I just yelled at my mom's neighbour

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I don't think I'm getting the house sitting gig again (thank fuck).

She has a solo stove, so I called the fire dept. and took all the steps and her dumbshit old fuck neighbour yelled out the window "I smell smoke" so I was like "you have central air in there?" He was like "Yes!" So I said "Then shut your fucking window." I'm allowed to enjoy my night too, you old faggot. If he was like "Hey, you having a fire?" I'd be like "Take a seat, I've got beer." Now I'm considering just knocking on this decrepit old man's door and being like "Do we have a fucking problem here, bud?"

I fucking hate civilization.

 

[Stent]

He's fucking with you on purpose. He's standing in the window looking at you and laughing right now.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

One time I had a fire at my place specifically because my mom requested it and then did nothing but bitch at me while I was splitting wood to replace the shit I was using and right when I got the thing started I flipped out on her and told her she was a buzzkill and ruins everything I enjoy if I have to do it with her. She fucking cried. She doesn't cry a lot. I've seen it like 3 or 4 times over the course of 34 years. I still feel terrible about that, but I absolutely meant it. Shut the fuck up and let me do my thing unless you ACTUALLY know better than me.

 

[TheGhostOfBernellTrammell]

Should have told him he was just smelling his upper lip, heh

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

He's fucking with you on purpose. He's standing in the window looking at you and laughing right now.

He literally IS still in the window. OH DO YOU SMELL SMOKE, SHITDICK? MAYBE STOP STARING AT ME EVERY TIME I'M OUTSIDE. I'm letting this burn out and dumping the ashes on his car.

I'm gonna pour canola oil all over it first.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

You know what? I bet my mom has either already said worse to this fucking queer or he's too afraid of her to flap his cocksucker at her. She's a very intimidating lady and I think that's why I'm not afraid of confrontation.

 

[Stent]

He literally IS still in the window. OH DO YOU SMELL SMOKE, SHITDICK? MAYBE STOP STARING AT ME EVERY TIME I'M OUTSIDE. I'm letting this burn out and dumping the ashes on his car.

I'm gonna pour canola oil all over it first.

He called his friend Jeff and they laughed at you together. Weeks from now they'll tell each other "I smell smoke" and laugh uproariously.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

He called his friend Jeff and they laughed at you together. Weeks from now they'll tell each other "I smell smoke" and laugh uproariously.

You're literally inciting a senior citizen beating right now. If this guy is in a coma by tomorrow it's your fault.

Thought women were getting me into trouble so I said "marry a gay Australian twink instead." Where's that getting me? The exact same spot with better head.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

Solo stove?

Reminds me of when I was smoking a dart in the middle of a parking lot specifically so it wouldn't bother anybody (I'm a nice lad, really) and some old codger pulls up in his van next to me with his window down. He sat there for a minute or two then he leans out and says "Your cigarette is bothering me." I thought he was just doing an old man bit so I chuckled and he got snippy about it. "Put out your cigarette!"

"Roll up your window if it bothers you"
"What?!"
"Roll up your window."
"RAAAAHHHHH you can't smoke here!"
"I'm more than six meters away from any doors or windows and you can move your van, buddy."
"You can't smoke here! I'll call the police!"
"Fucking call them then. They've got about three minutes to get here before I take off."
"You can't leave! I'm calling the police!"
"Hahahaha fuck off. What are you going to do? Hold me here? You're a hundred years old."

What a fucking retard.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

I don't like to be rude to old people but sometimes they deserve it.

 

[FranksWirecutters]

When I tore down a fence I burned all the treated lumber and filled the neighborhood with the smell of arsenic. The colors were pretty though. Nothing grows in that spot now.

 

[Stent]

You're literally inciting a senior citizen beating right now. If this guy is in a coma by tomorrow it's your fault.

Thought women were getting me into trouble so I said "marry a gay Australian twink instead." Where's that getting me? The exact same spot with better head.

He's going to come over to the house "to check if everything's ok" and the whole time he's daring you make a move. He'll go back home and tell Jeff the fancy boy next door was watching a BeeGees documentary and dancing by himself.

 

[BUBBLER]

He literally IS still in the window. OH DO YOU SMELL SMOKE, SHITDICK? MAYBE STOP STARING AT ME EVERY TIME I'M OUTSIDE. I'm letting this burn out and dumping the ashes on his car.

