WWAWD running out of toilet paper when you're sitting on the toilet

[DMAN]

It's like drinking spoiled milk you always check after it happens once.

Where we at with throwing the milk out a day before expiration when it doesn't even smell because of the time the spoiled melch ruined you last bit of cereal.

 

[Meownaw]

Speaking of fuck ups that change you. When I was 5 years old I grabbed a unpackaged straw from the drawer to use on my milkshake and noticed a crunching which didn't make sense since it was a vanilla milkshake. I take the straw out and it is filled with ants. For about 15 years after that happened I would always look into a straw before using it.

 

[guest]

Speaking of fuck ups that change you. When I was 5 years old I grabbed a unpackaged straw from the drawer to use on my milkshake and noticed a crunching which didn't make sense since it was a vanilla milkshake. I take the straw out and it is filled with ants. For about 15 years after that happened I would always look into a straw before using it.

When I was a young kid, I got some hot Cheetos for the first time. Ate a shitload. Anyway not terribly long after, I had horrific red diarrhea. I thought I was shitting blood. After I'd calmed down a bit I realized what it actually was, but I still didn't touch another one for at least a decade.

 

[DMAN]

When I was a young kid, I got some hot Cheetos for the first time. Ate a shitload. Anyway not terribly long after, I had horrific red diarrhea. I thought I was shitting blood. After I'd calmed down a bit I realized what it actually was, but I still didn't touch another one for at least a decade.

I made a wonderful creamy alfredo pasta with chicken and heavy on the broccoli. My shit was pure green, like a newborn. I continue to prepare and enjoy that meal and take note of the stool hue. Is it bad to shit green? Where's Dr. Steve? I will also shit pure black tar after heavy coffee usage.

 

[DMAN]

My bowel movement after a few containers of joe is so black that Jeb Clampett would try to shoot it and sell it.

 

[guest]

Great stories, guys

 

[DMAN]

Speaking of fuck ups that change you. When I was 5 years old I grabbed a unpackaged straw from the drawer to use on my milkshake and noticed a crunching which didn't make sense since it was a vanilla milkshake. I take the straw out and it is filled with ants. For about 15 years after that happened I would always look into a straw before using it.

The thought of using a loose drawer straw in the first place would have made even my young skin crawl. I once refused to finish eating my happy meal at a mcdonalds in the mall because I saw a downs syndrome emploee sweeping up, and I just pictured her broiling my meal in her stupid spit.

 

[Meownaw]

The thought of using a loose drawer straw in the first place would have made even my young skin crawl. I once refused to finish eating my happy meal at a mcdonalds in the mall because I saw a downs syndrome emploee sweeping up, and I just pictured her broiling my meal in her stupid spit.

Not food related but if my shower curtain is shut I always check the tub because there was one time my cat was hiding out in it and I've never been more startled in my life when that fucker jumped out.

 

[DMAN]

Not food related but if my shower curtain is shut I always check the tub because there was one time my cat was hiding out in it and I've never been more startled in my life when that fucker jumped out.

If you live with animals you have to double check your every move. I can't live like that. I need to be unpredictable.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Once I ate an entire package of Oreos and had a moment of pure horror when I shat out pure black. Thought I had colon cancer for sure, then I remembered getting stoned the night before and the pieces fell into place.

 

[gassers]

Speaking of fuck ups that change you. When I was 5 years old I grabbed a unpackaged straw from the drawer to use on my milkshake and noticed a crunching which didn't make sense since it was a vanilla milkshake. I take the straw out and it is filled with ants. For about 15 years after that happened I would always look into a straw before using it.

there are ants in north america? i thought mosquitoes and ants were limited to deep south in the US.

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Did you find some toilet paper?

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

If you live with animals you have to double check your every move. I can't live like that. I need to be unpredictable.

Maybe she crawled under me for warmth.

 

[LiberalPussy]

RAMONE, GIVE ME YOUR SLEEVE!

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

there are ants in north america? i thought mosquitoes and ants were limited to deep south in the US.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

there are ants in north america? i thought mosquitoes and ants were limited to deep south in the US.

The skeeters get a lot bigger and more numerous in the South, but they're all over the continental US, and ants are literally everywhere except for maybe the Arctic and Antarctic. I live in a place that is widely considered to be one of the nicest climates anywhere, and we get mosquitos every summer. Black and red ants year round, too.
These wouldn't compare to any serious pest in places with real weather. I'll take my lil skeeters and occasional fire ant over camel spiders and goddamn tsetse flies.

 

[PickleRickle]

I plugged my toilet in a new apartment without owning a plunger first. Went over to wal-mart and the idiot did my worst fears imagined "Price check on aisle 9, plunger, for this guys fat beast shit, thats why hes here, he took a beast shit, price check"

 

[Meownaw]

I plugged my toilet in a new apartment without owning a plunger first. Went over to wal-mart and the idiot did my worst fears imagined "Price check on aisle 9, plunger, for this guys fat beast shit, thats why hes here, he took a beast shit, price check"

That doesn't sound very professional of Walmart to say beast shits.

 

[Phish]

Havent read the thread but the ProPer Protocol when in a DIRE situation is socks->cut up undies->abandon all tasks and head home to toss the pants and shower and tell everyone youre rly sick