Crazy shit your parents told you when you were young.

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

I used to hate blowing my nose for some reason when I was a young kid. I'd just honk back the snot and swallow it, much to my mother's dismay.

One day she evidently had enough. She told me that if I did it, I might end up like a friend of hers' son. He had always done the same, she told me, and had started to get very bad headaches.

His mother had taken him to the doctor, who had apparently decided to skip the x-rays and CT scans I hadn't heard of yet (I was probably 5 or 6) and had gone straight to the sawing the top of the skull off stage.

The boy had sat there, my dear mother told me, wide awake and with the top of his head missing "like a soft boiled egg before you dip toast soldiers in" as the doctor announced to his mother that the headaches were caused by a brain encased in the snot he'd been swallowing.

I was clearly too stupid or gullible to realise that swallowed stuff goes down not up (or just too young and trusting) but I started to blow my nose after that.

I used to do that a lot as a child but in hindsight it is fucking disgusting.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

Yeah I guess I buried that one. My grandfather was a retired MA state trooper and my grandmother was a barmaid at a strip club. My father's parents. It explains a lot. My mom told me my grandmother offered her coke the first time she met her.

Mine was mostly for da goof and he was like 80 so what’s the difference at that point.

 

[Dennyislife]

When you die you go to heaven and a magic man in the sky knows if you've been bad. And he's like Santa but without presents

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

My mom told me her car couldn't start unless everyone had their seat belt on.

 

[guest]

My mom use to tell me hitler would love me cause I’m blonde haired and blue eyed.

 

[alkiefuck2]

If I picked my fawkin nose and wiped it, they'd turn into worms or something. Still haven't learned

 

[alkiefuck2]

Hold on! If I made a funny face or crossed my eyes "they'll stay like that"
Also told me a story about a couple who made fun of Libby-types and said my kids would turn out the same if I made fun of them.
She didn't get the shockjock memo, cross-eyed downie cunt

 

[aRTie02150]

My dad used to press the scan button on the car radio and then lightly tap the steering wheel at the same second the channel changed and he told me he changed it through the steering wheel. This was before steering wheel controls existed so it blew me away. I told kids in school about it and looked like a liar.

I was probably 12 when my dad told me it was a prank. Then steering wheel controls became the norm.

 

[wbgreen]

my mom used to make me do the rosary prayer ( a bunch of hail marys and our fathers) every sunday night all through elementary and middle school and think about the sins I committed during the week bcz i wouldnt go to heaven if i didnt

When I was 16 my girlfriend missed her period and was like a month late.
After she told me , I was sitting in front of my ps2 and saying the rosary prayer for hours in the basement in between playing tom clancy rainbow six and vividly remember saying "god please just do this one thing for me I will never ask for anything else please god"
Turns out she was pregnant, I had to scrounge up my $400 or so in savings from umpiring little league and give it to her sister that was in college, who secretly took my gf to planned parenthood and got an abortion pill.
I haven't been to church since

You ever realize that PP would have killed the baby for free because she was a minor and you got conned out of your Sega Saturn (or PS2, I don't know how old you are) money?

 

[UnPRePared]

My dear mom told me that any band would be very happy to have me as a lead singer for more than one album.

Lying bitch.

 

[Wa4892]

my mom used to make me do the rosary prayer ( a bunch of hail marys and our fathers) every sunday night all through elementary and middle school and think about the sins I committed during the week bcz i wouldnt go to heaven if i didnt

When I was 16 my girlfriend missed her period and was like a month late.
After she told me , I was sitting in front of my ps2 and saying the rosary prayer for hours in the basement in between playing tom clancy rainbow six and vividly remember saying "god please just do this one thing for me I will never ask for anything else please god"
Turns out she was pregnant, I had to scrounge up my $400 or so in savings from umpiring little league and give it to her sister that was in college, who secretly took my gf to planned parenthood and got an abortion pill.
I haven't been to church since

I'm sitting here waiting to be hit by a bolt of lightning after just READING this, I can't imagine what I'd be thinking if I was the one who typed it

 

[NortheastPhilly]

My dad was adamant about me walking places instead of getting rides because he grew up walking everywhere.
This is all well and good, except he took it too far and made me refuse rides from people offering me rides. I’d be walking to football practice or something and multiple people would pull over and say get in, and like a complete weirdo I would refuse because if he found out he would be angry.

What a psycho

 

[Wa4892]

Not my parents but my older sister told me:

Ants taste delicious

If you were in the tub when you pushed the lever to drain the water, you would be sucked down the drain

 

[guest]

My mom use to tell me hitler would love me cause I’m blonde haired and blue eyed.

My dad calls my kids Herrenvolk. Kind of awkward when he does it in front of outsiders though

 

[guest]

Not my parents but my older sister told me:

Ants taste delicious

They're sour. I used to eat them as a kid. Full of folic acid apparently

 

[guest]

I’d be walking to football practice or something and multiple people would pull over and say get in, and like a complete weirdo I would refuse because if he found out he would be angry.

He potentially saved you from getting murdered, or at least very badly raped.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

They're sour. I used to eat them as a kid. Full of folic acid apparently

Eww

 

[guest]

Eww

Yeah, I had the run of my grandparents' garden a couple of weekends a month. It was "only" about 3 acres, but it felt like a whole world at 8 or 9 years old. Woods, 3 ponds, perfect for a kid. Climbing trees, catching tadpoles and frogs, playing "survival" games and eating weird shit like ants and dandelion leaves. Good times

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

Yeah, I had the run of my grandparents' garden a couple of weekends a month. It was "only" about 3 acres, but it felt like a whole world at 8 or 9 years old. Woods, 3 ponds, perfect for a kid. Climbing trees, catching tadpoles and frogs, playing "survival" games and eating weird shit like ants and dandelion leaves. Good times

I agree with you up until the whole eating ants and weeds part.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

They're sour. I used to eat them as a kid. Full of folic acid apparently

My friend's kid got me to eat an ant pretty recently because she kept telling me they taste like lemons. She wasn't lying.