Urinal etiquette

[JoeCumiawearsDIAPERS]

We all know that urinals are fundamentally disgusting and your standard public bathroom is a crap shoot, so you don’t even know what you’re walking into until you’re in there.

Sometimes it’s the larger urinal with a small separating. Sometimes it’s the smaller one that sits way lower with no wall. Sometimes it’s a trough filled with ice. Regardless of the style, it’s all preferable to using a disgusting public stall that traps shit particles. Plus, you might as well tell your dad you’re transitioning because you probably sit down to pee.

So I came up with a short list of rules I follow.

• The goal is to have as many empty urinals between you and the next guy as humanly possible
• End spots are usually my first option, interior ones after that. Middle is the last resort
• There’s no talking whatsoever
• Always keep your eyes forward
• Don’t let your clothes touch anything
• Farting is allowed
• Flushing is optional
• If every one is taken and a stall opens up, then you go to the stall but keep the door open so people know you’re not sitting down to pee like a femme or judge you for shitting

Another pro tip - the hand dryers are blowing shit and piss particles all over your hands so just let them air dry outside. Use a paper towel to open the door when possible.

Hope this helps

 

[DMbA]

Do you throttle your stream so the pee don't splash back on your body?

 

[The Shah of Iran]

Flushing is optional

In the first world it's automatic

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

It's rude not to hold hands with the man in the urinal next to yours.

 

[Voscabulary]

Flushing is optional

what the fuck? you seriously can't be arsed to just use your elbow and flush? I might have given you a pass if you were some careless bloke with no standards of cleanliness, but then you proceeded to suggest you open the bathroom door with a paper towel like a giant pouf. so which is it -- are you a big mess, or a bender with ocd? lotta fawkin problems with your post, mr diapers. I'm gettin heated

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

The first time I ever saw ice in a urinal was at Outback Steakhouse when I was a kid. Blew my mind. I mustered up like 3 pisses while we were there. Peeing on ice cubes is insanely satisfying. I kept trying to get my dad to go check it out but he didn't care.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

• Flushing is optional

But flashing is required.

 

[BUBBLER]

I like to peek over and tell the guy "nice dick bro" even if he doesn't have a particularly nice dick

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I like to peek over and tell the guy "nice dick bro" even if he doesn't have a particularly nice dick

"Tight dick, playa."

 

[DMbA]

what the fuck? you seriously can't be arsed to just use your elbow and flush? I might have given you a pass if you were some careless bloke with no standards of cleanliness, but then you proceeded to suggest you open the bathroom door with a paper towel like a giant pouf. so which is it -- are you a big mess, or a bender with ocd? lotta fawkin problems with your post, mr diapers. I'm gettin heated

Your pissing place of choice doesnt have sensors?

 

[WifeStoreWill]

Ice? Where the hell is there ice in a toilet? And I haven’t seen a piss trough since the Astrodome in the 80s. Do those still exist?

 

[Leonard Rhomberg]

I disagree with the farting being allowed. For me it still feels taboo at work at least. I don’t care about other bathrooms they’re usually all shitholes

 

[LockedHDD__Pot]

Ice? Where the hell is there ice in a toilet?

either he was pissing in the ice trough behind the bar or he thinks the urinal freshener blocks where ice

 

[PogromStallone]

I always go into a stall.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Ice? Where the hell is there ice in a toilet? And I haven’t seen a piss trough since the Astrodome in the 80s. Do those still exist?

either he was pissing in the ice trough behind the bar or he thinks the urinal freshener blocks where ice

I weep for you guys never knowing the bliss of pissing into a urinal filled with little ice cubes.

 

[aRTie02150]

I remember using a trough at Fenway Park when I super young. My dad instructed me to only look at the ice when I piss and not to look around and it's because penises were EVERYWHERE.

 

[Ants Hard Drive of Horror]

I'm very strict about etiquitte unless its a crowded bar on a friday night and everyone is drunk, then all bets are off.

 

[guyincognito2.0]

I remember using a trough at Fenway Park when I super young. My dad instructed me to only look at the ice when I piss and not to look around and it's because penises were EVERYWHERE.

 

[TomFromNawlins]

I remember using a trough at Fenway Park when I super young. My dad instructed me to only look at the ice when I piss and not to look around and it's because penises were EVERYWHERE.

Veteran’s Stadium didn’t even have a trough if I remember correctly. You just pissed in the sink. Fuckin’ animals.

 

[SoloJoeAcousticShow]

I was on my last late night in the office and proceeded to piss in the urinal but walking back from it to create a huge arc, then quickly waddling back to it when the pressure starts dropping. I had to change my pants before going home. I only cleaned it to like 20% so there's no obvious puddles or streaks, but the room must've smelled pretty dank the next day. Piss. Fucking. Everywhere.

I'd be lying if it wasn't fun. Should be an approved father-son game to teach urinal skills.
People who stand next to me when there's others available will get audible mumbling and a death stare from my end, I don't care who it is either.

People who harass drug users to take a shit annoy me. Don't take a smelly shit in the drug-taking booth you fucking nerd.