A running list of thing Patrick thinks are crimes:

[guest]

Viewing a forum

 

[Snake]

Impersonating his toilet and pink blanket.

 

[Brooke Shields]

Calling a person with a penis a man

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Paying Quasi.

 

[guest]

Asking for him at a bar

Saying hey to him anywhere

Not telling the truth about who you are on a phone call

Having a website

Making a twitter of items in his life

Please continue below

Also being Indian as he is an ardent racist. I see you Quasi

 

[guest]

Making a song parody of "Rock Lobster" about the man who fucked your wife.

 

[UnPRePared]

Naming your newest album "The Weight of Man", along with a track that very much calls out your delusions, "You Could Have Been Someone", and actually going home to a second, better wife.

(In all seriousness, I still get on very well with my ex wife Tyla - another impossible thought for The Fat American.)

 

[guest]

Making tribute accounts on twitter. We're basically Joe Cumia doing 2U when we make StealthyNigger alts.

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

Paying Norm MacDonald to make a Cameo. Also, getting paid to make a Cameo

 

[RacistPigeon]

Not agreeing that anyone left of Mao is literally Hitler

 

[BillyCorgan'sFallenTree]

Exposing Paul Weimer's questionable photography.
Hoping Paul kills himself.
Joking about his dead lizard (something he notified the police about)

 

[JoeCumiaDotCom]

Farting in his wife's vagina

 

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

Sending faxes

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

Attending a convention

 

[guest]

section 270 (sic)

Lmao. For someone who spends all day politicking I find it hilarious that he forgot it was 230, also forgot what an attorney general was called.

 

[Heyfellas]

Posting thoughts and prayers on memorial websites

 

[Phish]

Defending yourself with an AR against a pedo and a wife beater that are about to kill you

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Naming your newest album "The Weight of Man", along with a track that very much calls out your delusions, "You Could Have Been Someone", and actually going home to a second, better wife.

(In all seriousness, I still get on very well with my ex wife Tyla - another impossible thought for The Fat American.)

I only get along with one of my exes. The chick I was with the longest lives in the same town as me and and I somehow never see her or just haven't noticed her. A while ago we finally walked past eachother in a grocery store and she huffed and rolled her eyes. I just gave her a confused face. Like, sorry I have to buy food at the busiest grocery store in town and happened to run into you once in like seven years you self-centered cunt. It's not like I fucking followed you there.

 

[Heyfellas]

He thinks it's a crime for himself to call your number. Remember Josiah 5? The fact that I'm calling you right now is a fucking felony!

Promising 85 pages is also a felony

 

[Uncle Floyd]

Farting in open and willing vaginas.