How the fawk (dan: opie/chip version of fuck) do you meet anyone on a dating app?

[Harry Powell]

I don't know. I thought maybe Bumble was more like Tinder than I had thought, and they were just looking to have fun, and thought not mentioning kids would avoid drawing out the Weimers, but no, they were looking for actual relationships.

The first one had lost custody of her two kids "all because of (her) husband". She was allowed to see them whenever she wanted (wow!), but her husband was NOT allowed to see them under any circumstances, and their legal guardian was HIS mother. Sounds like a swell guy. I think she had someone else helping her write messages, because she way less coherent in person. She was really beautiful in her pictures but had obviously done drugs hardcore for at least 3-4 years. She was laughing about her "teeth being held in by bridgework." Charming. It was a goddamn disaster. I drove 40 minutes one-way for that "date."

The second one was also very pretty, and had an insane body, which, other than the absolutely perfect legs, I guess, was miraculous because she was in her mid-30's and had JUST had a baby. It wasn't even 1. She also had a great personality, and fulfilling and OK-paying career and I guess was just hoping to coast by on those. I simpishly felt really bad for days for turning off sociable mode as soon as we got to the parking lot after we ate and just walking away to my car like a robot, even though she had lied her ass off. It was the most fun first date I had ever been on. Perfectly flowing conversation and she was funny as hell, but when I got outside I just smiled and nodded and walked off while she was mid-sentence. She never messaged me after that. Oh, she didn't just have the 1-year-old, she had an 8- and 10-year-old, too.

I don't remember exactly how it was phrased, but you had to outright lie about not having kids in your profile. It was something really specific like, "do you have any children or children for whom you are willingly the primary caregiver? Indicate Yes or No." They both had answered, "No." No kids in their 6 or 7 pictures or mentioned anywhere in their bio, either.

That’s a tough one man. The second broad sounds great but if she lied off the bat, you gotta do what you did.

 

[Jenna]

Opster wants a lindsay

Hey Dan, her name's Lynsi.

 

[Harry Powell]

A reddit guy made an app as Patrick and is messages some whores then sending me the conversations.

Some are actually responding to being chilled and lectured on Amazon sale policies. It's pretty bizarre

Would love to see some pics brotherman

 

[Say “Cookie”]

"My kids are my world" of course ever present in the bio.

When that’s in the profile they are usually on the hunt for cock. With some of them they’re just looking for side cock. In my experience it’s not a woman looking for an actual relationship that puts that statement in her profile. They’re easy to steer into sending nudes though.

 

[guest]

Just on principle I refuse to put this kind of effort into meeting a bitch. It’s also why I haven’t gotten laid in a century but all these fuckin’ games? You can keep it.

That house where you took the photo of the fence. If you wear blackface, knock on the door and ask for big nik, a lady there will let you fart in her vagina.

 

[johnnynoname]

ultimate tip, bro.....be less ugly

 

[satanssockpuppet]

"My kids are my world" of course ever present in the bio.

Shorthand for "I'm fat", every time.

 

[guest]

Opster's got 2 dates in 1 day... yeeeeeaaaahhhh!!!!

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Opster's got 2 dates in 1 day... yeeeeeaaaahhhh!!!!

First with your left and then with your right hand?

 

[guest]

First with your left and then with your right hand?

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No, child. That's you again.
You are mentally ill, stlaker. You have been told, hundreds of times now, to cease implying I jerk off instead of taming strange. Continuing to do so constitutes a felony.

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

No, child. That's you again.
You are mentally ill, atalker. You have been told, hundreds of times now, to cease implying I jerk off instead of taming strange. Continuing to do so constitutes a felony.

Go get them Dougie, leave no one standing, do have fun!

 

[CutesyMissy]

I don't know how to change age range on bumble, don't even think you can. But I keep matching with women who are late 30s with "children: want someday" on their profile. Fucking depressing.

That's a big red flag.

It means: "don't leave me alone with your condoms, and make sure you take them out with you inmediately. Or you are gonna have some unpleasant news in two weeks".