The fat sweaty retard pulled his toy Barbie car into his driveway. After groaning his way out of the tiny driver's seat, he opened the hatchback and removed his latest gift to himself...a shitty, second-hand guitar. "I actually saved money here" he thought. "This was a really great deal, I practically stole this guitar!". Upon entering his condo, he turned the thermostat down to 62, then reached into his pocket and checked his phone. "Ant still hasn't called me back, what the fuck?". He dialed his brother's number. "Fuck, voice mail again. Uh, hey bro, it's me, Joe. I just wanted to see what was going on, and, uh, oh yeah, by the way, it's the third of the month and I still haven't received my check. So I just, uh, wanted to, you know, let you know. Just call me back whenever you have the time, OK?".
The sweaty buffoon lumbered his way down the stairs and entered his half-assed home recording studio. He excitedly turned on his amplifier, plugged in his new guitar, and began strumming the opening chords to "Layla" for the five billionth time. "Damn, Joe, you really scored an amazing deal here, this guitar is just awesome!" he thought to himself. At that moment, the basement was suddenly plunged into darkness and silence. "What the FUCK??? Goddamned fucking Biden, with these rolling blackouts! I'm calling the power company and giving those fucks a piece of my mind! I am a working musician, I need my electricity!".
"Yes, this is Joseph Cue-mia, at 123 Faggot Court in Obesityville. My electric is out, and I'm going to need a repair crew out here at once, and...what's that? Disruption of service for non-payment? Ninety days? But that can't be right! Nine hundred and forty two dollars? Well, is there some kind of payment arrangement I can...uh-huh, uh-huh, but...I mean come on, I can pay thirty-eight dollars today, and...oh, I see. Well thanks for nothing, you assholes!"
"Fucking voice mail, doesn't he EVER pick up? Hey, bro, it's just me again. Listen, I'm kind of in a bind here, the power company cut me off and, well, I kind of need my check right away, and I mean we did have a pact and all. I need you to call me back as soon as you can, OK? Thanks, brother". Joe then sat forlornly in the darkness, running his stubby ham fingers up and down the neck of his new, crappy, used guitar. "I just never get a break, man. I MADE Ant, without me Opie never even would have heard of him. How come this stuff always happens to me?".