Is there any greater feeling as an American than....

[Brooke Shields]

testing a fart while grocery shopping for it to scarily reveal itself as a possible shart. You save yourself because you're experienced in toting the shart tightrope, but then try again cause you really feel like you can squeeze a fart past the shart and all but confirm that it is definitely a shart cork, and you only catch it before it really exited the crown of the asshole, but you can't be too sure! No long steps for the rest of the shopping since something might slide out...

Then you get home, walk in the bathroom, pull down your shorts... Undies are clean, give a wipe and it's spotless. It was just the insides that felt the shart liquids moving and you're proud to be an American living in the US of A

 

[Dog Eater]

Yeah it’s called PROUDLY BEARING DOWN AND FILLING MY DIAPER IN THE PRODUCE SECTION YOU UNAMERICAN BASTARD