I'm gonna pour canola oil all over it first.

Please refer to it by the proper name, rape oil

 

[DMAN]

Honestly? Guy tries talking to The DMAN like that, would already be eating from a tube. You're becoming a bit of a doormat in the afterlife, Abe.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Solo stove?

Reminds me of when I was smoking a dart in the middle of a parking lot specifically so it wouldn't bother anybody (I'm a nice lad, really) and some old codger pulls up in his van next to me with his window down. He sat there for a minute or two then he leans out and says "Your cigarette is bothering me." I thought he was just doing an old man bit so I chuckled and he got snippy about it. "Put out your cigarette!"

"Roll up your window if it bothers you"
"What?!"
"Roll up your window."
"RAAAAHHHHH you can't smoke here!"
"I'm more than six meters away from any doors or windows and you can move your van, buddy."
"You can't smoke here! I'll call the police!"
"Fucking call them then. They've got about three minutes to get here before I take off."
"You can't leave! I'm calling the police!"
"Hahahaha fuck off. What are you going to do? Hold me here? You're a hundred years old."

What a fucking retard.

"You'll bleed out before they get here, faggot."

Right before my mom left I went off on a tangent about how I literally despise the OPP, I've never even heard about them helping anyone and I see them all as fucking scumbags that deserve to be beaten. They're not gonna jump to help some poor defenseless old prick. My old man had a store that kept getting broken into at one point. No matter how many times they caught the faggot on camera, no matter how many fingerprints they got, they never solved anything. The kicker was the time my crippled old man had to call them to say they broke in again and the faggot said they were doing a shift change in an hour so he'd have to call out of work and wait there for them. I fucking HATE the OPP. Regular fucking Barney Fife town cops are WAY more helpful because they actually care about where they are.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

When I tore down a fence I burned all the treated lumber and filled the neighborhood with the smell of arsenic. The colors were pretty though. Nothing grows in that spot now.

I'm burning a fucking year old chopped up Poplar tree. This guy can kiss my fucking bag.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I'm trying so hard to swing into middle age as a chilled out sage. All these fucking Canadian FAGGOTS are making that a rough go.

Honestly? Guy tries talking to The DMAN like that, would already be eating from a tube. You're becoming a bit of a doormat in the afterlife, Abe.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I'm trying so hard to swing into middle age as a chilled out sage. All these fucking Canadian FAGGOTS are making that a rough go.

I went fishing today and did like 4 hours less than usual. When I got back to where I launch, some dude had his dog swimming in the river and was like "GOOD DAY FOR THAT!"

Oh yeah? Is it? Is it a good day for fishing, nigger? It's 30°C, it's 12 oclock and the fish are all hiding in the shade and the weeds and the easiest places to lose your fucking lures. Great day for fishing if I got up when I was supposed to, you fucking dunce. It was just a case of "I need to say something to this guy." But instead of just giving me a nod or being like "How'd you do?" He had to act like he knows what the fuck I was doing. Hey, guy; I SHIT IN THIS RIVER REGULARLY. IT'S ONE OF MY GREATEST PLEASURES IN LIFE.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

Right before my mom left I went off on a tangent about how I literally despise the OPP, I've never even heard about them helping anyone and I see them all as fucking scumbags that deserve to be beaten. They're not gonna jump to help some poor defenseless old prick. My old man had a store that kept getting broken into at one point. No matter how many times they caught the faggot on camera, no matter how many fingerprints they got, they never solved anything. The kicker was the time my crippled old man had to call them to say they broke in again and the faggot said they were doing a shift change in an hour so he'd have to call out of work and wait there for them. I fucking HATE the OPP. Regular fucking Barney Fife town cops are WAY more helpful because they actually care about where they are.

I like the mounties better than any city or regional cop I've ever run into. There's a tangible difference in their attitude that makes them good police the majority of the time. It's the non-federals that get greasy

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I like the mounties better than any city or regional cop I've ever run into. There's a tangible difference in their attitude that makes them good police the majority of the time. It's the non-federals that get greasy

Dude the OPP will literally try to start a fight with you for speeding. Like say fighting words and try to chest bump you and shit. When I was like 17, I agreed to fight an OPP cop one on one and the exact moment I had the fucker done, his partner kneed me in the head and booted the fuck out of me. THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE!