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You’ve got 1 hour in an empty bar with Joseph Cumia

Torque’sHeadBump

(Voluntarily) torqued boomer
Forum Clout
63,924
What do you do?

Here’s the scenario: you’re driving home and see a dilapidated moose lodge and figure ‘what the hell? It’s Friday afternoon and I had a hard week at work. I can have a pop or two in silence before I go home to the wife and kids.’

Parking lot has about 3 cars, so you know it’s gonna be a quiet one and you can decompress from the week. As you sip your beer, maybe watch some sporting event / highlights and have a friendly chat with the matronly bartender, in strides the Cow.

He’s laying it on thick with the regulars and trying to be friendly. Airborne gear, gloves, looper, etc.

As he walks up to the bar he notices you and says “Hi, uh, how’s it goin? You here for the show??” He has no idea you’re a brotherman. This is your time to shine. What do you do?
 

Torque’sHeadBump

(Voluntarily) torqued boomer
Forum Clout
63,924
Ask him for some stories about his military deployments and let him bury himself in stuttering, meandering lies.

“Uh uh uh I was ahhhhh….stationed in Nicaragua when the uh uh…Sandi….uhhh…I jumped out of a ummmm….”
Vurry good. But I bet Joseph is so fucking delusional and arrogant that he has his answer down to a T. He’d act like he was was jumping out of planes over northern France in 44.
 

Torque’sHeadBump

(Voluntarily) torqued boomer
Forum Clout
63,924
Besides Opie I could sit down and have a beer with Joe without trashing him. It would be like sitting down with a sentient bovine. If you got the chance to talk to a cow wouldn’t you ask it what it thinks, why it thinks certain things, etc? It’d be a fun experiment.
1700330721243.jpeg
 

Torque’sHeadBump

(Voluntarily) torqued boomer
Forum Clout
63,924
It was one of the episodes Bennington was in the studio. They were shooting the shit about what songs would get played on the old HOME OF ROCK AN ROLL stations and Ant brought up how his brother is seriously good friends with Blue Oyster Cult for reals guys
Joseph was probably listening to that broadcast with tears in his cow eyes
 

NortheastPhilly

Shock Jock
Forum Clout
30,833
Joe sits down at the bar 3 seats away from me. Im slightly turned away, cap pulled down partially obscuring my face as I stir the ice in my rum and coke.

I break the silence…
“Well…ya gonna suck our cocks or whistle dixie?”

The bartenders gaze flashes towards us from across the bar. His eyes dart back and forth between us, looking incredibly on edge.

Joe orders a doubleshot of Jameson and promptly puts it down.
“Must be behind the times around here. I dont do that anymore. Havent in years. Im in town to play music.”

I chuckle condescendingly. “I saw what you used to do. Been on the receiving end of it. I FELT it. Listen, I’ve been around the block. Seen many a cocksucker come through here and I’ll tell ya this. Guy as deep in the business as you were….DONT just quit. They try, but they always come back”

Joe sighs, pushes his empty shot glass away from him in defeat. “Fine I’ll suck your cock, jeez”
 
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