Patrick's awkward use of simile. Just search any of his books for "like a "

[AntSucks]

• "Even through the artificial gravity, something deep inside First’s inner ear felt the ship lunge forward like a politician with a campaign donation dangling in front of him."
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• a face with three eyes arranged symmetrically around a mouth that looked like a black sock full of broken glass.
• 
  
• She collapsed on the couch like an imploding apartment building.
• 
  
• “What’s it waiting for?” Jrill said, expecting the Gomeltic to pounce at any moment and shred the undersized human like a set of curtains.
• 
  
• First stopped dead, then turned like a moon going through its phases
• 
  
• The impact knocked the Fenax tank loose from her grip and sent it rolling down the hall like an oversized coffee tin.
• 
  
• The poor creature bounced off the sides of the glass like a puppy in a dryer
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• The silence stretched out like a rubber band.
• 
  
• Eagle held up two fingers like a Boy Scout. [Non dyslexic Editor's note: A Scout salute is three fingers, dumbass.]
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• The hyperspace machine howled like a banshee who’d zipped up his scrotum. [Non dyslexic Editor's note: A banshee is a female spirit, idiot]
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• His Adam’s apple bobbed like a fishing float hooked to a sperm whale as he gulped down the sobering knowledge of how close they’d just come to annihilation.
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• Allison sat tensely while the silence stretched out like a rubber band. [Non dyslexic Editor's note: Haha, you used this already dumbass]
• 
  
• She shuffled toward the mess like an extra in a Romero flick,

 

[Meownaw]

Like an extra in a Romero flick. You mean a zombie you wordy over explaining idiot? I can't wrap my head around why he isn't published anymore!

 

[UnPRePared]

• She shuffled toward the mess like an extra in a Romero flick,

... BUT IN SPACE!

 

[Meownaw]

“What’s it waiting for?” Jrill said, expecting the Gomeltic to pounce at any moment and shred the undersized human like a set of curtains.

Is this a typo or is the characters name fucking Jrill?

 

[Brooke Shields]

• The poor creature bounced off the sides of the glass like a puppy in a dryer

Has a puppy being in a dryer ever in the history of literature been used to describe something?
How did he think of that as a simile? No, why did he think of that as a simile...

 

[guest]

Is this a typo or is the characters name fucking Jrill?

Don't talk about xer like that!

 

[Stent]

The silence stretched out like a rubber band.

What? This boy gotta be retarded. If so, God be with him. No BS.

 

[peckafacce]

• The poor creature bounced off the sides of the glass like a puppy in a dryer

Has a puppy being in a dryer ever in the history of literature been used to describe something?
How did he think of that as a simile? No, why did he think of that as a simile...

I guess "like a bird flying into a window" was too on point?

 

[LockedHDD__Pot]

I guess "like a bird flying into a window" was too on point?

it was too on the beak

 

[Clint Ruin]

like a puppy in a dryer

What kind of defective brain thinks that's clever, or even makes sense

 

[Stetten's Long Thumbers]

Is this a typo or is the characters name fucking Jrill?

Shes one of the giant nosed and greedy Xus

 

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

MM Jrill

 

[O-BLOCK NIGGA!]

This is all Joss Whedon's fault.

 

[Username]

• The poor creature bounced off the sides of the glass like a puppy in a dryer

Has a puppy being in a dryer ever in the history of literature been used to describe something?
How did he think of that as a simile? No, why did he think of that as a simile...

Why a puppy? Any even semi solid inanimate object bounces in a dryer.

He definitely did this to a dog in his past. Sick obese man that Pat Tomlinson

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

A few from Starship Repo, though there are literally like a hundred of them

• “Buff out?” Maximus said. “It looks like a sailor’s schlong after shore leave in Singapore"
• The ship disappeared, replaced by a portrait of what looked like a column of melting orange candle wax with a dead Maltese grafted to the top.
• writhing like a bucketful of giant bugs
• “I look like a glitter factory shit itself,” First said.

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

• Tyrone had a deep, vast sense of longing, much like a nigger waiting for his next drumstick... because Tyrone actually was a nigger without a drumstick.

 

[handsomeblue]

Unfunny Family Guy, without the animation, in space!

"Aww jeez Lois, this is like that time I collapsed on the couch like an imploding apartment building."

First stopped dead, then turned like a moon going through its phases

So 'First' stopped and took a month to turn around?

expecting the Gomeltic to pounce at any moment and shred the undersized human like a set of curtains.

Ah, shredded like curtains, the timeless expression. So xe would have been neatly cut, arranged & decorated to fit some railings?

The odd examples & comparisons he uses shows he's trying too hard to be funny and have nuance, yet he can't help but fail.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

Similes are the best when they reference things that never happen or don’t exist. What a fucking awful load of unfunny, try-hard shit.

“She collapsed on the couch like an imploding apartment building.”

 

[Phish]

“The silence stretched out like a rubber band”

this is the only one that isn’t completely shit in that whole list, IMO

 

[Easily_Remembered]

"The ebony gentleman then quickly departed the scene, like an author from Milwaukee fleeing parental responsibility".

"Wrinkling his nose in disgust, the baker reluctantly stuck his hand into the mound of quivering, dimpled dough; like MM Shill's husband struggling to spread apart her thighs".

"As the kitchen door opened, he caught a whiff of the menagerie of baked goods being prepared within. His stomach growled with anticipation, and his mouth watered like Paul Weimer casing out an understaffed day care".