Okay, tell me what you’re working on. Do you have an elevator pitch? Have a publisher lined up? Deadline? Let’s get excited...

[guest]

PATRICK-
I've got an elevator pitch... but no publisher or deadlines. It should be ready just in time for the holidays!

A grown Tiny Tim teams up with Oliver Twist and David Copperfield on a bloody rampage through 1863 London's underworld seeking Ebenezer Scrooge's murderer.

[URL unfurl="true"]https://twitter.com/stealthygeek/status/1483566401738653707?s=20[/URL]

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

3 likes. I don’t think there’s a demand.

 

[DanMullen'sRetardedNephew]

Hack premise from a hack writer. He really should kill himself.

 

[CarolMaxheinie]

Wow. Even for a pants-shitting fat retard that’s a dogshit concept.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

He’s become so desperate he’s now “writing” on an idea that got likes on twitter. Talk about nothing on the horizon.

 

[guest]

He thinks his ideas are so woooah coool dude....Tiny Tim Scratchit, all grown up. Yikh, nerd.

 

[SensibleKeks]

The murderer: JACK THE RIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jenna]

He comes up with these insane ideas for action stories but then doesn't write any action scenes. The entire premise is built around a "bloody rampage" but 99% of the book will be haughty dialogue and terrible similes. When you go to a John Wick film, you don't want to see 90 minutes of every other character being afraid to fight John Wick. They all know John Wick is the toughest guy on the planet so they all cower in fear because they are afraid of getting beat up by him.

This is easily the biggest "Action" scene from In The Black. Earlier in the chapter Tyson's robot girlfriend turns evil, tries to choke her, but his human love interest Elsa comes back and shoots the evil robot. They escape but the robot takes over other robotics because that's what robots do.

He spends most of the time explaining that the explosions in "the holos" aren't realistic. The robot launches one missile at our hero, then the longtime doorman named Reggie shoots the robot and the threat is immediately neutralized, so Patrick can get back to snappy dialogue. No need to fight the giant robot mecha, eventually figuring out a clever way to defeat it like they do in the holos. Here's a black guy named Reggie and he's got a gun that kills giant mechas.

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

Three books Pat has never read:

1. A Christmas Carol
2. Oliver Twist
3. David Copperfield

He's seen movies or cartoons of them, but I would bet my house that he's never read them. He is an admittedly slow reader who claims he never reads a book more than once. What a perfect candidate to write a novel based on three old ass books written in an archaic Victorian style in an attempt to go viral in 2022.

In all honesty, I am so glad that this is the idea he's settled on for his next book because it is the least interesting and stupidest fucking idea on the planet. He's going to spend 8 months on this, only to have to self-publish it.

 

[guest]

The murderer: JACK THE RIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

Wow. Even for a pants-shitting fat retard that’s a dogshit concept.

ffs even if he could just embrace his retardation he could come up with something unique - how about a pulp novel about a detective with Down's Syndrome in 1940's LA?

He's not talented enough to produce something actually good, and he's too much of a fat stubborn mong to leverage his buxotic hydroencephaly and at least produce something unique.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

The murderer: JACK THE RIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!

No doubt a member of Queen Victoria's inner circle!

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

View attachment 20132

.

Five sentences in and I have to tap out. "Doubtlessly Paris trying to unnerve him further". First, he should have used "undoubtedly" or if he wanted to, rearrange to use "doubtless". "Doubtlessly" sounds terrible. A quick Google search confirms this:

Doubtlessly

It always bears replacement with <em>doubtless</em>, which functions as an adverb (in addition to being an adjective) by convention.

grammarist.com

BUT, if he really, really wanted to use "Doubtlessly", he should have written "Doubtlessly, it was Paris trying to unnerve him further". "Doubtlessly Paris" sounds confusingly like a full, proper name or something and the whole sentence reads like a fragment. Just poor, uninspired writing.

 

[Meownaw]

He comes up with these insane ideas for action stories but then doesn't write any action scenes. The entire premise is built around a "bloody rampage" but 99% of the book will be haughty dialogue and terrible similes. When you go to a John Wick film, you don't want to see 90 minutes of every other character being afraid to fight John Wick. They all know John Wick is the toughest guy on the planet so they all cower in fear because they are afraid of getting beat up by him.

View attachment 20132

This is easily the biggest "Action" scene from In The Black. Earlier in the chapter Tyson's robot girlfriend turns evil, tries to choke her, but his human love interest Elsa comes back and shoots the evil robot. They escape but the robot takes over other robotics because that's what robots do.

He spends most of the time explaining that the explosions in "the holos" aren't realistic. The robot launches one missile at our hero, then the longtime doorman named Reggie shoots the robot and the threat is immediately neutralized, so Patrick can get back to snappy dialogue. No need to fight the giant robot mecha, eventually figuring out a clever way to defeat it like they do in the holos. Here's a black guy named Reggie and he's got a gun that kills giant mechas.

Sorry, stupid but In The Black is milspec scifi not action. Go and educate yourself so you know what to say. Nyum nyum nyum nyum

 

[Stent]

a detective with Down's Syndrome in 1940's LA?

This is a great idea. It would make for the most amazing noir film.

"Forget it, Jake. It's Downstown."

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

This is a great idea. It would make for the most amazing noir film.

"Forget it, Jake. It's Downstown."

Her eyes said "no" but the lead-based paint on her walls said "yes"...

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

The speed of light is ~ 299,792,458 m/s while sound is ~ 343
lightning would be roughly 874,030 times faster than a thunder clap. Why would you use both of them in the same simile to describe the speed of something?

If sports-pat ™ had ever gone to an actual baseball game, he'd have noticed this first hand. You can actually see a home run before you hear the bat a second later.

"it was so like super fast it was like the fastest anything in the universe can travel and something you can observe from a 300 pound drunk guy at an over 30 softball league"

You don't need to have seen sports to know that "it was like a lightning strike and a thunder clap, over in a split second" is incorrect and bad writing. All you need to have seen is a thunderstorm. You get lightning, then sometimes as much as 5-10 seconds later, the thunderclap. The only way they'd both be "over in a split second" is if you were actually struck by lightning. He's a dunce.

 

[Stent]

Her eyes said "no" but the lead-based paint on her walls said "yes"...
View attachment 20145

"My day was looking up. A dame sitting in my office and a dime sitting in my mouth."

 

[Jim-sucks-shit]

3 likes. I don’t think there’s a demand.

I should never be surprised anymore but I still am. 46.1 thousand followers and he only gets 3 likes. That is an astoundingly bad ratio to the point that it's almost unbelievable and mathematically impossible. You'd figure more than 3 would even accidentally click like while scrolling.

Obviously it's because the majority of pat's followers are bots and dead accounts but this fucking pigger really thinks he has a following.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

I should never be surprised anymore but I still am. 46.1 thousand followers and he only gets 3 likes. That is an astoundingly bad ratio to the point that it's almost unbelievable and mathematically impossible. You'd figure more than 3 would even accidentally click like while scrolling.

Obviously it's because the majority of pat's followers are bots and dead accounts but this fucking pigger really thinks he has a following.

And odds are those likes come from whatever multiple accounts he has. When he was fighting with the various Household items like his toilet the only person liking them was Niki