So when those overworked, underpaid officers told the story to their loved ones the next day

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

Do you think their story began with, "There was this unfortunate, highly traumatized guy we mistreated tonight. God, people have been fucking with him for years. I don't know how he goes on?"

Or do you think they may have framed it differently? Feel free to provide examples.

 

[FurBurger]

"Think of the first joint of your little finger, only with the nail swollen a bit. It was like that; I don't know how he pees"

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

We called him dickhole, because where the dick should be there was a hole instead.

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

Hell yeah. Y'all are great cops, I can tell. Fine attention to detail.

 

[Brooke Shields]

Next morning(same morning)

"Are we getting anyone to check on that post-op tranny dude screaming in his robe?"

 

[Jenna]

"You remember that scene in Silence of the Lambs, where the killer guy, not Hannibal the other one, he tucks his dick in between his legs and starts dancing around like he's a lady? That's all I could think of."

 

[The Greaseman]

"Good morning honey. Hey, did you know they bred a human-pig hybrid?"

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

"Good morning honey. Hey, did you know they bred a human-pig hybrid?"

 

[Guinness525]

Though no one was dead or hurt, the cops still encountered something rotten that night. I’m sure their instincts were screaming at them to beat and book that fucker.

It’s like catching a stray dog, discovering it has rabies, and being forced to set it free again because it wasn’t the right dog.

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

Though no one was dead or hurt, the cops still encountered something rotten that night. I’m sure their instincts were screaming at them to beat and book that fucker.

It’s like catching a stray dog, discovering it has rabies, and being forced to set it free again because it wasn’t the right dog.

Reminds me of Patrice and the "It's cold out here" story. He said something about how as the guy got back in his own car with the Christmas tree strapped on the roof, Patrice got the feeling like he'd just let evil get away.

You're dead right. I'll bet all six cops' "Spidey sense" was tingling.

 

[Easily_Remembered]

"You ever heard of something called Opie and Andy? There's this fat guy in a shithole on Oakland ..."

 

[guest]

The officer comes home, walks into his kitchen and lets out a deep sigh. His wife is making the morning coffee, watching him attentively. He sits down and buries his face in his hands. After awhile, his wife realizes he's sobbing and muttering that he can't do the job anymore. The wife takes a seat next to him. Lovingly taking his hands, she asks:

"It's that fat fucking author again, isn't it?"

 

[BillKlacks]

 

[EllenTorquehorn]

Next morning(same morning)

"Are we getting anyone to check on that post-op tranny dude screaming in his robe?"

They probably already nicknamed him Hugh Heifer

 

[Chive Turkey]

The officer comes home, walks into his kitchen and lets out a deep sigh. His wife is making the morning coffee, watching him attentively. He sits down and buries his face in his hands. After awhile, his wife realizes he's sobbing and muttering that he can't do the job anymore. The wife takes a seat next to him. Lovingly taking his hands, she asks:

"It's that fat fucking author again, isn't it?"

"Loretta tellin' me you quittin'. How come you're doin' that?"

"..."

 

[NoBacon]

Reminds me of Patrice and the "It's cold out here" story. He said something about how as the guy got back in his own car with the Christmas tree strapped on the roof, Patrice got the feeling like he'd just let evil get away.

You're dead right. I'll bet all six cops' "Spidey sense" was tingling.

I wanna listen to that again now, anyone know what to search for?

Edit nvm it’s literally called it’s cold out here lol

 

[Phish]

Next time the PD shows up they should take a huge scoop of peanut butter and throw it in their mouths before they knock on the door

 

[HotDogJoe]

There's a part of me that felt sympathy for him when listening to that audio for the first time up until a point. Like when he was screaming "None of you have listening to me for 3 fucking years" I thought "yeah it'd be frustrating to be in this position and still have police showing up to your hovel completely oblivious after all that time".

Then I heard all his "shut up. You know nothing. You don't get to speak" garbage that he was brave enough to spew because he was talking to a female officer and now I pretty much don't care what happens to him.