Revisiting Cumia Book

[HipTuckerCumia]

On geography:

The city of Manhattan has a population of roughly eight and a half million. That’s a shitload of people. It’s a mesh of international, relocating American residents and those who are actually born and bred right in the core of the Big Apple. Then you have the boroughs and, of course, the suburbanites like myself who consider themselves as much, if not more New York than the actual Manhattanites who get all the credit and props. I currently have a home on Long Island and an apartment in Manhattan. So fuck you! I’m a New Yorker any way you cut it and proud of it.

On Bill Burr:

Bill Burr also took issue with me when this happened. After all the years of sitting there with me talking about shit on the show, understanding what I was saying, what was a joke and what was serious, I thought he’d have a little more insight into who I was as a real person—that he wouldn’t have just thought I was the piece of shit they were portraying in these online articles. Bill and I later “smoked the peace pipe “during one of Patrice O’Neal’s benefit shows and hashed everything out. We’re cool now.

On obsessively going after Joe DeRosa and having his fans review bomb his shit, among other harassment:

There was a good year or so with no communication between Joe Derosa and me. He thought, “How am I supposed to explain to my black friends that I’m friends with Anthony Cumia?” After a year we got on the phone and talked about it. Literally within three minutes, we were laughing our asses off and calling each other an idiot. Even that was weird, because looking back, I’m like, “Why the fuck didn’t you call me and ask what happened, instead of reading something on Buzzfeed or something? All of a sudden, I’m a fucking asshole? You should know all that shit was completely blown out of proportion and distorted.”

On killing all niggers:

I’m not saying, “I’m going to kill you, motherfucker!” I’m not saying anyone is a piece of shit: “Fuck the Jews! Muslims need to die!” I’ve never said anything like that or close to that. I’ve been suspended for having a basic debate and discussion, voicing my viewpoints in an articulate, respectful way. I’ve been suspended for stating a point of view that wasn’t on a par with that of the people running the social media platform.

On bombing at the Big Jay roast:

On reddit:

On Flaherty being dead and Ron never coming back:

I’m now extremely confident and comfortable hosting the show. It took time. I never stop learning. I’m continually finding myself in situations that, quite frankly, I don’t know what to do about until I do it. Sometimes I have guests with two polar-opposite viewpoints verbally assaulting each other, and I have to make an executive decision about how to mediate. What I come up with isn’t always easy or fair. I go with whatever my gut says, and it’s authentic. I feel if there’s validity to what I do, then it will always end up being okay.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

Oh, OK, he originally wanted to lift the cover directly from his beloved Twitter, but he couldn't do that, so he went with plan B, the monstrosity we all know and love. He is just obsessed with and consumed by Twitter, to a point where he named his own biography after it. Man, that cover is ghastly.

 

[Sue Lightning]

Hollleeee shit a lot to pick apart here….

“Bill Burr also took issue with me when this happened. After all the years of sitting there with me talking about shit on the show, understanding what I was saying, what was a joke and what was serious, I thought he’d have a little more insight into who I was as a real person—

Yeah. He had the insight to figure out under the masking and jokes you fucking hate black people. His wife is black so he obviously has a problem with you. Many arguments were had on the show between Ant and Bill where Bill would go “Dude…why do you keep bringing up the black shit? What does this have to do with anything?” and it’d turn into a serious argument because…SHOCKER! ANTHONY IS ACTUALLY A FUCKING RACIST! So when he’s saying “All niggers will bash your head in” he’s not joking or being overly generalized. He really believes it to this extent. The only one who needs convincing this ISN’T the case is Anthony himself.

“that he wouldn’t have just thought I was the piece of shit they were portraying in these online articles.”

But you are, nigger. The only thing you do when you try to talk these people out of seeing that “piece of shit” is convincing them you’re not abhorrent when you are.

“ Bill and I later “smoked the peace pipe “during one of Patrice O’Neal’s benefit shows and hashed everything out. We’re cool now.”

Fucking. Lol.

-

“There was a good year or so with no communication between Joe Derosa and me. He thought, “How am I supposed to explain to my black friends that I’m friends with Anthony Cumia?”

Everyone will shit on me for this but Derosa had every right to cut off Anthony even for the reason given. If Derosa cut off Anthony not knowing any black people that would be weird liberal white guilt. But yeah, I would imagine, if i had black friends, that they would ask me why I hung out with a dude who thought they were genetically inferior and should be killed. Especially when the guy provides nothing career wise for you so you MUST support what he’s thinking if you’re at least not challenging him on his beliefs.

