Favorite street jokes

[guest]

Black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Holy shit! Where'd you get that thing!" to which the parrot replies "In Africa!"

 

[Patrick O'Neal]

Black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Holy shit! Where'd you get that thing!" to which the parrot replies "In Africa!"

That works better in an area with a lot of blacks.

Black guy walks into a pub in London with a bright-red, two-foot tall parrot on his shoulder. "Fuck me!" Says the guvner. "Where the fuck did you get that thing?" "Outside," says the parrot. "There are hundreds of 'em."

 

[guest]

Blonde walks into a bar, orders a pitcher and starts saying "Six weeks! Six weeks!" Kills the pitcher and orders another. This goes on until it's almost closing time. The bartender finally asks her "What's with this six weeks? You going on a trip? Getting married?" and she says "No! I just finished a puzzle in six weeks and it said two to three years on the box!"

 

[Meownaw]

The best one from that Ron and Fez clip is "what's 12 inches and makes a woman scream? SIDS".

 

[guest]

A whole different version of the same joke I know of is:

"Why do you have 'Tiny' tattooed on your dick?"
"Cause when I get a boner it says 'Ticonderoga, NY.'"

Must be a regional thing.

We have a camp on the lake nearby.

 

[guest]

I

In like 1992 Jackie's cat Timmy was run over and killed. The jokeman was very sad. I forget why it was funny but I'm pretty sure it was.

Because Fred cut up that cat food commercial "meow, meow, meow, meow" and added lines like "Jackie killed me!"

 

[not that Jack Horner]

whats the difference between a woman and a toilet

 

[guest]

. . . .because he was so sorry about what he did to their hair
. . . . a ty-coon
. . . . a good start
. . . . 2 in the front, 3 in the back and Richard Pryor in the ashtray
. . . . so blind people can hate them too
. . . . so they don't bite their finger off when eating tootsie rolls
. . . . he said if I'm gonna be impotent I wanna look impotent
. . . . hello, ladies

 

[not that Jack Horner]

. . . .because he was so sorry about what he did to their hair
. . . . a ty-coon
. . . . a good start
. . . . 2 in the front, 3 in the back and Richard Pryor in the ashtray
. . . . so blind people can hate them too
. . . . so they don't bite their finger off when eating tootsie rolls
. . . . he said if I'm gonna be impotent I wanna look impotent
. . . . hello, ladies

great formatting

 

[Meownaw]

. . . .because he was so sorry about what he did to their hair
. . . . a ty-coon
. . . . a good start
. . . . 2 in the front, 3 in the back and Richard Pryor in the ashtray
. . . . so blind people can hate them too
. . . . so they don't bite their finger off when eating tootsie rolls
. . . . he said if I'm gonna be impotent I wanna look impotent
. . . . hello, ladies

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods next to each other. Bear asks the rabbit, “Hey if you dont mind me asking, have you ever had a problem with poop getting stuck to your fur?”

The rabbit says no. The bear immediately picks up the rabbit and uses him to wipe his ass.

 

[guest]

[MEDIA=youtube]BbFhwtt0rbs[/MEDIA]

I was thinking of the one Ant did as Mohamed Ali doing a roast.

[MEDIA=youtube]QMApvJfEVGE[/MEDIA]

 

[Stetten's Long Thumbers]

This is why I despise Cards Against Humanity.

I had the greatest play ever, it was some 2 card play with "an AR-15" and "the Virginia tech massacre" it should have been game over but the fucking faggots I played with didnt have the balls

 

[guest]

A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods next to each other. Bear asks the rabbit, “Hey if you dont mind me asking, have you ever had a problem with poop getting stuck to your fur?”

The rabbit says no. The bear immediately picks up the rabbit and uses him to wipe his ass.

Eddie Murphy did that joke in "Raw" and he actually got it from Jackie Martling. They were friends before Eddie took off.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

Eddie Murphy did that joke in "Raw" and he actually got it from Jackie Martling. They were friends before Eddie took off.

Jackie said that a young Murphy approached him at a club and said, “you have a cd and I’d like to make a cd. Will you help me make one?” “I said, no. Add that to the list of mistakes in my life.”

 

[not that Jack Horner]

@OldGravyEgg you made an enemy today