Our Cow Will Be Leaving Us Soon

[Roslyn Vampire]

Joseph Cumia has accepted a position as a "featured soloist" musician on a four month cruise. Some destinations on this cruise include San Francisco, Hawaii and Australia.

All the years of hard work learning his trade of performing generic boomer wailing while same-songing every cover from Sinatra to Nirvana at his local Applebees as paid off to this.

Congrats JoeH.

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

Nigga got dat bag

 

[Sue Lightning]

“Featured soloist” is a codeword. He’s going to be singlehandedly fellating the crew members for the next four months.

 

[⚡⚡kikeslayer1488⚡⚡]

I heard he'll be playing with a pianist.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

Is Carol (skin)tagging along?

 

[HipTuckerCumia]

What ship is it?

 

[GloryHoleTorqueH]

Well bbbbbbbbbBoys looks like we got one final gig to cancle that might make the black cow's heart finally give out.

fingers crossed, butthole unclenched.

 

['THE NIGGER MAN']

Spirit Airlines has a cruise line now?

What ship, Nigger of the Sea?

 

[1950'sSpaceProgram]

What ship is it?

What a fucking nog holy shit.

 

[Sue Lightning]

The only instrument Joe knows how to play is a cock, and he likes them black, your honor.

 

[Jesse Ventura]

What ship is it?

That is prob my fav Joe post. He addresses it to bar managers/hostesses in a general way, then gives an account of a highly specific incident that is his fault. He says the customers were talking too loud, obviously because they were trying to hear themselves over the braying wildebeest in the corner. Joe was probably offended that he didn’t get attention so he started mooing louder.

You aren’t the show, Joe. You are there to accent the ambience. Nobody is there for you besides your Robert Loggia-in-drag girlfriend. And of course she isn’t going to get a table to herself as a single so she can sit there all night nursing a Manhattan, even if a table is available. That’s called bad business, you old fuddy duddy.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

That is prob my fav Joe post. He addresses it to bar managers/hostesses in a general way, then gives an account of a highly specific incident that is his fault. He says the customers were talking too loud, obviously because they were trying to hear themselves over the braying wildebeest in the corner. Joe was probably offended that he didn’t get attention so he started mooing louder.

You aren’t the show, Joe. You are there to accent the ambience. Nobody is there for you besides your Robert Loggia-in-drag girlfriend. And of course she isn’t going to get a table to herself as a single so she can sit there all night nursing a Manhattan, even if a table is available. That’s called bad business, you old fuddy duddy.

You don't approach a musician of Joe's caliber and ask him to turn it down. You wait until he's between songs, and THEN send the hostess over to tell him to dial back the showboating or he'll have to leave.

 

[eggfeller]

San Fran eh? i hope he tries to stampede into the pelosi residence & paul takes him out with a captive bolt gun.

 

[CorradoSoprano4]

 

[Mike Glyer]

It would be awesome if his gig gets cancelled while he's out on the ocean already. Send him off on a little dingy to that island near India with the savages that slaughter outsiders.

 

[hikomow633]

What, you don't think Layla will be posting up a storm on FB during the times Joey No brains isn't busy fellating a microphone on a boat?

 

[guest]

All the other performers will be bright-eyed theatre school grads, starting out in the business and still optimistic/deluded enough to believe that they'll make it one day and "everyone has to start somewhere." Joe will be at least 40 years older than all of them.

He'll start off playing the seasoned old vet role, but a few weeks of awkward glances between 21 year old drama fags and dance number bimbos as he lectures them on the secrets of success in the entertainment business will take their toll on the cow.

When not a single one of them has heard of Opie and Anthony and someone googles his brother and starts asking uncomfortable questions, the Cow will sink into a low T depression. Four months at sea will seem like an eternity.

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

Hrmph. That’s odd because he hasn’t posted about it on his 14 year old kid’s Facebook page.

Instead, we get this:

Confirmed that he’s going on baby bro’s show?

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

Hrmph. That’s odd because he hasn’t posted about it on his 14 year old kid’s Facebook page.

Instead, we get this:

View attachment 122490Confirmed that he’s going on baby bro’s show?

No, he’s going on the Tonight Show to promote his new gig.

 

[cardwell]