Fixing Doug

[PickleRickle]

Happy Easter, funsters. The sink has risen.

The Idea is spreading

 

[Jenna]

You're going to die sad and alone.
I have self confidence issues. But I know I'm a good guy. I just gotta stop drinking and shit... be kinder to women. But you're already trying your best and all you've got to show for it is masturbating to pete davidson.

Pete Davidson? Is that the pothead O&A fan who used his gig on a certain television show to fuck some of the hottest bitches on the planet?

 

[guest]

Pete Davidson? Is that the pothead O&A fan who used his gig on a certain television show to fuck some of the hottest bitches on the planet?

shut up nigger faggot

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

I WILL get a beautiful wife

This. This is it, and I'm sorry to do this but you are literally asking for it so I feel my hands are tied.
You have an extremely superficial valuation of women, and you think that "beauty" is the be-all. This X/10 shit is fine for abstract discussion of women with your buddies, but if you take it as important when choosing a mate you've got your priorities mixed. Of course it's important to be attracted to your wife, but you seem to want a wife that everybody is attracted to, you seem to want a woman that's an indisputable symbol of your Alpha status by how fucking gorgeous she is. An 11/10, if you will. The very suggestion that you might not is enraging. You have too much of your own worth tied up in how you perceive others' value you (nice sentence stupid). You care a lot what people here think of you, or you wouldn't tell the stories about bangin whooers you do and get mad when you don't get the praise or admonishment or whatever you're after.
Not saying don't do you, just understand that everything comes from somewhere and if you don't know where things are coming from you might want to take a look around.
We have fun and bust balls here but this is real talk and you plucked a nerve with me today boyo. It's just something I notice and it bothers me more than it should. I bet you're a decent guy, maybe a bit high strung and prone to whimsical self-destruction, but a decent guy in the final analysis. Please carcrash this gay shit, thank you.

 

[gassers]

,but nobody besides the supposed shitskin slumdog is wowed by stories of banal sexual conquests

 

[guest]

This. This is it, and I'm sorry to do this but you are literally asking for it so I feel my hands are tied.
You have an extremely superficial valuation of women, and you think that "beauty" is the be-all. This X/10 shit is fine for abstract discussion of women with your buddies, but if you take it as important when choosing a mate you've got your priorities mixed. Of course it's important to be attracted to your wife, but you seem to want a wife that everybody is attracted to, you seem to want a woman that's an indisputable symbol of your Alpha status by how fucking gorgeous she is. An 11/10, if you will. The very suggestion that you might not is enraging. You have too much of your own worth tied up in how you perceive others' value you (nice sentence stupid). You care a lot what people here think of you, or you wouldn't tell the stories about bangin whooers you do and get mad when you don't get the praise or admonishment or whatever you're after.
Not saying don't do you, just understand that everything comes from somewhere and if you don't know where things are coming from you might want to take a look around.
We have fun and bust balls here but this is real talk and you plucked a nerve with me today boyo. It's just something I notice and it bothers me more than it should. I bet you're a decent guy, maybe a bit high strung and prone to whimsical self-destruction, but a decent guy in the final analysis. Please carcrash this gay shit, thank you.

Nah I think you're right. That seems to make sense. I got a david spade thing going on where I need everyone to see I'm dating a hot chick. "Isn't she hot?" It's kinda fucked up. I don't wanna be like david spade...

I dunno.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Nah I think you're right. That seems to make sense. I got a david spade thing going on where I need everyone to see I'm dating a hot chick. "Isn't she hot?" It's kinda fucked up. I don't wanna be like david spade...

I dunno.

You don't wanna be like Spade is now, and you're still a young buck. Maybe the money and cars, sure.
Ask any of the happily married guys here, they'll tell you their wives are attractive to them but that isn't nearly the top factor is what makes the relationship work. You didn't ask me, but I'm telling you anyway because it sucks being single after too long.
For me, I know where I'm at with "pretty enough" in a woman. It's an important factor, but it's not even in the top 5. Think about it like a house: you're not going to buy a house without a bathroom, but that's not a concern until you're sure the foundation is solid and the roof isn't going to blow off. Once the termite inspector says it's good, then you can start worrying about what color the tile is.
What do you want from a relationship? What do you bring to the table? What don't you bring that someone else could to balance things? Do not fucking reply with answers to these, just ask yourself and go from there. Don't pay a therapist, talk to your friends about this. Got married friends? Even better, are you on decent terms with any friends parents? Talk to them, they've been through it.
The weed is wearing off and I'm starting to feel like a real busybody, so I'll conclude with this: You're still in your early-mid 20s, yeah? Puberty hasn't finished quite yet, your brain is still trying to wrangle the wild shit your balls are sending its way. Things will settle down, but forewarned is forearmed. Your balls are attached to you, not the other way around.

 

[guest]

You don't wanna be like Spade is now, and you're still a young buck. Maybe the money and cars, sure.
Ask any of the happily married guys here, they'll tell you their wives are attractive to them but that isn't nearly the top factor is what makes the relationship work. You didn't ask me, but I'm telling you anyway because it sucks being single after too long.
For me, I know where I'm at with "pretty enough" in a woman. It's an important factor, but it's not even in the top 5. Think about it like a house: you're not going to buy a house without a bathroom, but that's not a concern until you're sure the foundation is solid and the roof isn't going to blow off. Once the termite inspector says it's good, then you can start worrying about what color the tile is.
What do you want from a relationship? What do you bring to the table? What don't you bring that someone else could to balance things? Do not fucking reply with answers to these, just ask yourself and go from there. Don't pay a therapist, talk to your friends about this. Got married friends? Even better, are you on decent terms with any friends parents? Talk to them, they've been through it.
The weed is wearing off and I'm starting to feel like a real busybody, so I'll conclude with this: You're still in your early-mid 20s, yeah? Puberty hasn't finished quite yet, your brain is still trying to wrangle the wild shit your balls are sending its way. Things will settle down, but forewarned is forearmed. Your balls are attached to you, not the other way around.

Nah dude I'm in early 30s. Fucked, right?
Also... my friends are all married to really attractive women, so it'd be embarrassing as hell if I didn't live up to that. That's what's fucked about this very difficult situation.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Nah dude I'm in early 30s. Fucked, right?
Also... my friends are all married to really attractive women, so it'd be embarrassing as hell if I didn't live up to that. That's what's fucked about this very difficult situation.

I mean yeah, kinda. No, you're not fucked. It's just harder to work against old habits as you get older. But if you keep chasing tail based mostly on how hot she is relative to your friends wives, you will be unfulfilled and get progressively meaner and nuttier as time goes on. Dougie needs a woman who is kind and patient and very stable.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

[redacted out of shame, and rightfully so]

Yeah, maybe work on that. There's clearly other stuff going on, too. I don't think you're any crazier than most people, and you're at least self-aware. You're past the first step, move on to the next.
youcanactlikeaman.gif

 

[guest]

Yeah, maybe work on that. There's clearly other stuff going on, too. I don't think you're any crazier than most people, and you're at least self-aware. You're past the first step, move on to the next.
youcanactlikeaman.gif

Thanks. I needed that.

 

[TheRevAlJolson]

This is a bit, right? No one can be this pathetic