“After a year we got on the phone and talked about it.”

Oh Anthony. Don’t pretend this happened naturally. You had your fans harass Derosa for a year straight calling him a PC dickhead until he caved and made good with you, knowing he’d never even have to see you, because you’re such a fucking tick to everyone you know.

“Literally within three minutes, we were laughing our asses off and calling each other an idiot.”

This is what Anthony does. Every. Single. Time. Acknowledge any of my faults??? Fuck that. I’m just gonna laugh and giggle and hoot and holler and act like there’s no issue!!! I’m not a hateful guy!! I’m so fun!!! See, look!!! I don’t have any opinions you could hate me for or think i’m trash for having, i’m fun and funny!!!!!

Even that was weird, because looking back, I’m like, “Why the fuck didn’t you call me and ask what happened, instead of reading something on Buzzfeed or something? All of a sudden, I’m a fucking asshole? You should know all that shit was completely blown out of proportion and distorted.”

Yeah Anthony, the media really minced your words when you said all blacks were savage violent animals who prey on white people, don’t know any better, and should be excluded from society. Then when you got fired for this you doubled down on your statements, appeared on a white nationalist podcast spewing straight KKK points, then made your show completely political. HHAHAHA WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME MAN?? IM SUCH A FUN AGREEABLE GUY!!!! JUST DONT ASK ME ABOUT MY OPINIONS OR I’LL JUST SUGARCOAT THEM TO YOU SO YOU DONT CHALLENGE ME ON THEM HAHAHA PLEASE ACCEPT ME FOR WHAT IM GOOD AT AND NOT MY FAULTS!!!

-

I’m not saying, “I’m going to kill you, motherfucker!”

Hmmm…What was the quote again? “I hate MFN’s, yes, ALL of them. It is a disaster what they have done to society. Something needs to be done.” What exactly needs to be done, Anthonee?

“I’m not saying anyone is a piece of shit: “Fuck the Jews! Muslims need to die!” I’ve never said anything like that or close to that. “

I could pull up so much fucking quotes for this one that I don’t know where to start. How about making fun of black teenagers and babies dying tragically and your justification is “Well the invisible gang of blacks i invent in my head is committing white genocide so this is ok to joke about babies who don’t have a concept of race dying!”

“I’ve been suspended for having a basic debate and discussion, voicing my viewpoints in an articulate, respectful way.”

Again. Violent savage white animals. They prey on white people…excluded from society…something needs to be done about this…F/N….FUN…..MFNS…..They hate us so i’m not going to argue about race….I’m missing the intelligent debate part of this.

“I’ve been suspended for stating a point of view that wasn’t on a par with that of the people running the social media platform.”

Your point of view isn’t even on par with fucking racists. The smart whites know not to act uppity and say this shit outloud but you, being the token caucasian you are, had to prove to everybody how “white” you are and shout NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER when EVERYBODY thinks you are fucking garbage. Regardless of their views on race, politics, anything. You are fucking white trash.

-

“I’m now extremely confident and comfortable hosting the show. It took time. I never stop learning. I’m continually finding myself in situations that, quite frankly, I don’t know what to do about until I do it.”

Haha are you? Since this book Kevin Brennan fought TWO PEOPLE on separate occasions in front of Cumia and he froze up and didn’t know what the fuck to do. His response to Ron and Colin fighting was “Ron is sensitive”. His response to his house getting robbed…AGAIN. Was to do nothing. Nice fucking learning, stupid.

“Sometimes I have guests with two polar-opposite viewpoints verbally assaulting each other, and I have to make an executive decision about how to mediate. What I come up with isn’t always easy or fair. I go with whatever my gut says, and it’s authentic. I feel if there’s validity to what I do, then it will always end up being okay.”

What he did that day was none of those things. No validity or authenticity. You froze at old men arguing on your show and had to kick one out when you supposedly welcome “racial discussion”. OOPS! Except if that racial discussion goes against the talking points for the day. Reminder: There wasn’t a fucking “verbal assault”. It was an argument that was tense at most. Racial discussions usually get heated, even between two old white guys, the fuck did you expect?

-

I seriously, seriously fucking hate Anthony. Fucking slimeball wet brain nigger.

 

[Ha Ha Ha Holeee Shit!]

New Book, "Permanently Rear-Ended, My Time with Sue Lightning."

