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Okay, so Im bored and decided to share with you guys one of my favorite lolcows who I’ve been monitoring off and on for the past five or six years. Hardly anyone’s ever heard of him. He’s fairly ordinary as manic YouTube losers go, there are many like this guy but this one is mine. While I understand he isn’t the funniest or most interesting, I still think he is entertaining and fascinating and his saga is full of loffs that I’m dying to regail you guys with. There’s quite a bit of vague similarities with Pat but Pat is of course in a league of his own, but you get what I mean: a know-it-all, fights in Twitter, creepy ect. What's funny about John is cumulative and subtle.
Keep in mind I know this isn’t kiwi farms but I know that at least some of you will enjoy laughing at this guy's fucked up story.
So the thing is is I love following and keeping tabs on weird obscure YouTubers that are unselfaware of how much of a lolcow they truly are but in particular I especially like ones that think they’re intellectuals. John David Ebert is this par excellence. Let me explain.
John David Ebert is a published author (most of it is self-published), he considers himself an intellectual, an "independent scholar" and a “cultural critic” (he reviews movies like Dune or The Joker and “interprets” them i.e. shoehorns a bunch of pseudo-intellectual nonsense, or worse he'll throw in some New Age shit about the afterlife or astrology too, and then posts it on his shitty website Cinemadiscourse or makes a rambling video on his YouTube channel). He’s basically a poor man's Joseph Campbell except poor, an alcoholic, and not intelligent but he’s also very emotionally unstable and probably has bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. And yes, child, he’s an expert on everything and will tell you why he’s correct and everyone else is dead wrong in the most strange matter of fact way possible, even if it’s that mediumship is real and that astrology is accurate and reliable.
His expertise is unfathomable and his supposedly informed opinions range from the most mainstream, boring takes on world events possible (“California will be underwater by 2040 cause the ice caps will have melted”) to the strangest pseudo-intellectual word salad nonsense ive ever seen ("we're currently living in a cultural epoch dominated by what Jean Gebser termed the integrative conciousness structure") all delivered in a semi condescending, matter of fact, know-it-all manner.
“ELECTRONIC AUTOBIOGRAPHY” (LOL)
One of John’s hallmarks and a characteristic he shares with all social media addicted narcissists is he loves over-sharing with strangers online cause he’s a needy faggot. He has a 12 video series (now only 9 videos cause he removed some) called the “electronic autobiography” (stupid name).
(*note* he matter-of-factly declares in the beginning of the first video that he’s originating the “electronic autobiography”, John apparently thinks there’s some merit to making 12 videos detailing his life and somehow this is it’s own unique genre. I bring this up cause this is a typical thing with John, declaring he’s the first to ever do something, always in a very weird matter-of-fact way, and also it’s usually never anything impressive.)
Here's the video If anyone wants to check it out for yourselves (none of you will but it’s good if you wanna see how seriously he takes himself and how awkward and feminine he is. But in all honestly these videos are pretty fawkin entertaining and much funnier if you hear him tell it):
(Notice how NOT ostentatious or annoying his hand gesturing is)
HIGHLIGHTS
Raised in Phoenix, Joe Dirt hick.
His Dad was an abusive-layabout-(but not a drunk)-schizophrenic that got worse as he got older. His great aunt is the only one that loved him (he cries in that video); both parents neglectful, mom was out fucking other guys while lazy jobless bum dad beat him at home.
Dad was likely abused sexually by creepy grandfather (this is important later on)
Only bright spot in his life was that dad let him stay up and watch monster movies which was his “introduction to the Arts” (lol)
‘’Im part Cherokee, maaaan!”
Teenage years: typical shit, partying, oral sex, fondling, fights with dudes over girls, ect. Yawn
He didn’t lose virginity until 23 from a prostitute.
Goes to AZ state, gets English degree. Doesn’t know what to do with himself, literally starts living in his mom’s basement to ponder this over. Starts watching Joseph Campbell on tv which leads to him binging Joseph Campbell books, contacts the Joseph Campbell Foundation, gets job as an editor for 5 years editing his unpublished material.
Gets married to a fatty (“She had meat on her bones”) who apparently liked him cause he was “Intellectual” (lol). Wife is a degenerate who openly lended porn to coworkers, she eventually got a job in phone sex, later became a secretary for a shady escort service (he even claims he helped her manage a brothel in Phoenix at one point), claims she allowed him to have sex with a prostitute one time but was jealous afterwards (?)
Moves with fatty to San Fran, befriends two dykes who run a hip bookshop, they let him manage it, claims he met lots of celebs including Coppola who frequented the book shop, John claims he asked Coppola to write the forward to his unpublished manuscript.
Gets into astrology at this time, and other woo woo bs.
They move back to Phx, lives with mom (lol)
Fatty Gets pregnant, gets abortion, fear of “cycles of abuse” from his father would effect his parenting.
Publishes some pretentious books with small publishers (his first being a book of transcripted phone interviews with Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and other New Age scam artists), none of which make any money. Decide to have a kid anyway.
Marriage ends, fatty moves to Boulder with son to be with family. John goes along to see the kid. Kid still struggles in school, can’t socialize. John can’t make friends. John publishes another book, John gets sick of Boulder, leaves, moves back into Mom’s house, this time in the garage (lol).
John starts getting heavily into woo woo, starts believing in psychics cause of a stupid coincidence with some dogs. Some spooky stuff happened at his mom’s house convinces him of bullshit.
Publishes another book which is a success, makes a little money; Self publishes afterwards cause he never makes money from publishers. Self-publishes 20 books over the next 8 years, most of it pseudo-intellectual garbage, some seriously awful poetry, and a boring novel that’s a retelling of the Gilgamesh Epic.
He’s “the greatest father ever!”
Retarded kid is now homeschooled. Spoils the kid with money from royalties.
Ex’s new boyfriend who “perceived me as a threat” starts “turning her against me”; ex was “jealous” cause he was such a good dad!
On his birthday John is served a restraining order (lol)
Goes to Boulder to fight for custody of kid; Ex’s family is full of self-hating, bad-mouthing “scapegoaters” who hate him; ex’s lawyer is a woman who hates men; the judge “assumed” he was a typical asshole.
Borrows a ton of money from step dad to pay for lawyers; loses.
*Note* John deleted three videos from this series, there used to be 12 and now there’s only 9, in the last video of this series that's now gone it ended hilariously with John addressing his son tearfully, saying he knows he’s watching (even though he’s had no contact with him for years apparently) because a medium told him his son was watching all his videos. The video ends with him with a shaky voice blurting out “I love you!”. You had to see it but it was fucking hilarious and pathetic.
I'll add this. Don't worry
Keep in mind I know this isn’t kiwi farms but I know that at least some of you will enjoy laughing at this guy's fucked up story.
So the thing is is I love following and keeping tabs on weird obscure YouTubers that are unselfaware of how much of a lolcow they truly are but in particular I especially like ones that think they’re intellectuals. John David Ebert is this par excellence. Let me explain.
John David Ebert is a published author (most of it is self-published), he considers himself an intellectual, an "independent scholar" and a “cultural critic” (he reviews movies like Dune or The Joker and “interprets” them i.e. shoehorns a bunch of pseudo-intellectual nonsense, or worse he'll throw in some New Age shit about the afterlife or astrology too, and then posts it on his shitty website Cinemadiscourse or makes a rambling video on his YouTube channel). He’s basically a poor man's Joseph Campbell except poor, an alcoholic, and not intelligent but he’s also very emotionally unstable and probably has bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. And yes, child, he’s an expert on everything and will tell you why he’s correct and everyone else is dead wrong in the most strange matter of fact way possible, even if it’s that mediumship is real and that astrology is accurate and reliable.
His expertise is unfathomable and his supposedly informed opinions range from the most mainstream, boring takes on world events possible (“California will be underwater by 2040 cause the ice caps will have melted”) to the strangest pseudo-intellectual word salad nonsense ive ever seen ("we're currently living in a cultural epoch dominated by what Jean Gebser termed the integrative conciousness structure") all delivered in a semi condescending, matter of fact, know-it-all manner.
“ELECTRONIC AUTOBIOGRAPHY” (LOL)
One of John’s hallmarks and a characteristic he shares with all social media addicted narcissists is he loves over-sharing with strangers online cause he’s a needy faggot. He has a 12 video series (now only 9 videos cause he removed some) called the “electronic autobiography” (stupid name).
