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Last call at Hooligans Super Bar

DominusOdium

Unreasonably loud, boisterous and intoxicated
Forum Clout
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When in 1936 our family opened Hooligans, a dream came true. Our founder Owen A. Hooligan wanted to serve the local, low income people home cooked meals like meatloaf and his famous "bread roll with a bunch of butter packets jammed into it".

Since then, we know we've served thousands of customers and been a place for the local community to gather. Whether it's a down on his luck author trying to drink away his failure to secure that book deal, or a wife seeking companionship on a cold night from another woman. We've helped them all to drown their sorrows, fill their stomachs with the best quality food we can buy pre-made from a wholesaler and reheat in our deep fat fryer, and just for a little while come in from the unrelenting cold and misery that living in this desolate Midwestern place, unable to afford living in a decent place like Florida, brings.


As many of you are aware, our current ownership has had to make the difficult decision to bring Hooligans to an end. After a series of lawsuits, criminal investigations, complaints and sanctions from our credit card processor, we can no longer continue to operate day to day. We regret our handling of this situation and the unfortunate decisions of staff to provide a mentally ill regular with confidential credit card information. Although well intentioned, with the goal of one day being able to turn on our fax machine again without graphic porno graphic images streaming through, this has brought us financial ruin.

Thank you for your understanding. If anyone is still holding Hooligans gift cards, we encourage you to make better financial decisions in the future.

Fuck you Patrick,
Hooligans Management


PS: We will be selling the fixtures at auction this Tuesday, 9/11. Anyone seeking a barstool that smells like farts and failure should come by at 9am.
 
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