If SNL was legally bound to produce a sketch written exclusively by the Forums, what would you pitch and who would be in it?

Brooke Shields

Patrick Tomlinson hates me because I am a woman
I got 2

One would be a couple of guys at a bar or something, guy 1 says cool tattoo and 2 shows it to him and explains what it means.
Then guy 1 says I have something to show you, and brings out a crude drawing on looseleaf of something and starts explaining it (like homos with tattoos do).
And then he does it with another one, uses the popular phrasing that tattoo fags use or something, like "I got this one here after my trip in Utah" , the joke being it's just a picture he didn't "get" it and who cares it's just a picture(what tattoo people should realize about themselves)
I don't really have an ending, could be 2 asks 1 why he doesn't get these as tattoos and 1 exclaims "What do you think I'm fucking retarded?"

other one would be about how the music is done on the show Survivor, like behind the scenes stuff
You know how during transition shots there's always drums banging & jungle music and then some guy going "AHHHHHH" or "wwwUHH wwwUHHH wwwwAAAAHHH"
And the truth of it is some guy just has a black guy captured and does creative ways of torturing him in order to force those yellings. So it's filmed straight like a behind-scenes, and theres cuts to him using real instuments and equipment, and then there's a shot of him blow-torching a teeball bat which he then uses to slice down the guys back and he goes "OOOHHHH AAaghghhhh" and then they show how all of those sounds were used in a cutscene of the show.

I like #2
i would have the Weekend Update (w/ guest Dan Mullen) present the Fatrick swattings news storyline, then do an exposé on him bringing up his pedo connections, arrest record, fake tough guy act, bernell murder, torswats accusations etc and shortly after have the venue swatted for a bomb threat in the middle of the next segment