(*note* he matter-of-factly declares in the beginning of the first video that he’s originating the “electronic autobiography”, John apparently thinks there’s some merit to making 12 videos detailing his life and somehow this is it’s own unique genre. I bring this up cause this is a typical thing with John, declaring he’s the first to ever do something, always in a very weird matter-of-fact way, and also it’s usually never anything impressive.)
Here's the video If anyone wants to check it out for yourselves (none of you will but it’s good if you wanna see how seriously he takes himself and how awkward and feminine he is. But in all honestly these videos are pretty fawkin entertaining and much funnier if you hear him tell it):
(Notice how NOT ostentatious or annoying his hand gesturing is)
HIGHLIGHTS
Raised in Phoenix, Joe Dirt hick.
His Dad was an abusive-layabout-(but not a drunk)-schizophrenic that got worse as he got older. His great aunt is the only one that loved him (he cries in that video); both parents neglectful, mom was out fucking other guys while lazy jobless bum dad beat him at home.
Dad was likely abused sexually by creepy grandfather (this is important later on)
Only bright spot in his life was that dad let him stay up and watch monster movies which was his “introduction to the Arts” (lol)
‘’Im part Cherokee, maaaan!”
Teenage years: typical shit, partying, oral sex, fondling, fights with dudes over girls, ect. Yawn
He didn’t lose virginity until 23 from a prostitute.
Goes to AZ state, gets English degree. Doesn’t know what to do with himself, literally starts living in his mom’s basement to ponder this over. Starts watching Joseph Campbell on tv which leads to him binging Joseph Campbell books, contacts the Joseph Campbell Foundation, gets job as an editor for 5 years editing his unpublished material.
Gets married to a fatty (“She had meat on her bones”) who apparently liked him cause he was “Intellectual” (lol). Wife is a degenerate who openly lended porn to coworkers, she eventually got a job in phone sex, later became a secretary for a shady escort service (he even claims he helped her manage a brothel in Phoenix at one point), claims she allowed him to have sex with a prostitute one time but was jealous afterwards (?)
Moves with fatty to San Fran, befriends two dykes who run a hip bookshop, they let him manage it, claims he met lots of celebs including Coppola who frequented the book shop, John claims he asked Coppola to write the forward to his unpublished manuscript.
Gets into astrology at this time, and other woo woo bs.
They move back to Phx, lives with mom (lol)
Fatty Gets pregnant, gets abortion, fear of “cycles of abuse” from his father would effect his parenting.
Publishes some pretentious books with small publishers (his first being a book of transcripted phone interviews with Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and other New Age scam artists), none of which make any money. Decide to have a kid anyway.
Marriage ends, fatty moves to Boulder with son to be with family. John goes along to see the kid. Kid still struggles in school, can’t socialize. John can’t make friends. John publishes another book, John gets sick of Boulder, leaves, moves back into Mom’s house, this time in the garage (lol).
John starts getting heavily into woo woo, starts believing in psychics cause of a stupid coincidence with some dogs. Some spooky stuff happened at his mom’s house convinces him of bullshit.
Publishes another book which is a success, makes a little money; Self publishes afterwards cause he never makes money from publishers. Self-publishes 20 books over the next 8 years, most of it pseudo-intellectual garbage, some seriously awful poetry, and a boring novel that’s a retelling of the Gilgamesh Epic.
He’s “the greatest father ever!”
Retarded kid is now homeschooled. Spoils the kid with money from royalties.
Ex’s new boyfriend who “perceived me as a threat” starts “turning her against me”; ex was “jealous” cause he was such a good dad!
On his birthday John is served a restraining order (lol)
Goes to Boulder to fight for custody of kid; Ex’s family is full of self-hating, bad-mouthing “scapegoaters” who hate him; ex’s lawyer is a woman who hates men; the judge “assumed” he was a typical asshole.
Borrows a ton of money from step dad to pay for lawyers; loses.
*Note* John deleted three videos from this series, there used to be 12 and now there’s only 9, in the last video of this series that's now gone it ended hilariously with John addressing his son tearfully, saying he knows he’s watching (even though he’s had no contact with him for years apparently) because a medium told him his son was watching all his videos. The video ends with him with a shaky voice blurting out “I love you!”. You had to see it but it was fucking hilarious and pathetic.
I'll add this. Don't worry
