I just yelled at my mom's neighbour

[BUBBLER]

Dude the OPP will literally try to start a fight with you for speeding. Like say fighting words and try to chest bump you and shit. When I was like 17, I agreed to fight an OPP cop one on one and the exact moment I had the fucker done, his partner kneed me in the head and booted the fuck out of me. THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE!

Man you're starting to sound like one of those "people"

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Man you're starting to sound like one of those "people"

I AM one of those people in spirit.

Niggers are way stupider than normal people. Therefore, way less cowardly.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

You know what? I'm the FAGGOT for letting this queer kill my buzz. This fucking fire is never going to burn out. I light great fires. Magnificent fires. Donald Trump would be jealous of my fires. Even in a faggy fucking Solo Stove.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I feel like a serial killer burning his victim's clothes in a coffee can.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

Man you're starting to sound like one of those "people"

We have mutual combat in Canada so all Abe was doing was engaging in a duel.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

I actually plead mutual combat to a Mountie one night - a roommate called 911 and claimed I'd threatened to beat the shit out of him. Squirrelly little fuck name of Bruce McConky. Anyways I hadn't threatened him - I'd offered to go into the alleyway and clean his clock for him and he ran off to make the call. I took a walk because the faggot kept yelling at me out his window after he'd declined my gentleman's offer to throw hands and half a block away a cop stopped me.

I explained that I'd challenged the prick to a fight and he declined so I took a walk and Cst. Hrehrechuk mulled it over a bit, handed me back my ID and the pocket knife I'd loaned him while we talked and went off to arrest McConky for being a speed freak and wasting police time.

 

[Kinderman]

I like the mounties better than any city or regional cop I've ever run into. There's a tangible difference in their attitude that makes them good police the majority of the time. It's the non-federals that get greasy

We had some Mounties here in the US for a state fair on my 21st birthday. I ended up at the same bar as them, those guys ruled. It was a karaoke night and one of them kept changing the lyrics to the most vulgar and obscene shit he could think of. Made my young, dumb and drunk ass cry laughing.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I feel like I trimmed my pubes not that long ago and they're crazy long and there's a bunch of grey ones. I gotta Google if ghosts can get pube cancer.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I want to go home.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

House sitting is so fucking gay lol.

"Can you leave your house/vehicles/shop/livelihood unattended and guard my knick knacks and feed my pets for a couple days?"

I should've said "NO. I WILL NOT." is what I shoulda said.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

We had some Mounties here in the US for a state fair on my 21st birthday. I ended up at the same bar as them, those guys ruled. It was a karaoke night and one of them kept changing the lyrics to the most vulgar and obscene shit he could think of. Made my young, dumb and drunk ass cry laughing.

He may have been a Newfie. Newfies singing is kind of an amazing thing to behold and I feel like everyone should be subjected to it once. It's not amazing because it's good, it's amazing because it's retarded (like most everything else they do) and they have their own stupid songs that have like 56 verses and they slap you hard on the back when the chorus comes and keep slapping you if you don't sing. They also get in hardcore family brawls. Like hitting their dads with baseball bats because he was ground and pounding their brother type shit. EDIT: this type of stuff only happens on holidays and family get-togethers. Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.

I've worked with a bunch of them. They're generally very good at a couple of things and then almost fucking useless in every other aspect. Like they'll be a master of one trade, but if they need to go outside their wheelhouse you have to actively make sure they don't kill themselves in some fucking Loonie Tunes kind of way. If anyone is going to die running full speed into a tunnel painted on a rock or have an anvil dropped on their head, it's a newfie.

All that said, they're hilarious and worth keeping around just to hear the shit they say. They call their dads "me fadder". I thought it was just one guy's funny thing until I heard like 5 more refer to their dads as "me fadder". Even the ones that don't have the stupid accent. I also know one who's afraid of storms like a dog. "IS DAT TUNDER, BYYY?? I GOTTA GET HOME!!" Motherfucker is POSITIVE that he's going to get struck by thunder.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I actually plead mutual combat to a Mountie one night - a roommate called 911 and claimed I'd threatened to beat the shit out of him. Squirrelly little fuck name of Bruce McConky. Anyways I hadn't threatened him - I'd offered to go into the alleyway and clean his clock for him and he ran off to make the call. I took a walk because the faggot kept yelling at me out his window after he'd declined my gentleman's offer to throw hands and half a block away a cop stopped me.