 

[Ha Ha Ha Holeee Shit!]

This is the only appropriate response.

 

[lowend73]

"Especially when the guy provides nothing career wise for you so you MUST support what he’s thinking if you’re at least not challenging him on his beliefs"

That is one thing that he seems to ignore, has to be a huge weight when you know that the guys you talked and joked with 15 years earlier want absolutely nothing to do with you. I would say Jim falls into that category, but I think he feels an obligation to Anthony.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

I’ve been suspended for stating a point of view that wasn’t on a par with that of the people running the social media platform.

LOL sure you were, Nana, sure you were.

 

[Coonskin]

IM IN CHAINS, IM IN CHAINS!

 

[1950'sSpaceProgram]

"Especially when the guy provides nothing career wise for you so you MUST support what he’s thinking if you’re at least not challenging him on his beliefs"

That is one thing that he seems to ignore, has to be a huge weight when you know that the guys you talked and joked with 15 years earlier want absolutely nothing to do with you. I would say Jim falls into that category, but I think he feels an obligation to Anthony.

He brought it up post Kenny humiliation; all of his old pals simply "went woke" and are spurning their old buddy AntH so they can bend the knee to the (((mainstream))).

He legitimately doesn't believe he did anything wrong, or that every one of his old pals are genuinely ( ) tired of his faggotry. He immidiately blamed them all "trying to look woke!" for it and wrote it off.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

He brought it up post Kenny humiliation; all of his old pals simply "went woke" and are spurning their old buddy AntH so they can bend the knee to the (((mainstream))).

He legitimately doesn't believe he did anything wrong, or that every one of his old pals are genuinely ( ) tired of his faggotry. He immidiately blamed them all "trying to look woke!" for it and wrote it off.

His old comedy acquaintances didn't abandon him because they're woke, they abandoned him because he's an alcoholic, nigger-tweeting dipshit who could crater their careers overnight. On top of that, he's a disingenuous liar who pretends to be a persecuted free speech advocate, when he, along with everyone else, knows he's just a drunk who tweets too much. It's one of the most annoying things about him, how he sits there with that dopey fake-happy look on his mug, like nothing bothers him, even when it obviously does.

 

[1950'sSpaceProgram]

His old comedy acquaintances didn't abandon him because they're woke, they abandoned him because he's an alcoholic, nigger-tweeting dipshit who could crater their careers overnight. On top of that, he's a disingenuous liar who pretends to be a persecuted free speech advocate, when he, along with everyone else, knows he's just a drunk who tweets too much. It's one of the most annoying things about him, how he sits there with that dopey fake-happy look on his mug, like nothing bothers him, even when it obviously does.

You know that episode of South park, where Cartman keeps misremembering the "fish dicks" joke more and more until at the end he's willing to be killed over it, because he sincerely believes it went down the way he remembered?

That's how I think ol Sue Sucker's thought process work now. His brain is so pickled he honestly thinks he's a hilarious renegade and literally every single person he's ever been friends with is a pussy and a backstabber. I don't buy for one second he's realized what's happened or what is directly his fault.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

You know that episode of South park, where Cartman keeps misremembering the "fish dicks" joke more and more until at the end he's willing to be killed over it, because he sincerely believes it went down the way he remembered?

That's how I think ol Sue Sucker's thought process work now. His brain is so pickled he honestly thinks he's a hilarious renegade and literally every single person he's ever been friends with is a pussy and a backstabber. I don't buy for one second he's realized what's happened or what is directly his fault.

I believe that much of his drunken rage stems from how no one is buying into his "free speech renegade" act, aside from a handful of pitiful TACN subscribers. He wants everyone to see him that way, he's built a whole contrived, fake persona around the lie, but deep down he knows it's bullshit. Then again, when you're dealing with alcohol-fueled early onset dementia, anything is possible.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

 

[Meownaw]

What was the beer quote? 2 beer buzz after drinking 2 beers or something.

 

[bumbum8]

The parts I remember were Patrice being boiled down to the Nigger or Nazi game and the very end I think when he's riding down the highway and he sees an Apollo Air Conditioning can with a miserable guy in the passenger seat and he blows by them all badass or something like that.

Also I think he did this all by dictation. Anthony just sat there and drunkenly, half-ass recounted shit to two poor guys who had to make a book out of his lies.

A good portion of his career is on YouTube with thousands of people still listening. There was a whole subreddit of thoughtful fans who also knew the history. I never read the whole thing, though I do have a copy. Did he go into Steve (yesssss) or Lady Di or his Dad showering him and his brother or anything into actual detail?

