Flat broke Joseph Cumia gambles his way further into debt

[Slackjawed Cow]

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

I have a scenario in my head.

Joe was caught stealing sundries and produce and selling them in bulk to local diners and restaurants near Bragg. Not as bad as a QM stealing M16s and grenades and selling them on the black market obviously, but still theft of Uncle Sam's property. An automatic DD and probable prison time in Leavenworth.

He was caught by his immediate superior. Let's call him Staff Sergeant D'Amato. As he was chewing him out, Joe burst into tears and started begging him. Please don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my life. I'm not built for prison. I'll kill myself.

D'Amato was unmoved.

Then Joe pulled the Guinea card.

It'll break my mother's heart.

D'Amato wasn't made of stone, and his old, dear mother was the second most important person in his life. The first had been born three days earlier; his first child, a masculine child - his son and heir, Vincent D'Amato Jr. He was in a rare forgiving mood.

Staff Sergeant D'Amato surveyed the pathetic scene in front of him. This big lummox wailing on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks, snot bubbles blowing out of his broad, flared nostrils. The dumb kid had made a stupid mistake. And if D'Amato was honest with himself, he knew it partly wasn't even his fault. Criminality was in his genes.

D'Amato remembered his own early days in the service. He and a couple of other paisans had had a nice little shylock business going, lending money to the hayseeds and niggers in their unit who were always broke two days after they got their paychecks. Of course they paid 2 points a week on top of the principle. Most of them were happy to, but you'd get the odd wiseguy who thought he'd stand up. They'd get a crack and fall into line.

D'Amato was a lot of things, but he wasn't a hypocrite.

"OK, Cumia. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to put in your papers today. You'll get a general discharge on grounds of diminished responsibility. You know what that means, right? Means we've deemed you too retarded to peel potatoes, let alone fix jeeps or man a mortar crew. You got a problem with that, you'll be some nigger in Leavenworth's dog chew toy by Friday. Capiche?"

Joe's first instinctual thought was "Hey, that sounds fun", but he quickly pushed it down.

"Y...yes, Staff Sergeant. Th...thank you."

Until I see evidence to the contrary, this is definitely what happened.

The one hole in the story is Joe having any shame or being smart enough to realize he should fake it. I bet Joe got there and realized "this isn't for me* and proceeded to drag ass in everything he did until the army figured it wasn't worth the continued effort to try to turn him around. He probably acted smug about it because unlike people of normal intelligence he didn't realize if he wasn't always on restriction for fucking up the army might not have been so bad for him. So he acted like a shit head until they gave up on him and gave him a general discharge. And knowing Joe he probably bragged about getting over on them because he lacks the self awareness to realize of all the dumb people the Army takes in and trains, he was too stupid and useless for them to do anything with.

 

[Mick_Mickerson]

The one hole in the story is Joe having any shame or being smart enough to realize he should fake it. I bet Joe got there and realized "this isn't for me* and proceeded to drag ass in everything he did until the army figured it wasn't worth the continued effort to try to turn him around. He probably acted smug about it because unlike people of normal intelligence he didn't realize if he wasn't always on restriction for fucking up the army might not have been so bad for him. So he acted like a shit head until they gave up on him and gave him a general discharge. And knowing Joe he probably bragged about getting over on them because he lacks the self awareness to realize of all the dumb people the Army takes in and trains, he was too stupid and useless for them to do anything with.

The only thing we can know is that something did happen.

The Army isn't in the business of having young people enlist and walk away whenever they feel like it in under a year, no questions asked after receiving training/housing/food/clothing. I'm surprised Joe hasn't adequately explained it because I'm sure it's something flattering.

 

[TorpidSloth]

The one hole in the story is Joe having any shame or being smart enough to realize he should fake it. I bet Joe got there and realized "this isn't for me* and proceeded to drag ass in everything he did until the army figured it wasn't worth the continued effort to try to turn him around. He probably acted smug about it because unlike people of normal intelligence he didn't realize if he wasn't always on restriction for fucking up the army might not have been so bad for him. So he acted like a shit head until they gave up on him and gave him a general discharge. And knowing Joe he probably bragged about getting over on them because he lacks the self awareness to realize of all the dumb people the Army takes in and trains, he was too stupid and useless for them to do anything with.

They were genuine tears coming from a fear of prison, if not from the life-changing stigma then at least from the guarantee of no bacon, egg and cheese on a roll for a while.

 

[PogromStallone]

My dad has two purple hearts and never talks about Vietnam. My uncle was a Green Beret who was behind enemy lines for 2 years. Never speaks a word about it.

That's some real deep shame about what they did. Probably raped a bunch of kids and wore their mothers' ears as necklaces.

 

[RealTonySchiavone]

That's some real deep shame about what they did. Probably raped a bunch of kids and wore their mothers' ears as necklaces.

 

[Petworth dude]

The only thing we can know is that something did happen.

The Army isn't in the business of having young people enlist and walk away whenever they feel like it, no questions asked after receiving training/housing/food/clothing, in under a year. I'm surprised Joe hasn't adequately explained it because I'm sure it's something flattering.

@Coonskin, did Joe ever address why he only served nine months in his call with your Reddit friend?

