Comedian Pat waxes poetically about therapy and suicide

[potatopeeler63]

See how many seconds you can make it without pausing and cringing.
and of course he has a beer on a stool ala Stanhope. need that liquid courage
complete and total projection.

[MEDIA=youtube]vjTfSksIzK8[/MEDIA]

 

[fusciasomething]

0. I can't click on any of his videos or read one word from anything he's written in his horrendous books.. He wore out my ability to tolerate horseshit in any capacity

 

[fricklefrackle]

"Learn to diffuse bombs, motherfucker."

In his wet, little brain he thought this would have killed.
What a predictable, little rube... even his body language as a wannabe comic is cringe as fuck.

 

[guest]

2 seconds. He said "I'm not going to lie" and I had to stop.

 

[ViVillHaVin!]

Oh shit I forgot he was a paid comedian when we met him. He pretends this is not affecting him, but he sure gave that up

 

[RedGlareRecipient]

Nice effeminate Midwestern fag voice

Talk softer why dontcha

 

[potatopeeler63]

Oh shit I forgot he was a paid comedian when we met him. He pretends this is not affecting him, but he sure gave that up

This one is even better.

"Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look like im going to leave you after 9 years for no apparent reason.
and emotionally manipulate you into giving up the rights of the child that's growing in her womb"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HOLEY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK


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[Uncle Floyd]

Oh shit I forgot he was a paid comedian when we met him.

And a "full-time writer."

 

[ViVillHaVin!]

This one is even better.

"Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look like im going to leave you after 9 years for no apparent reason.
and emotionally manipulate you into giving up the rights of the child that's growing in her womb"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HOLEY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

She gave him a reason: she didn't love him and never had. And what baby? What about the 10000 jizz tubes?

 

[guest]

My mommy was a school psychologist so I know all about how the human mind works. Somehow I didn't notice my own wife hated me and panicked at the thought of me being near a baby.

 

[TomFromNawlins]

See how many seconds you can make it without pausing and cringing.
and of course he has a beer on a stool ala Stanhope. need that liquid courage
complete and total projection.

He has the beer on the stool because he envisions having that in a contract rider when he plays the big rooms.

"Mr Tomlinson requires a 16oz beer of a non-IPA variety to be placed on a stool next to the microphone at the beginning of the performance, child."

 

[Raymond]

Not demanding anything, but the monster had a point.

 

[fricklefrackle]

Oh shit I forgot he was a paid comedian when we met him. He pretends this is not affecting him, but he sure gave that up

He just wrote a "new set list" dontcha know

 

[ViVillHaVin!]

He just wrote a "new set list" dontcha know

meh, his style of punching up humour is not for me. "Stupid republicans don't like masks!" Buahaha

 

[MonsterSteve]

This one is even better.

"Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look like im going to leave you after 9 years for no apparent reason.
and emotionally manipulate you into giving up the rights of the child that's growing in her womb"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HOLEY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

What?? TOO REAL???

Yes Rick, she left you for 'no apparent reason'. Not because you're a fat idiot who looks at the world like it's black or white. Not because you're obsessed with Twitter.

He also thought the "We have enough Kohls cash" line would kill. Fucking fat faggot.

 

[BudDickman]

Every standup set I've seen of his, he tells the same terrible jokes even though some are years apart. He really thought he was building an hour out of these throw away jokes. Half of them only have the timing of a joke without any of the humor, so that the audience knows when to pity laugh, and the other half he has to explain that the last sentence was the punchline attempt.

Also, I think the woke crowd ended his standup career more than the cyberstlakers. Half of these jokes are not woke compliant even though they suck. This is when he was trying to be like Louis CK. I can't imagine what his new set would be based on the shit he talks about now on Twitter. His best chance at having a funny standup routine is just accurately describing his life.

 

[Brooke Shields]

"Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look like im going to leave you after 9 years for no apparent reason.
and emotionally manipulate you into giving up the rights of the child that's growing in her womb"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HOLEY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT? TOO REAL???

 

[Brooke Shields]

What?? TOO REAL???

Yes Rick, she left you for 'no apparent reason'. Not because you're a fat idiot who looks at the world like it's black or white. Not because you're obsessed with Twitter.

He also thought the "We have enough Kohls cash" line would kill. Fucking fat faggot.

FAWK, the line! I was gonna say that!

 

[RobertMewler]

Boooo.. he's hunched over with that beer gut looking like his shit's gophering. Very disrespectful.

 

[AntsBatteryCharge]

I can never make it far into these because I already waste enough time shitposting nonsense... but that part about not getting the suicide note just right... it seems familiar and I'm not sure if I've seen this clip before and/or if he stole that joke. Someone here will know, Patrick... someone will know.

Edit: "Learn to diffuse bombs..."
Yeah no shit

edit edit: "From an evolutionary standpoint..."
Mr. Jizzard the scientist thinks evolution stopped thousands of years ago.

final edit: "I apologize." Of course he'd only say that as a "joke," but never for real. I am gay, but he is fat