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Should I gain weight to be happy, or stay slim for bottom surgery?

Chive Turkey

Erock Army Deserter
Forum Clout
35,957
So hiya! I am 25 MTF and a few months now away from finally starting HRT. I am super excited to finally start getting the body I want, only... I might not??

I want to gain weight, like a lot of weight. I weigh 85kg now, and I want to get to 135kg, maybe more even. Basically become a BBW because that is what I find most pretty and want for myself!

If I do this tho, I will not be able to get the bottom surgery I want with Dr. Bank at Suporn Clinic in Thailand since you need to be below a certain BMI to get chosen. I am still a student, and it will take a long time to save up for this surgery, and there is still a big lottery with whether or not one gets chosen among all the other transfems applying for it. I have bottom dypshoria, nothing terrible, I just wish I had a vagina, but the thought of having to stay thin, maybe having to loose even more weight for many more years just to be able to apply really makes me depressed, like I still can't get the body I want even after starting hrt.

Would it maybe be better to just not care about whether or not I get surgery and instead just be happy? I am not defined by what's down there, and think I would rather just be huge, soft and huggable. So many thoughts and feelings, and ofc I know the decicion lies with me in the end, but has anyone else been in this situation, or something similar?

xoxo -T
 
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