 

[Mike Glyer]

That's some real deep shame about what they did. Probably raped a bunch of kids and wore their mothers' ears as necklaces.

Nah, I think my dad was more upset about how the government treated soldiers upon returning and how they used them as pawns/disposable. He lied about his age and was deployed at 17 so he probably still had some GI Joe type shit in his head. Don't know about my Green Beret uncle but he seemed too nice to do that stuff.

Or maybe they were making ear necklaces and raping. You never know. War fucks people up. Pat is fat and Joe is a nigger.

 

[TorpidSloth]

Vietnam just seemed fucking crazy.

I remember seeing a documentary on Richard Ramirez, the Night stlaker. He took a couple of massive head traumas as a kid, which they think screwed up his wiring. Then, just as he was going through puberty, he started hanging out with his older cousin, a Green Beret back from a few tours in Nam. He started showing him Polaroids of all the Vietnamese women he'd raped and murdered, the VC he'd decapitated and mutilated, the ear necklace he'd smuggled back.

Then, one day, he killed his wife in front of the teenaged Ramirez. He got off due to PTSD, and was sent to some military nuthouse for a couple of years before being released.

Seems like for a while there, they were just sending out guys into the jungle with the understanding "do whatever you think you need to do. Just don't get caught on camera or by a Dudley DoRight."

 

[Danrangutan 🦧]

Doesn’t he feel any shame using veteran benefits when all he did was stay in America and peel potatoes?

 

[whyarewedoingthisagain_mybb]

The only thing we can know is that something did happen.

The Army isn't in the business of having young people enlist and walk away whenever they feel like it in under a year, no questions asked after receiving training/housing/food/clothing. I'm surprised Joe hasn't adequately explained it because I'm sure it's something flattering.

Uncle Sam Is more petty than Brother Joe so something definitely happened. Probably got caught smoking the reefer.

 

[Jizz]

Uncle Sam Is more petty than Brother Joe so something definitely happened. Probably got caught smoking the reefer.

Brother Joe had been selling drugs since he was a boy to provide for his siblings. He says he started playing music with the blacks in the rec hall at the army base and found his calling in life. But I wouldn't be surprised if those brothers were "reefer addicts" and they got caught getting stoned!

 

[kingship75]

That's some real deep shame about what they did. Probably raped a bunch of kids and wore their mothers' ears as necklaces.

You get a Purple Heart for rape now? Dan Mullen must be decorated as a mug.

 

[Chive Turkey]

Vietnam just seemed fucking crazy.

I remember seeing a documentary on Richard Ramirez, the Night stlaker. He took a couple of massive head traumas as a kid, which they think screwed up his wiring. Then, just as he was going through puberty, he started hanging out with his older cousin, a Green Beret back from a few tours in Nam. He started showing him Polaroids of all the Vietnamese women he'd raped and murdered, the VC he'd decapitated and mutilated, the ear necklace he'd smuggled back.

Then, one day, he killed his wife in front of the teenaged Ramirez. He got off due to PTSD, and was sent to some military nuthouse for a couple of years before being released.

Seems like for a while there, they were just sending out guys into the jungle with the understanding "do whatever you think you need to do. Just don't get caught on camera or by a Dudley DoRight."

The entire metric the brass came up with to gauge whether they were winning the war was body count. The basic reasoning was that as long as they were killing more communists on a monthly basis than were flowing in from the North, the insurgency would peter out. Naturally, this meant that the boots on the ground were increasingly and tacitly encouraged to fudge the enemy dead numbahs a bit when the war just kept on chugging along. It's not a big leap from being creative about estimating the number of bodies to being creative in creating the bodies. Especially if you're some poor fuck who has to endure that kind of conflict.

 

[TorpidSloth]

Failure to Adapt. It happens quite a bit, you have the total fuckups getting kicked out in Bootcamp/Schools. This is before every serving at a actual base.

"Failure to Adapt" is the perfect title for Joe's autobiography

 

[Not bad]

If that room's the upgrade, what kind of shitbox were they originally in? And nothing a casino does is for your benefit, you fat bald old idiot. They're not doing you any favours. They want to send you away broke. "Wow, the alcohol and food is free!" Dumb shit

"Now, the trick with cows like Joe Cumia was that they can't bet small for long. He didn't think of it as winning 5 dollars, he though of it as losing the 10 dollars of his allowance that he didn't bet".

 

[TorpidSloth]

"Now, the trick with cows like Joe Cumia was that they can't bet small for long. He didn't think of it as winning 5 dollars, he though of it as losing the 10 dollars of his allowance that he didn't bet".

Downstairs we took him for $214 and upstairs he took free soap, shampoo and towels. Just another lives-off-his-brother cheapskate who loved his free room upgrades, bottomless Jamesons and big turkey sandwiches.

 

[Fat little piggy]

"Failure to Adapt" is the perfect title for Joe's autobiography

Do you think if Moo wrote a book that he would be able to guilt Anth to write the forward for it.

 

[DooDooBrown]

"Failure to Adapt" is the perfect title for Joe's autobiography

Based on the length of his Facebook posts, his autobiography is going to be 1800 pages long and a third of it will be emojis.

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

Doesn’t he feel any shame using veteran benefits when all he did was stay in America and peel potatoes?

No.