What would you do if you were Pat?

[BudDickman]

Let's say you found yourself in Pat's situation. You're in debt, you have multiple websites chronicling your many failures, you earn almost no income because your career is a sham, and you're fat.

For the purpose of this exercise, suppose you have the reasoning ability of a normal person and you're capable of feeling shame, so everything mentioned above upsets and embarrasses you. Aside from that, you don't have any skills that Pat doesn't have.

How do you even begin to dig yourself out of this hole?

Deleting social media and losing weight goes without saying. But beyond that, how do you function in the world knowing that the Tomlinson name is shit and will either prevent you from getting a job or make you the object of ridicule at any place that is willing to hire you?

 

[guest]

 

[guest]

Easy.

I would make a video calling out the forum. Then I would end it with a rich vos plug and say "peckahs." Confuse everybody. I would pretend to be a pest all along and claim everyone was trolled.

His only genuine followers are on this site. Nobody in his scifi circles actually cares about him. I'd make this place my actual followers/fans. Everyone here would be buying my new book about how I trolled everyone. I'd turn against the sfwa too, to attract new readers who love that sort of drama. Hell, thatd actually make people in the sfwa finally buy one of my books, now that I think about it. Itd be my best seller.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

Kill myself.

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

Admit Norm is funny

 

[RedGlareRecipient]

The only actual answer is death. Sometimes you dig a hole and sometimes you dig a grave.

and he’s far too fat to climb

 

[guest]

Change my diet, get a job at Barnes & Noble, and stop letting niggers blow gas in my wife.

 

[BudDickman]

Easy.

I would make a video calling out the forum. Then I would end it with a rich vos plug and say "peckahs." Confuse everybody. I would pretend to be a pest all along and claim everyone was trolled.

His only genuine followers are on this site. Nobody in his scifi circles actually cares about him. I'd make this place my actual followers/fans. Everyone here would be buying my new book about how I trolled everyone. I'd turn against the sfwa too, to attract new readers who love that sort of drama. Hell, thatd actually make people in the sfwa finally buy one of my books, now that I think about it. Itd be my best seller.

Him being a troll is honestly as plausible as him being real.

 

[guest]

Delete my Twitter, unplug myself from the internet, go on a diet, declare bankruptcy, then get a real job. Most importantly UNPLUG. This solution to internet trolling is as old as time. It would instantly and permanently put a stop to the fun we are having here. He obviously has a long way to go in terms of looking good, and being in his 40s doesn't help, but at least he's not 400 lbs. With enough discipline he could have an okay body in a year. And selling insurance isn't the sexiest job, but it's the only thing he knows how to do and as a man in his 40s, he can't afford to be picky. Going back to a regular job would also give him some humility and make him a less hateable person. These are of course total fantasies and I know that Patrick will go to his grave drinking and tweeting and getting trolled and chasing his childish goal of being the next Douglas Adams.

 

[guest]

Admit Norm is funny

That ship...has sailed.

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

That ship...has sailed.

It would be the 1st step in a long road to redemption.

 

[guest]

It's not a great mystery or in need of a grand plan. Just stop being a dick. Problem solved.

 

[AntsBatteryCharge]

Go to a job every day instead of a couch and a bar

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

I’ve always said that Patrick would be smart if he created a Cameo and said whatever the hell we asked him to for $50 a pop. He would make a killing

 

[EraGodless]

Easy.

I would make a video calling out the forum. Then I would end it with a rich vos plug and say "peckahs." Confuse everybody. I would pretend to be a pest all along and claim everyone was trolled.

His only genuine followers are on this site. Nobody in his scifi circles actually cares about him. I'd make this place my actual followers/fans. Everyone here would be buying my new book about how I trolled everyone. I'd turn against the sfwa too, to attract new readers who love that sort of drama. Hell, thatd actually make people in the sfwa finally buy one of my books, now that I think about it. Itd be my best seller.

That would be a helluva heel turn... (Randy Savage is fans/followers and the SFWA)

 

[guest]

It would be the 1st step in a long road to redemption.

For you. Have you forgotten who we’re talking about?

 

[guest]

Delete my Twitter, unplug myself from the internet, go on a diet, declare bankruptcy, then get a real job. Most importantly UNPLUG. This solution to internet trolling is as old as time. It would instantly and permanently put a stop to the fun we are having here. He obviously has a long way to go in terms of looking good, and being in his 40s doesn't help, but at least he's not 400 lbs. With enough discipline he could have an okay body in a year. And selling insurance isn't the sexiest job, but it's the only thing he knows how to do and as a man in his 40s, he can't afford to be picky. Going back to a regular job would also give him some humility and make him a less hateable person. These are of course total fantasies and I know that Patrick will go to his grave drinking and tweeting and getting trolled and chasing his childish goal of being the next Douglas Adams.

This. Delete or at least deactivate/lock all socials, change my phone number, diet and exercise. Get a real job, any real job. Work 40 hours/week minimum. Quit drinking. Get some real hobbies (maybe some kind of MMA like BJJ/boxing/Muay Thai no faggoty aikido or whatever). If you want to continue writing as a hobby/second income, take some writing classes and put some time into it instead of getting drunk and writing shitty drivel at the bar. Go out on dates with Niki and pay attention to her instead of the phone. In 12-18 months, not only will the atalkers be gone, but his life would be much better and he would probably realize how stupid social media is in the first place and not spend much time on it anyway.

 

[FurBurger]

Apologise for his Norm comment, delete all social media, give up his writing hobby (at least under the Tomlinson name) and lean into his insurance-selling job. Maybe pass some certifications so that he can sell more lucrative products.

Reconnect with his daughter; either peacefully though her mother or by going to court and fighting for whatever limited, supervised visiting rights they allow. Sign up to one of those diet meal plan systems that delivers your food, get a Fitbit and a scale, give up drinking. Hit the gym.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

I'd sure stay the fuck off twitter, that's for sure