Remember Jess Phoenix? Apparently she wrote a book and it sells way better than Pat's

[TorquieTwoBeers]

Jess Phoenix is a woman on Twitter who studies volcanos that Pat simps for. She's the one who he said should give him and Niki a guided tour around Hawaii.

Anyway, she wrote a book that got published about a year ago:

https://mobile.twitter.com/jessphoenix2018/status/1379495393747079168

Now, I don't understand why anyone on earth would be interested in an autobiography written by a complete nobody, but she managed to get a blurb from Patton Oswalt for it, among others. Let's check in on its Amazon sales rank:


555,755th in Books. Let's check in on In The Black, which does not feature a blurb from Patton Oswalt and instead features the same blurb from Max Gladstone that his two previous books had (From memory: "Taut, funny, and human, Gate Crashers takes us from zero to FTL in seconds flat"):


1,426,747th in Books. Jess Phoenix is an actual scientist with a full time job yet she managed to crank out a full on book that outsells Pat's latest by a mile. Even though her book is an autobiography and she is not a notable person in any way.

Nice failure of a career, Pat.

 

[DominusOdium]

Patton Oswalt with the killer endorsement!

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

Remember when he tried to volunteer her to be his personal tour guide and she put him on the pay no mind list?

 

[RobertMewler]

There are two reasons why he simps for her so hard:

 

[Harry Powell]

Remember when he tried to volunteer her to be his personal tour guide and she put him on the pay no mind list?

View attachment 33028

Stupid faggot never learned etiquette. He thinks being overly familiar like this is funny and charming.

Well, maybe it is if you’re extremely attractive and talented or young, and he is none of those.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

Stupid faggot never learned etiquette. He thinks being overly familiar like this is funny and charming.

Well, maybe it is if you’re extremely attractive and talented or young, and he is none of those.

He thought he could get a free and private volcano tour from someone he follows on twitter. He acted like he was doing her a favor.

 

[BudDickman]

Pat seems like one of those guys who wants to be polyamorous but can't get any action on the side. Fortunately for him, neither can Niki.

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

"Ms Adventure" is she? Go analyze some volcanic ash you frump with a decent set.

 

[guest]

Remember when he tried to volunteer her to be his personal tour guide and she put him on the pay no mind list?

View attachment 33028

This is Patrick at his autistic best. He (incorrectly) assumes someone who messages with him on Twitter is his IRL friend. He compounds that mistake by going with the “assumptive close” that Jess wants the privilege of being Fat Pat and Big Niki’s personal tour guide.

She’s not gonna fuck you, dude.

 

[SensibleKeks]

Phoenix is the co-host of the Discovery television series Hunting Atlantis, which has been criticized by scientists from the archaeology, anthropology, and history communities for pseudoscience and misrepresenting history and archaeology for entertainment purposes.[12][13] Jason Colavito, a skeptic and debunker of pseudoscience in popular culture, called Hunting Atlantis one of the worst, most incoherent, poorly written, and badly produced pseudohistory documentaries in its genre."[14]

WTF?! Junk science tv shows are Pat's bread and butter bitch! Stay out of his lane!

 

[FurBurger]

He thinks being overly familiar like this is funny and charming.

It's because he has no theory of mind; he can't see things from her perspective. He wants the pretty girl to be his friend, he can't imagine that she might have a different opinion.

This is partly why his books sell so badly; the characters are just him in different clothes.

 

[RobertMewler]

It's because he has no theory of mind; he can't see things from her perspective. He wants the pretty girl to be his friend, he can't imagine that she might have a different opinion.

This is partly why his books sell so badly; the characters are just him in different clothes.

And when the pretty girls reject him, he convinces himself that it's because they're deluded ("A lie she tells herself to this day").

 

[JewishNigger]

There are two reasons why he simps for her so hard:

i-i want to suck 'em *sniff*

 

[Harry Powell]

I mean despite being average, I see the appeal. A smart woman who makes something of herself and doesn’t just lay around and coast off her pussy is always attractive. And those hangers ain’t bad at all. I would.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

WTF?! Junk science tv shows are Pat's bread and butter bitch! Stay out of his lane!

She has been doing those same shitty shows Pat has been doing for years but had some type of respect but looks like there is more money in fake shit she means while should have done fans only

 

[Libby Son Of Loin]

And when the pretty girls reject him, he convinces himself that it's because they're deluded ("A lie she tells herself to this day").

He actually fucking fell for Dawn Costello. What a rube

 

[FurBurger]

And when the pretty girls reject him, he convinces himself that it's because they're deluded ("A lie she tells herself to this day").

It's one thing to know what he does; but when you see such a perfect example of it.... that is brutal.

 

[guest]

There are two reasons why he simps for her so hard:

He simps for the most average women. Nice rack but that's about it. Not ugly, not pretty. Just average.

 

[Libby Son Of Loin]

He simps for the most average women. Nice rack but that's about it. Not ugly, not pretty. Just average.

She has down syndrome eyes, but those tits don't lie

 

[Meownaw]

Might as well be the Christina Ricci thread as she does nothing for me.
Repurposing jokes