pants.
I had another job where I had to charge $50 cash for late exit from a car park. I’d offer everyone $50 with a receipt or $25 without. Anyone driving shitty old cars I’d let out for free. Good extra money.
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I’ve never done anything like the stuff ITT however I worked remotely a few years prior to Covid and would do literally no work for weeks at a time because I figured out how to game the system and be charismatic enough to charm my way through conversations.
I used that time to learn Python, financial analysis, and Spanish.
Just kidding I posted here. Fawk
I used that time to learn Python, financial analysis, and Spanish.
Just kidding I posted here. Fawk
I worked in a place similar, I assumed it'd be an easy min wage night job working 10 pm to 6 am, I could steal some gas, get free microwave burritos and get some sleep before work. My first night there the guy I relieved handed me the keys and left, telling me "If the boss calls tell him I trained you until midnight" So I was left there to figure out how to do the job. FIrst guy that came in wanting to pay cash for gas threw me off, I couldn't get his pump working, he was pissed and a line of degenerates formed behind him all bitching about something.
I walked around the counter, out the door and hopped into my car at 11PM, my pay for that hour was a tank of gas and I left the place open for looting, I have no idea what happened between midnight and 6 that day
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Our tax dollars at work!
As for me, an unspeakable amount of doing fuck all, even posting here, during remote hours. I love my fucking job.
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Nothing too cool, just show up high on weed regularly and the occasional jerk session in the bathroom.
In seventh grade I'd ask to go to the bathroom during those gay standardized tests and I'd jerk off and wipe the cum on the bathroom stall. I feel kinda shitty about that one.
In seventh grade I'd ask to go to the bathroom during those gay standardized tests and I'd jerk off and wipe the cum on the bathroom stall. I feel kinda shitty about that one.
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Second one is incredibly antisocial behavior.
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Apparently I used to shove kids when I had an argument with them when we were 4 and younger. Surprising I ended up a fan of the Gregg and Tony show and posting on internet message boards.
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When I was 14 me and my buddies would sneak out and light plastic playground slides on fire, throw bricks through windows, piss inside any car with their windows down and cut down trees. Boy were we as cool as young alcoholic James Norton 
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I’ve been drunk at work dozens of times. I crop dust every chance i get. At my first job out of college i would try to sleep with every girl in marketing. I’ve made mistakes that cost more than my salary, at least in aggregate.
This one wasn’t at work, but when i was a preteen in the mall, i had a big gulp slushie thing and wandered into the bathroom where some dude was taking a dump. I took the lid off and tossed it over the top of the stall and then ran like a demon was chasing me. I know it had to take him at least 10 seconds to get his pants and underwear up and out the door, but i was 2 streets over by that point. I can’t imagine how pissed he was, getting rained on by a sticky slushee while you’re taking a shit in a nasty mall toilet.
This one wasn’t at work, but when i was a preteen in the mall, i had a big gulp slushie thing and wandered into the bathroom where some dude was taking a dump. I took the lid off and tossed it over the top of the stall and then ran like a demon was chasing me. I know it had to take him at least 10 seconds to get his pants and underwear up and out the door, but i was 2 streets over by that point. I can’t imagine how pissed he was, getting rained on by a sticky slushee while you’re taking a shit in a nasty mall toilet.
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Sauce?
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Nothing...
Yet.
Yet.
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I worked at a college in the athletic grounds department. Jerked off all over the ladies softball players equipment, inside helmets, on their freshly washed game jerseys.
I delivered pizza and met some fat lady in a wal mart parking lot and fucked her standing up over her car while vehicles passed 3 feet from us. Fucked her later at my house. Tried to ass Fuck her, but my dick kept hitting a turd.
Would put cases of beer in the milk crates I was taking outside then go steal the beer later
Blowjob in the bathroom of grocery store I worked in at 16. Fired for stealing photographs.
Worked at united way. Would steal cash donations. Just throw the paperwork and envelopes away but would make note of the return address so I could send thank you letters off the books.
Shot up cocaine in my office when I worked in athletic grounds too.
I’m sure I’ll think of more. This is a great thread.
I delivered pizza and met some fat lady in a wal mart parking lot and fucked her standing up over her car while vehicles passed 3 feet from us. Fucked her later at my house. Tried to ass Fuck her, but my dick kept hitting a turd.
Would put cases of beer in the milk crates I was taking outside then go steal the beer later
Blowjob in the bathroom of grocery store I worked in at 16. Fired for stealing photographs.
