Someone shit their pants at work yesterday in a way I've never seen before

[Stent]

He should just come back in the next day like it never happened. Nobody wants to talk about literal shit they've seen on the floor of the office.

 

[guest]

Any update on this?

 

[guest]

Outside of the witness protection program route, that's really the only move. Become the man who shits wherever he wants, whenever he wants. Even mid-stride like a horse. Make them respect you for it.

EY! IM CRAPPIN HEAH

 

[satanssockpuppet]

Protip: If you ever do something even close to this level of embarrassing, pretend to stumble around, then fall down and pretend to be unconscious until they take you away on an ambulance. Then the embarrassing part will be overshadowed and ignored.

This is fantastic life advice. It could also work in other situations, like if you're driving and hit a pedestrian. The ol' "medical emergency" gambit.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Yeah what became of this? Did the guy kill himself or quit or anything? Or is he just back at work knowing that everyone talks about the time he shit all over the place?

I feel like if I had to deal with that I'd have a psychotic break. I'd show up with my eyebrows completely pulled out with SHITBOY written backwards on my forehead and random chunks of my hair missing but otherwise interact with people totally normal.

"Morning, Linda. How was your weekend? Did you guys get the cottage all opened up yet?"

"Hey, Abe. Yeah, it was great... what's it say on your head there?"

"Oh, this? Haha, it says "SHITBOY" because I'm a disgusting shitboy. Anyway, I'm gonna get to work! Oh! And if Sarah's still got any if those girl scout cookies left, I'll take a couple boxes of the mint ones whenever. Okay! I'm off to work!"

 

[Dougie's Hapa Daughter]

This is fantastic life advice. It could also work in other situations, like if you're driving and hit a pedestrian. The ol' "medical emergency" gambit.

It's a great trump card: for exams, for shit you really want to get out of, etc., but it can only be used once without suspicion . So, use it wisely.

 

[diabeetus]

It's a great trump card: for exams, for shit you really want to get out of, etc., but it can only be used once without suspicion . So, use it wisely.

Forcing yourself to vomit and rolling in it provides extra cover.

 

[AntSucks]

Any update on this?

Considering he didn't even try to stay and clean up, take a guess. It would take a big man to own up to that. I believe he's resigned or got a doctor's note. I haven't seen him since and he doesn't have any friends at work. He accused a manager of questioning him for taking too many bathroom breaks and that made him feel he couldn't go when he wanted, and now we're not allowed talk about it. I believe he's found or threatened with a lawyer, but it's not in my pay grade to find out what happens nexttt.

 

[Patrick O'Neal]

If it was me

 

[guest]

How would you physically describe this individual? What was his personality like? Was da boss angry?

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

How would you physically describe this individual? What was his personality like? Was da boss angry?

He was a real problem.

 

[Imager]

Won't see him no mo.

 

[guest]

If it was food poisoning/diarrhoea, there's that part of you that thinks "there but for the grace of God go I." But the fact that he dropped logs is hilariously unforgivable from an adult.

I would never go back if I was him.

 

[AntSucks]

But the fact that he dropped logs is hilariously unforgivable from an adult.

There were at least 3 stages of shitting. All solid logs at each stage, with some dribbles in between where he was waddling as fast as he could. It looked like one of those complete and total emptying of the bowels that in normal circumstances would have been in most people's Top 10 satisfying shits of all time.

 

[guest]

There were at least 3 stages of shitting. All solid logs at each stage, with some tribbles in between where he was waddling as fast as he could. It looked like one of those complete and total emptying of the bowels that in normal circumstances would have been in most people's Top 10 satisfying shits of all time.

Does everyone joke about it? Or is everyone pretending it never happened?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Protip: If you ever do something even close to this level of embarrassing, pretend to stumble around, then fall down and pretend to be unconscious until they take you away on an ambulance. Then the embarrassing part will be overshadowed and ignored.

There was a kid in my highschool who would have hardcore seizures during assemblies for some reason. He was a totally normal, cool kid, but it always seemed like if there was a lull in an assembly and everything got quiet, you'd hear a bunch of chairs crashing around and then you'd see this guy on the floor flopping around. And then he'd be led out by a couple teachers. Everyone was always like "You're fucking faking, dude." Lol, everyone assumed he was trying to get out of the assembly (the easiest thing to skip) and he'd usually end up hitting his head a bunch of times because nobody would do anything until a teacher got to him. The kids all just stood there watching like "he's faking it" while his head bounced off the gym floor repeatedly.

I remember seeing it happen at a Remembrance Day assembly, a memorial thing for a wheelchair kid and another one. The first two were during a moment of silence, which made it extra funny, and the other one was while some girl was singing Landslide and she seemed annoyed she got interrupted and wouldn't finish the song.

 

[Turk February]

Did you guys at least get a card for him? It sounds like he's going through a lot. I bet he feels pretty crappy about himself, y'know.

 

[Dog Eater]

What a fuckin retard. Once solid shit is coming out why would you keep moving. Hide in a corner and do it all in one place fuck.

This is fantastic life advice. It could also work in other situations, like if you're driving and hit a pedestrian. The ol' "medical emergency" gambit.

The Arnold Rimmer method.