Any good middle school stories?

[Matt from Tinder]

Hair metal ballads take me back to middle school better than anything else. Slow dancing to Every Rose Has Its Thorn with my pecker pressed against a girl's thigh while sniffing her perfume. Looking back on it now, it's kind of creepy that many of those girls' mothers were chaperones and organized those pecker pressing events.

In sixth grade, two of my friends and I ruined a class field trip to the zoo when we derailed the dinky zoo train. That was the first and last time I ever got swats and the principal didn't take it easy on my skinny twelve-year-old ass. My dad never spanked me that hard.

 

[PatrickSTomlinsonVEVO]

i got sent to the principal’s for making up a song about a girl in my grade who had two dyke lesbian box-eating moms. the very same day my cunt of an art teacher overheard me talking about seeing a kid get punched in the bathroom & she made me go report it to the principal’s again in the same day. i never got sent to the principal’s at any other time of my life & the only two times were on the same day for different reasons. life really throws you a curveball sometimes, eh? i hate blacks