• Reminder: Do not call, text, or mention harrassing someone in real life. Do not encourage it. Do not talk about killing or using violence against anyone, or engaging in any criminal behavior. If it is not an obvious joke even when taken out of context, don't post it. Please report violators.

    DMCA, complaints, and other inquiries:

    [email protected]

Fat, unemployed drunk who owes $125k just bought a new King sized bed

TheRevAlJolson

Blackface Killah
Forum Clout
27,917
No single heterosexual man would, you're right. But if you're married, if your wife isn't a cunt muncher and if you make a decent living, she wants the matching Le Creuset pots and pans, the drapes have to match the couches, the dishwasher has to "go with" the marble blah blah blah. It's endless. It's easier just to let them do what they want (within reason - no, we're not having a salmon pink bathroom) and just ask how much it costs.
Bullshit. I keep my place looking like a model home. Got the Neiman Marcus throw blankets, Alberto Minotti sofas, Resto Hardware lamps - I don't fuck around. Do I give a shit? Not really - but bitches go nuts for it. A baller looking crib will knock the clothes off a hoe for you. Quality bitches can sense that shit.

Then again, my boy puts up serious numbers in a crib that looks a lot like the half hovel, so maybe I'm just being a faggot.
 

HotDogJoe

Professional leech since 1994. Anyone can do it.
Forum Clout
79,959
Sleeping on the couch was probably hurting poor Rick's back, so he whined and whined and whined some more until mommy-in-law bought a mattress large enough for both of them and made a promise to Niki that he wouldn't touch her.

The fat baby has cried his way into more free shit, yet again.

That’s exactly what happened and now the bed is way too big for the room. What a depressing life these two hogs lead.
 
G

guest

Guest
Screenshot_20211031-103633_textPlus.jpg
 

NoBacon

An honourable man.
Forum Clout
116,767
He's already written some bed jokes for his new standup routine:

“I got a king sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable. Oh, you're a king you say? Well you won't believe what I have in store for you! It's to your exact specifications! ”
It would be more rancid with more bravado, probably mention how the king probably has free access to his wife’s pussy whenever he wants it like him
 

NoBacon

An honourable man.
Forum Clout
116,767
...it's a Mitch Hedberg joke. Because Pat is a joke thief. Get it?

I don’t really know his jokes, he died when I was like 16 or something. Stand up comedy is terrible and I can’t think of much worse than putting a “special” on and watching some cunt tell jokes on a stage for an hour.

I guess there are some good ones, I don’t know and frankly I don’t want to know
 
Top