I explained that I'd challenged the prick to a fight and he declined so I took a walk and Cst. Hrehrechuk mulled it over a bit, handed me back my ID and the pocket knife I'd loaned him while we talked and went off to arrest McConky for being a speed freak and wasting police time.

I know you think I'm Bobby Kellying a story here, but the OPP are crooked fucking cunts. I'm pretty sure @Turk February has talked about them beating the fuck out of him for no good reason too. They're like a gang. Or they were in the 2010s. Particularly towards lippy teenagers. As I'm writing this I'm realizing it was all my fault.

 

[chiquita banana]

Give me a hook, give me a reason to care

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Give me a hook, give me a reason to care

If you're Missy like people think, I'd like to hang you from a meat hook by the roof of your mouth, cunt. If you're not, I don't want that for you at all.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

If you're Missy like people think, I'd like to hang you from a meat hook by the roof of your mouth, cunt. If you're not, I don't want that for you at all.

Also, I think Todd Barry is funny and I don't give a care.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I want beef jerky SO fucking bad right now. I'm too drunk to drive. But I also ain't no bitch, sucka.

I'm gonna see what my mom has first. Bitch left me some goofy internet shit she calls "crack chicken". It's awesome. This is an amazing development. I'm also just realizing I haven't eaten all fucking day. No wonder I got a little cranky with that mouthy old faggot earlier.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I still haven't heated up the crack chicken. I'm pretty set on some fucking beef jerky. The problem is I'm a stingy, niggardly jew and I don't want to spend like $13 to get four little squares of jerky. NIGGER, back in the day, I'd go to the injun rez and pay $10 for like a quarter of a cow's worth of the toughest fucking jerky you could imagine, but it was delicious and worth it for the insanely retarded amount you got. I don't think my dad's truck was ever without jerky or some kind of pepperette all through my childhood. Also gum. Excel gum. That shit sucks.

 

[BUBBLER]

I want beef jerky SO fucking bad right now. I'm too drunk to drive. But I also ain't no bitch, sucka.

I'm gonna see what my mom has first. Bitch left me some goofy internet shit she calls "crack chicken". It's awesome. This is an amazing development. I'm also just realizing I haven't eaten all fucking day. No wonder I got a little cranky with that mouthy old faggot earlier.

Make sure there's no bones

 

[Kinderman]

He may have been a Newfie. Newfies singing is kind of an amazing thing to behold and I feel like everyone should be subjected to it once. It's not amazing because it's good, it's amazing because it's retarded (like most everything else they do) and they have their own stupid songs that have like 56 verses and they slap you hard on the back when the chorus comes and keep slapping you if you don't sing. They also get in hardcore family brawls. Like hitting their dads with baseball bats because he was ground and pounding their brother type shit. EDIT: this type of stuff only happens on holidays and family get-togethers. Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.

I've worked with a bunch of them. They're generally very good at a couple of things and then almost fucking useless in every other aspect. Like they'll be a master of one trade, but if they need to go outside their wheelhouse you have to actively make sure they don't kill themselves in some fucking Loonie Tunes kind of way. If anyone is going to die running full speed into a tunnel painted on a rock or have an anvil dropped on their head, it's a newfie.

All that said, they're hilarious and worth keeping around just to hear the shit they say. They call their dads "me fadder". I thought it was just one guy's funny thing until I heard like 5 more refer to their dads as "me fadder". Even the ones that don't have the stupid accent. I also know one who's afraid of storms like a dog. "IS DAT TUNDER, BYYY?? I GOTTA GET HOME!!" Motherfucker is POSITIVE that he's going to get struck by thunder.

I don’t know what he was. He definitely didn’t have the retarded accent. Or hell, maybe he did. It’s been awhile and I was fairly drunk. Either way, that dude’s rendition of “Friend in Low Places” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard at the time.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I don’t know what he was. He definitely didn’t have the retarded accent. Or hell, maybe he did. It’s been awhile and I was fairly drunk. Either way, that dude’s rendition of “Friend in Low Places” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard at the time.

It was me. I was a fighter. A beloved pop culture icon and legend of the stage and screen. A hip hop sensation. A Navy SEAL. A mountie.