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Interview and artist rendition of 'The Hog Of Kyiv'

NikkisCrustyGusset

NikkisCrustyGusset

I am the crispy white spot in your soul
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War... has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies, or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and machines. War, and its consumption of life, has become a well-oiled machine.

I, Patrick Sean Tomlinson have been baptised by fire on the battlefield. While battle hardened veterans cowered and froze, I and I alone sprang from the foxhole and lept into the jaws of the enemy. It was merciless. It was savage. It was inhuman what was done to those Spetznaz... But it was war.
I think of Nikki, her large ears and dry vagina...that gum line... Thats what a real man needs to focus on to not allow the carnage to overwhelm you. A heavily armed tank unit approached my position while I was educating the locals on my awesome Lord of the Rings tattoo, men cried. Men fled. Men prayed. I dodged machine gun fire and lobbed a balloon of paint at the fire spitting armoured beast. Immediately everything stopped. I approached the squad and before I uttered a word they had laid down their arms and begged to be taken as POWs...later that evening, after a lecture about Ukrainian and Russian foreign policy, I know my brothers in arms respected, I infiltrated a Russian FOB....I gave them all one chance. One choice. One shot....it was a massacre. The red mist descended and I kept hearing a voice scream QUASI QUASI QUASI QUASI but by the time I realised it was mine I was elbow deep in blood and viscera.

I was tenderly cared for and bathed by Ukrainian models...i asked a veteran who hid when I single handedly took down a SAM site, what were they saying. He wasn't clear but it sounded like the models said 'Brave American muscular hero you are like Superman and Batman. Your bravery makes us wet as the black sea. Jon has a tiny cock. You make us want to have foursome with you, three girls and SuperPatrick. American Hero Patrick is most brave, strong, muscular, intelligent, creative and special man ever.'...their words not mine... A small choir of children came to sing...apparently the words were' king amongst men'... I am so embarrassed. You know how humble and respectful I am.

Tomorrow is the big push. I have to take out at least a thousand special forces troops and capture three generals... Thankfully it isn't more than three... Because if it was... I might be late for lunch'.
 
Clint Ruin

Clint Ruin

I'm sorry, who are you?
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NikkisCrustyGusset said:
View attachment 26971
War... has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies, or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and machines. War, and its consumption of life, has become a well-oiled machine.

I, Patrick Sean Tomlinson have been baptised by fire on the battlefield. While battle hardened veterans cowered and froze, I and I alone sprang from the foxhole and lept into the jaws of the enemy. It was merciless. It was savage. It was inhuman what was done to those Spetznaz... But it was war.
I think of Nikki, her large ears and dry vagina...that gum line... Thats what a real man needs to focus on to not allow the carnage to overwhelm you. A heavily armed tank unit approached my position while I was educating the locals on my awesome Lord of the Rings tattoo, men cried. Men fled. Men prayed. I dodged machine gun fire and lobbed a balloon of paint at the fire spitting armoured beast. Immediately everything stopped. I approached the squad and before I uttered a word they had laid down their arms and begged to be taken as POWs...later that evening, after a lecture about Ukrainian and Russian foreign policy, I know my brothers in arms respected, I infiltrated a Russian FOB....I gave them all one chance. One choice. One shot....it was a massacre. The red mist descended and I kept hearing a voice scream QUASI QUASI QUASI QUASI but by the time I realised it was mine I was elbow deep in blood and viscera.

I was tenderly cared for and bathed by Ukrainian models...i asked a veteran who hid when I single handedly took down a SAM site, what were they saying. He wasn't clear but it sounded like the models said 'Brave American muscular hero you are like Superman and Batman. Your bravery makes us wet as the black sea. Jon has a tiny cock. You make us want to have foursome with you, three girls and SuperPatrick. American Hero Patrick is most brave, strong, muscular, intelligent, creative and special man ever.'...their words not mine... A small choir of children came to sing...apparently the words were' king amongst men'... I am so embarrassed. You know how humble and respectful I am.

Tomorrow is the big push. I have to take out at least a thousand special forces troops and capture three generals... Thankfully it isn't more than three... Because if it was... I might be late for lunch'.
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I skipped all the bullshit after the drawing, but the drawing did crack me up, so it evens out
 
DominusOdium

DominusOdium

GenCon Writers Symposium Special Guest
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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you stlaker? I'll have you know I dropped out while at the top of my class at community college, and I've been involved in numerous barfights at Hooligans, and I have over 300 confirmed won Twitter threads. I am trained in pig warfare and I'm the top social justice warrior in the entire SFWA. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will report the fuck out of you with receipts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, child. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Jew lawyers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Magat. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your mentally ill stlaker forum. You're fucking dead, child. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy you with my collection of seven hundred IPs, and that's just what Liz Clarke gave me. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to an entire arsenal of connections at Twitter HQ and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable stlaker account off the face of Twitter, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have hushed your fucking tongue, before it was too late, child. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're awaiting the final punch, you goddamn idiot. I will take a big meatloaf shit of fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, child.
 
NikkisCrustyGusset

NikkisCrustyGusset

I am the crispy white spot in your soul
‎
Forum Clout
4,622
This
DominusOdium said:
77567fb8814d0fa6f60b6c913a703bfe.jpg

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you atalker? I'll have you know I dropped out while at the top of my class at community college, and I've been involved in numerous barfights at Hooligans, and I have over 300 confirmed won Twitter threads. I am trained in pig warfare and I'm the top social justice warrior in the entire SFWA. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will report the fuck out of you with receipts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, child. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Jew lawyers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Magat. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your mentally ill atalker forum. You're fucking dead, child. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy you with my collection of seven hundred IPs, and that's just what Liz Clarke gave me. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to an entire arsenal of connections at Twitter HQ and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable atalker account off the face of Twitter, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have hushed your fucking tongue, before it was too late, child. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're awaiting the final punch, you goddamn idiot. I will take a big meatloaf shit of fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, child.
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This is one of the best things I've read regarding Fatrick and you have walked a tightrope where it genuinely fucking sounds like him😂 😂 😂 😂 I'll be putting that in my folder of screenshots because this is fucking brilliant! 👍 👍 👍

'' maybe you would have hushed your fucking tongue, before it was too late, child.''....

That is pure prime Piggy when he is angry....
😂 Top stuff mate 👍
 
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