I tell you what I
will do though - I'll give Dan some ideas for content.
Defamation's illegal under Swiss law; it can get you up to three years in jail. Dan files a complaint with the Swiss police over the naughty emails you claim to have sent to his employer; that takes him five minutes. Since you used Proton Mail's servers, and they're located in Switzerland, the crime is considered to have taken place there - enough to show standing, anyway. Swiss cop fills out the necessary form to pull your details out of Proton; that takes
him five minutes. If you've used a VPN, they hand over the phone number Proton used to sent the authentication text to you when you activated the account. If you didn't use a VPN, they've got your IP. Both mobile SIMs and ISP accounts are
strongly tied to identities in Australia; there's no burner phones over there. Plus they hold two years of your metadata for "law enforcement purposes". Fun fact: you can tell which VPNs really
do value your privacy, because they don't have endpoints in Australia - because the ones that do have to log two years of metadata under federal law. Most don't give a shit, despite what they say in their ads.
Swiss cop is super happy now; international cybercrime looks fantastic on a resume, and private industry pay top-dollar for ex-cops with experience. He contacts their international liaison officer who determines there's an MOU between Australia and Switzerland (I checked, there is!), and they fill out the necessary form to have the courts approve a request for your details. That'll be rubberstamped (they've got evidence, you're not going to fight it), and forwarded to the Aussie police. The Swiss cops have now spent maybe two hours total on the case - that'll come up later.
The Aussie cops, under the MOU, now take over both the investigation and the cost of investigation. They use their unsupervised backdoor access to telcos to pull your name, address, date of birth, dick length etc, and come and have a chat. It's likely they'll want your phone, laptop, desktop etc. for forensic acquisition as well - so you should
delete fucking everything. Remember, it's not costing Dan or the Swiss anything; and the Aussies can't really say "no" without causing an international incident. Asymmetric warfare, if you like.
After that, you face court in Australia to see if there's any reason not to allow your extradition (no death penalty, no problem), then you get extradited to stand trial (again on the Aussie dime - the Swiss really do come off easy under the MOU), face up to two year's jail under Switzerland's hilarious defamation laws; and Dan gets to sue you for any damages you may have caused him.
You once said you liked my legal analysis on here; how'd that one strike you?
(If anyone's wondering why they haven't heard of this shit happening more often, it's because it
was happening, and then Congress passed a law round about 2005 ordering US courts to ignore foreign requests for anything that would be protected under the 1st Amendment. Unfortunately, Doug as an Aussie has
no protected free speech, and there's whole topics he's forbidden by law to discuss on the internet.
Suicide, for example. )
