If Patrick is indeed being pressured to get a job, what even is he qualified to do?

[peckafacce]

He might get his insurance salesman certs back again. That's about the closest thing to a real job he's ever had. He pretty much has to choose between that and Wal Mart.

If his licenses expired and he didnt cancel them, hes going to have to pay some mighty big fines to renew them. The only thing I can see him doing is washing dishes. He cant work around other people, he needs something where he will be able to be completely by him self.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

Sales. He has no shame and will gladly scam people for a commission. My guess Cars or real estate

Sales would involve some level of dedication to even make any money and Pat is lazy so I don’t see that happening. Plus he’s been alone on a couch for years with zero friends and his already poor social skills have only gotten worse. He can’t relate to adults because he’s a big fat teenage dork. He would just be so awkward he’d blow any easy sale.

 

[Tony2Shirts_mybb]

SSDI or sign spinner

 

[Brooke Shields]

Fatrick is perfect for those credit debt harassment jobs
All he'd need to do is pump himself up that he's about to talk to a trumptard and then he could go all the way to threatening to harass their 6 year old after school

 

[FLUUUID]

Parking lot cart pusher at Walmart

Hed only be able to return 3 or 4 carts to the bay before he became out of breath

 

[fusciasomething]

It’s not what you know it’s who you know. He has neither

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

He claimed he stopped selling cars because he was getting “fucked over” on money which means he wasn’t selling shit. If you can sell cars and feel your dealerships pay plan sucks you just go to another dealership. Car guys have no problem jumping since every dealerships pay plans are different. Pat couldn’t even sell cars in Florida so him trying in Wisconsin would be hilarious. Especially when he tries to sell Trucks and SUV’s to Trump supporters. Dumb fuck would only want to sell Mustangs in a state that has horrible winters.

 

[Midian9876]

He'd probably try to scam the finance company like Jerry Lundegaard except Pat would be less successful at it.

I can see this. Gets 2 tyrones to kidnap Nikki to extract ransom from her parents to fund his failures. Really not that much different than his life currently.

 

[guest]

Pat will start a Patreon and spend days thinking up the perfect tweet that is needlessly tedious in explaining how crowdfunding is the exact new environment for creative types like himself. Publishers are too bloated and inefficient. They simply can't keep up with his prolific content creation that the masses are in need of.

Weimer will make an obvious and desperate joke about Patreon having his name in it. Pat won't find it amusing. Not at all.

 

[SexGodFireBrand]

Fluffer on BLACKED sets?

 

[RoTheHo69]

Late-night hotel security. Gives him loads of time to tweet, work on his novels, surreptitiously snack from strangers' minibars.

He's not on any of the dope either. I think this is the best answer.

I could see it now: "I am a security specialist, child. I have years of experience working as a PMC contractor, child."

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

Mr. 250lb Bench Press should have no trouble moving heavy boxes around.

 

[guest]

Honestly? Maybe working at the front desk of a shitty hotel or something like that. Maybe a bartender?

 

[Phish]

Mall cop

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

I can see this. Gets 2 tyrones to kidnap Nikki to extract ransom from her parents to fund his failures. Really not that much different than his life currently.

Jerry Guntergaard.

 

[BoringFaggot]

He'd have to do what I did as a high school drop out, become a dishwasher and work his way up though various positions until he finally became a line cook. His work ethic could impress the business so much that they'd offer to help in training him as a chef...

Do you think he has any ability to do that?

 

[AntsBatteryCharge]

Also to note - he has next to zero work appropriate clothes. He has one dress shirt and jacket and I’m sure zero slacks / khakis so he would need to beg Niki for money just to have clothes to wear to any office type job. He might have had dress clothes when he was selling insurance but he’s way too fat now. He dresses like a dork teenager so he probably doesn’t even own anything with a collar.

Nothing with a collar?

Wrong again, felon.

 

[Phish]

He'd have to do what I did as a high school drop out, become a dishwasher and work his way up though various positions until he finally became a line cook. His work ethic could impress the business so much that they'd offer to help in training him as a chef...

Do you think he has any ability to do that?

Imagine him working in a kitchen hahaha. The black line cooks would have him in tears in 30 seconds flat.

side story: Running sauté line was some of the most face paced intense work I’ve ever done and I’ve worked all types of manual labor jobs. One kitchen in particular I worked in was exceptionally fucked up. Every night was sniffing lines, shooting up behind the walk in, talking shit with 10 nigs fresh out the pen every night, breaking up fights, smacking waitress asses, drinking all night on the job, stealing food, selling drugs out the back door. Shit was wild. I had to stop the dishwasher from killing someone with a pan. He ran up behind the dude and clocked em with it right in the middle of rush hour. Seen another guy come in drunk snd stumbling, wiping makeup off his face (he was a drag queen faggot). He was late and rushing and threw the dough in the mixer and turned the old Hobart on while his left hand was still holding the dough hook. That fuckers arm twisted like two or three full times around. I heard the bones popping and snapping before he even started screaming bloody murder. His arm was literally twisted around the dough hook like a vine wraps up a tree. He’d compound fractured it in multiple diff places. We ushered him out, cleaned the bowl and continued our morning. Saw another dude burn all the skin off his arm. His African black arm turned straight pink/white. He was wearing a long rubber glove (the kind that’s usually meant for washing dishes) and went to mix the boiling hot soup and dropped the spoon in the giant kettle. He reached in too far and the soup came up over the top of the glove and filled it up. It boiled his skin right the fuck off.

Ya, Pat would fit right in in this type of environment.

 

[AwfulManTitTankTop]

I could see him working night crew at a grocery store.

 

[AntSucks]

Imagine him working in a kitchen hahaha. The black line cooks would have him in tears in 30 seconds flat.

side story: Running sauté line was some of the most face paced intense work I’ve ever done and I’ve worked all types of manual labor jobs. One kitchen in particular I worked in was exceptionally fucked up. Every night was sniffing lines, shooting up behind the walk in, talking shit with 10 nigs fresh out the pen every night, breaking up fights, smacking waitress asses, drinking all night on the job, stealing food, selling drugs out the back door. Shit was wild. I had to stop the dishwasher from killing someone with a pan. He ran up behind the dude and clocked em with it right in the middle of rush hour. Seen another guy come in drunk snd stumbling, wiping makeup off his face (he was a drag queen faggot). He was late and rushing and threw the dough in the mixer and turned the old Hobart on while his left hand was still holding the dough hook. That fuckers arm twisted like two or three full times around. I heard the bones popping and snapping before he even started screaming bloody murder. His arm was literally twisted around the dough hook like a vine wraps up a tree. He’d compound fractured it in multiple diff places. We ushered him out, cleaned the bowl and continued our morning. Saw another dude burn all the skin off his arm. His African black arm turned straight pink/white. He was wearing a long rubber glove (the kind that’s usually meant for washing dishes) and went to mix the boiling hot soup and dropped the spoon in the giant kettle. He reached in too far and the soup came up over the top of the glove and filled it up. It boiled his skin right the fuck off.

Ya, Pat would fit right in in this type of environment.

This was the sort of hard partying alpha male stuff Anthony Boudain tried to glamorize, and he ended up killing himself over a woman. Unbelievable how degenerates always think they are winning at life.