Imagine being this stupid and crazy.

[guest]

Someone contacts you and says they're a journalist and want to do a story about an unpleasant experience you've had. You say OK. He asks if it's alright to record the conversations. No problem, you say. You don't look the guy up, you just start pouring your heart out to him. You ask him how long the piece is going to be. He tells you 8500 words, or about 17 pages. You say cool. You yammer away to him for almost three hours over several weeks before thinking, for the first time, maybe I should check out if this guy is who he says he is.

When you find out he probably isn't he calls back and calls you a fat faggot with bitch tits. You hang up in womanly shock before composing yourself and calling him back. He says it again. You tell him you already figured it out. Chuckling with disbelief at the softball he asks whether you mean you figured out that you're a fat faggot with bitch tits. You stay on the phone for almost half an hour, telling him not to talk and claiming that you knew he was bogus all along, all while sounding like a homosexual psycho from a post-Silence of the Lambs shitty 90s serial killer movie.

I don't think anyone actually exists who would be that dumb and nuts, right?

 

[HotDogJoe]

I don't think anyone actually exists who would be that dumb and nuts, right?

That seems a little far-fetched.

 

[guest]

I love how he called Josiah and said "The fact that you're calling me right now is a fucking felony"

 

[guest]

The Mole (SpaceEdge) vouched for Josiah. No further verification needed. Seth Simons vouched for the Mole (emailing from [email protected]), no further research necessary.

 

[Cygnus Nana X-1]

This was like being scammed by the Nigerian Prince. Only senior citizens have an excuse to be taken like this. He's a rube.

 

[Gay Faggot.]

Now imagine calling yourself a professional author that makes six figures. Now imagine saying you’re not fat, yet even the numbers you put out to the world prove you’re fat. Now imagine losing 150k to a street shitter. Now imagine being a closet queer. Now imagine getting caught cheating at a fun run and not laughing and just being honest. Now imagine getting irate over a gay man pointing this out to you. Now imagine going to bar every day and taking up half the spots for your laptop and mouse. Now imagine being married to a fellow autistic who’s mom pays for things. Now imagine being fat. Now imagine being gay. Now imagine autistically responding to everything. Now we know 1% of what it’s like to be fatrick.

 

[guest]

That’s the thing. Pat did check out the Huffington Post list of writers but then just went ‘Nothing suspicious here!’ and proceeded to make a complete ass of himself. Oopsie Doodles indeed, child.

 

[Snake]

Well we already figured that out, child. And you weren't the only one.

shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Little baby child, you sound like you have peanut butter in your mouth. Blah blah blah? Blah blah blah.

 

[Brooke Shields]

If we've learned anything from Bobo, we can probably pull something like this off 4 or 5 more times until there's no new angle to the bit and we give up

 

[fricklefrackle]

I always love reading these posts knowing Pat is here reading them too and he's got steam shooting out of his overweight ears making a whistling sound.

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

. Now imagine saying you’re not fat, yet even the numbers you put out to the world prove you’re fat.

it's even funnier than that. at 220lbs, being 6 ft his BMI puts him JUST under the threshold for Obese (29.8). But at 5'11 he's at 30.7, and considered obese. So it makes more sense now why he needs to exaggerate his height, he needs to to continue to claim he's not a fat.

 

[Raymond]

After all this time he can still surprise us with his gayness and insanity.

When he goes "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Josiah replies "What the fuck?" without any affectation at all, spontaneously and in honest disbelief.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

I love how he called Josiah and said "The fact that you're calling me right now is a fucking felony"

I had this chick who thought I was hot. Called me up, asked for my number.

 

[stealthygeek]

"Why does your email say huffpost.net instead of huffpost.com?"

"Huh, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask someone in IT"


This was enough to put his suspicions to rest for a few weeks.

 

[Snake]

"Why does your email say huffpost.net instead of huffpost.com?"

"Huh, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask someone in IT"


This was enough to put his suspicions to rest for a few weeks.

[email protected]

 

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

Funny how his own hubris for fame and victim points completely transcended any rational analysis about the obvious red flags

 

[Snake]

Could you imagine being outside the bar having a smoke and watching Pat have his meltdown without knowing any of the context behind it?

I'm sure I could talk a police officer down from arresting me for masturbating in public if I gave him a QRD.

 

[FurBurger]

When you find out he probably isn't he calls back and calls you a fat faggot with bitch tits.

You missed the bit where he called up Josiah and asked why he didn't appear on any of the HuffPost pages or have a HuffPost email address, and so the imaginary reporter said he'd ask his imaginary boss and that was enough for Patrick.

After all, imagine how much trouble Josiah would get in if his imaginary boss found out he was just trolling Patrick?

 

[SoloJoeAcousticShow]

I know I heard the tape MANY times over and just read your summary, but I still can't accept he really is this gay and retarded.

 

[stealthygeek]

Doesn't find an interracial bisexual love triangle between conspiring cybernazis to be pretty farfetched.

This is clearcut proof that liberal Twitter horseshit has completely fucked his feeble mind. Probably thought it was racist/homophobic to notice how obviously fake that scenario is. Great job, Ally.