 

[FMW7]

oof, Opie was doing a lot better compared to Ant at the time.

 

[HipTuckerCumia]

The parts I remember were Patrice being boiled down to the Nigger or Nazi game

EXCLUSIVE: EVERY PATRICE O'NEAL MENTION IN CUMIA BOOK (in order)

Patrice O’Neal once said that Anthony could “access funny” faster than anyone he’d ever met. And while I’d never heard that term before, I knew exactly what he meant.

(Foreword by Jim Norton)

He is able to improv with all of us, on any level and at any speed we chose. Guys like Bill Burr, Louis CK, Bobby Kelly, Rich Vos, Colin Quinn, and of course Patrice would all tell you the same thing.

(Foreword by Jim Norton)

CHAPTER 9

Back with a Vengeance

With Howard getting these A-listers, we were then relegated to what they thought would be the trash heap of the guests, which turned out to be a lot of New York stand-up comics.

The first few guys we had on the show were Rich Vos, Jim Norton, Patrice O’Neal, Nick Di Paolo, Otto & George, and Colin Quinn.

CHAPTER 15

XM—A Second Chance

One of our funniest bits was with the comedian Patrice O’Neal. We called it “Nigger vs. Nazi.” During this time period, the actor Danny Glover had made his plight known publicly that he couldn’t get a cab in NYC because he was African American. Patrice was on the show and we were talking about it, and he said, “Yeah, nobody wants to pick up a nigger.” I was like, “Hey, I have a Nazi helmet. I’ll put it on and you stand upstream from me. We’ll both try to hail a cab to see if the cab driver picks up a nigger or a Nazi.” The first cab blatantly passed by Patrice and stopped for me. Patrice screamed, “Nazi! Nazi! You pick up a Nazi over a nigger? You motherfucker! You didn’t stop for a nigger! You picked up a goddamn Nazi over a nigger! You chose a Nazi brother!” The second cab stopped for Patrice. The third cab hedged its bets and went between us. The next one went for the Nazi. Patrice said, “I’m gonna pull this out for niggers!” Then Patrice tied it up and it was going to game seven. The deciding cab passed right by Patrice and stopped in front of me. I thanked him for picking a Nazi over an African American. The Nazis won. Crazy shit!

...In 2006, our show did a comedy tour called “The Virus Comedy Tour.” This was for all of our huge market cities, like New York, Boston, Cleveland, and Philly. The tour included Otto & George, Patrice O’Neal, Rich Vos, Louis C.K., Bob Kelly, and Bob Saget. We also sprinkled in other comics throughout the tour, including Ralphie May, Tracy Morgan, Frank Caliendo, Joe Rogan, Jim Breuer, Carlos Mencia, Dom Irrera, and of course Bill Burr.

CHAPTER 22

Ding Ding: In This Corner

It was always an issue when Opie was in a room or studio with a bunch of comics. Patrice O’Neal, Rich Vos, Jimmy Norton, and Colin Quinn.

CHAPTER 24

The Birth of Compound Media

Bill and I later “smoked the peace pipe “during one of Patrice O’Neal’s benefit shows and hashed everything out. We’re cool now.

 

[Ha Ha Ha Holeee Shit!]

He brought it up post Kenny humiliation; all of his old pals simply "went woke" and are spurning their old buddy AntH so they can bend the knee to the (((mainstream))).

He legitimately doesn't believe he did anything wrong, or that every one of his old pals are genuinely ( ) tired of his faggotry. He immidiately blamed them all "trying to look woke!" for it and wrote it off.

That’s his fatal flaw right there. He never has remorse for any of his actions. Never apologized for biting Dani Brand, not once has he said he regretted anything terrible he’s said or did.

 

[Turk February]

That’s his fatal flaw right there. He never has remorse for any of his actions. Never apologized for biting Dani Brand, not once has he said he regretted anything terrible he’s said or did.

That's because everything in Ant's life happens to him. He has almost no experience doing something of his own initiative. Bro Joe pushed him on Opie, Opie was the only one who did any negotiation for 20 years, KtC pushed him to do Compound. He doesn't view his actions as his own, they happen to him. He can't be sorry for Dani making him bite her.

 

[lilconnorpeterson]

I bought this book and stopped reading about halfway through because of how boring it was...someone tell Nana I want my money and/or time back.