"Oi bruv, fancy a cuppa?" asked the innkeeper

[Quoth Mama Raven]

"That'd be smashing, mate," came the reply, "I'm more parched than a King's Cross scallywag after a proper rogering!"
"Coming right up, guv. Milk?" asked the man in a tone that was asking, like when someone asks a question.
"Ain't your gaffer told ya?" inquired the guest.
"Told me what?"
"I have what the minnies are calling lactose intolerance."
"You lack toes in toddler ants? That's bang out of order!" screamed the innkeeper.
"No, ya bloody nancy, it means I can't drink milk or me stomach gets all twisty like!"
"Poppycock!"
"All true, I tell yous!" yelled the guest.
"All right, all right. Sugar?"
"Yes, please. Don't you reckon it'd be much more convenient if sugar came in a different shape and all hard-like?"
"What are you babbling about, you absolute nutter?!"
"Never mind, bruv," whispered the man sadly.
"What's your name anyway, mate?"
"Timofee. But you can call me ...

















... Tim."

 

[Patrick O'Neal]

Is this Charles Dickens?

 

[Quoth Mama Raven]

Is this Charles Dickens?

fawwk more like james cockens

 

[NoBacon]

That’s actually how Pat writes.

Instead of writing something like

Tiny Tim considered the henchmen’s offer briefly and with undisguised disdain, “I will never join you, after what you did to Scrooge” he replied in his thick cockney twang, biting away each syllable as a bulldog might gnaw at a bone.

He writes

“WOTS ALL DIS DEN TIM!? YOU WANT JOIN THE LADS AND ME AND GET WHAT FOR US?!”

“EEE GUV I BE NO HAVING THAT….” Etc

Like it’s some autistic and shit tumblr fanfictiin script.

 

[Quoth Mama Raven]

That’s actually how Pat writes.

Instead of writing something like

Tiny Tim considered the henchmen’s offer briefly and with undisguised disdain, “I will never join you, after what you did to Scrooge” he replied in his thick cockney twang, biting away each syllable as a bulldog might gnaw at a bone.

He writes

“WOTS ALL DIS DEN TIM!? YOU WANT JOIN THE LADS AND ME AND GET WHAT FOR US?!”

“EEE GUV I BE NO HAVING THAT….” Etc

Like it’s some autistic and shit tumblr fanfictiin script.

 

[Kurt_Love]

Are you takin the piss out o' me? Me, Tiny Tim, mate?

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

That Patrick cunt's a real poofter

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

“Kippers for breakfast, Helga? Is it St. Swithin’s Day already?”

"Tis!" replied Aunt Helga.

 

[TomFromNawlins]

That’s actually how Pat writes.

Instead of writing something like

Tiny Tim considered the henchmen’s offer briefly and with undisguised disdain, “I will never join you, after what you did to Scrooge” he replied in his thick cockney twang, biting away each syllable as a bulldog might gnaw at a bone.

He writes

“WOTS ALL DIS DEN TIM!? YOU WANT JOIN THE LADS AND ME AND GET WHAT FOR US?!”

“EEE GUV I BE NO HAVING THAT….” Etc

Like it’s some autistic and shit tumblr fanfictiin script.

Do you think he has variants of Tim’s famous line sprinkled throughout?

Tim rigs an explosive trap for a group of thugs, and just before it goes off:
“God damn you all, <typical Pat dramatic pause> everyone.”

Or he is facing off against the final villain and just before he stakes him through the heart with a sharpened piece of his old crutch:

“God bless you, but the Devil take you.”
Or
“God may bless you, but I won’t”

The End

 

[TorqueWheeler]

That’s actually how Pat writes.

Instead of writing something like

Tiny Tim considered the henchmen’s offer briefly and with undisguised disdain, “I will never join you, after what you did to Scrooge” he replied in his thick cockney twang, biting away each syllable as a bulldog might gnaw at a bone.

He writes

“WOTS ALL DIS DEN TIM!? YOU WANT JOIN THE LADS AND ME AND GET WHAT FOR US?!”

“EEE GUV I BE NO HAVING THAT….” Etc

Like it’s some autistic and shit tumblr fanfictiin script.

I actually hope this garbage gets picked up so someone has to do the audio book. They should force Pat to do it himself.

 

[AliceWorquer]

By far the most annoying thing about this book is that it's seasonal, so every missed Christmas deadline is at another guaranteed year of waiting. I know it's probably never getting finished, but I haven't been this genuinely excited about an unreleased book in so long.