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Unlike some of you sickos, I don't want a "happy ending" when I get a massage. I just want a massage. Getting a boner would be embarassing. 
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I've got a sore neck so I'm going to get a massage. But I haven't tugged my peckah in a while so I'm afraid I'll get a boner1 when she's rubbing me.
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It's only embarrassing if you're a small dick mick
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Oh well I have a HUGE fuckin peckah, so never mind, I won't be embarrassed.
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They get you with the up sell, when they start drying you off from the table shower she'll give you dick a little smooch then do that asian girl giggle, see your reaction then give it a quick kiss/suck, if your pecker has no reaction then she knows you are gay
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Imagine that's how you meet your future wife.
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I can save her.
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They are so business like and speak no english it would be easier ordering one like Pats fat faggot friend, some of them are real ladies though i dumped my load in ones mouth without condom she didn't spit it out until she had my dick washed off and got me layed back down on table
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I'm trying to see if I can fuck (or at least do some kind of sexual act like bj, hj, etc) with 100 women this year, and don't want prostitutes to muddle up that numbah.
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Ask her (or him) if they can make the banana cry.
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I've never got a professional massage in my life, it's always just been some chick digging their little hamster hands into me uncomfortably and I hate it. My body is absolutely fucked and has been for like 4 years. I feel like I need a chiropractor to snap my gay spine back into place more than a massage though.
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I read about that guy who went to a chiropractor and was paralyzed for life because they snapped his neck wrong. So I'm never going to a fucking chiropractor now. Quacks.
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Yeah that's always been my concern too. If I went now I just straight up wouldn't let them do the neck thing. I went to a chiropractor a few times when I was a kid and it's actually fucking scary when they do the neck. It's like in action movies when someone sneaks up and snaps a dude's neck and kills him lol.
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The first time i ever went was because of my back falling on a pile of ice right between shoulder blades, had no insurance and was desperate it did help but like said they get you on up sell, i surely wasn't ready for the tongue work on the butthole i could have done without
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Do what I do and bring your "Sexual Emergency" card from your doctor, funster.
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I went to get a massage and as I was sitting in the waiting room, a big burly man walked out and called my name. During the massage he went towards my back thighs where i told him i felt tightness, and I had a little movement down there. My buddy and had a whole discussion whether it was gay or not.
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I remember seeing Joe DiMaggio
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Ummm... Pretzels, thirsty. Or something.