Worked at united way. Would steal cash donations. Just throw the paperwork and envelopes away but would make note of the return address so I could send thank you letters off the books.
Shot up cocaine in my office when I worked in athletic grounds too.
I’m sure I’ll think of more. This is a great thread.
G
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Guest
Never worked drunk but weed, coke and meth were fair game. When I was 18 I worked graveyard at 711 and I'd stuff myself with grill food, steal cigarillos to make blunts with, give the expired food away to bums.. Shit like that. Lots of guys would start filtering in around 5:30-6 AM to get their coffees and just put the money on the counter (usually $2) and walk so I'd ring one up and take the next.
The guy who trained me became a manager and he'd come in and give me dexedrine and THC capsules and we'd stand outside and smoke and shoot the shit.
I always had all my work done three hours before the shift ended so I'd just spend that time listening to music on my headphones and making sure the coffee stayed hot and fresh, and dipping outside to smoke more of my blunt.
It was a good gig.
The guy who trained me became a manager and he'd come in and give me dexedrine and THC capsules and we'd stand outside and smoke and shoot the shit.
I always had all my work done three hours before the shift ended so I'd just spend that time listening to music on my headphones and making sure the coffee stayed hot and fresh, and dipping outside to smoke more of my blunt.
It was a good gig.
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On days when I was in a bad mood, I'd to go to the liquor store on my lunch break, then chug a few nips walking back to work. One time this cunt female who was everyones boss but nobody respected her, had found one of my nips in the trash can. I must have just tossed it into the bin without any care. She incompetently decided that the proper way to handle this would be the honor system. She just walked around to every person working, 1 by 1, and held up the bottle like a retard without saying a word. I saw her do this to like 5 people so naturally I had my response prepared. I pretended to be busy and that I didn't see her until the last second, and then I said ".....No thanks?" Apparently it was enough to clear me for passage in her dim little mind.
This one place I worked had 2 buildings at a complex, and there was no telling which building you'd need to be at on any given day. I would wake up, call both buildings main lines and tell them that I was busy at the other building and not to call. Then I would just go to the gym. At the end of the day I'd go to both offices in both buildings acting like I was pissed off from working too much so nobody would question me. I did this for 2 years.
When I was a teenager working at Lowes and Homedepot for the summer, if someone was rude to me on the phone about their little faggot delivery of concrete being late, I would just go and cancel their order. The store would miss out on tens of thousands of dollars in sales every month because I wasn't going to humor day laborers doing the fake tough guy act. Probably caused construction companies supply chain issues or missed deadlines for a build all because ya wanted to get mouthy with The D Man.
It was in these teenage years dealing with boomer consoomers that I developed the Club Soda Kenny joy of giving people bad news. Especially when they are entitled faggots who cry and scream about "how you treat the customer." Aww, Sorry, sometimes things just don't go your way. You're not going to start your project today like you thought. And you're going to pay all these nicotine addicted scribbleskin "installers" to stand around a home improvement store waiting for a delivery that's not coming. Faggot.
I know this guy who saved up all his vacation time and then decided to use them at the end of his contract by saying "I will be off on Mondays for the foreseeable future." Yeeees.
This one place I worked had 2 buildings at a complex, and there was no telling which building you'd need to be at on any given day. I would wake up, call both buildings main lines and tell them that I was busy at the other building and not to call. Then I would just go to the gym. At the end of the day I'd go to both offices in both buildings acting like I was pissed off from working too much so nobody would question me. I did this for 2 years.
When I was a teenager working at Lowes and Homedepot for the summer, if someone was rude to me on the phone about their little faggot delivery of concrete being late, I would just go and cancel their order. The store would miss out on tens of thousands of dollars in sales every month because I wasn't going to humor day laborers doing the fake tough guy act. Probably caused construction companies supply chain issues or missed deadlines for a build all because ya wanted to get mouthy with The D Man.
It was in these teenage years dealing with boomer consoomers that I developed the Club Soda Kenny joy of giving people bad news. Especially when they are entitled faggots who cry and scream about "how you treat the customer." Aww, Sorry, sometimes things just don't go your way. You're not going to start your project today like you thought. And you're going to pay all these nicotine addicted scribbleskin "installers" to stand around a home improvement store waiting for a delivery that's not coming. Faggot.
I know this guy who saved up all his vacation time and then decided to use them at the end of his contract by saying "I will be off on Mondays for the foreseeable future." Yeeees.