I walked two miles in Pat’s shoes this morning.

[FrogmanKurlan]

I bought a surplus rucksack last year and strapped a 35lbs weight to the frame. It’s a good way to get a decent workout on a hike.
That was getting pretty easy so I added a 25lbs weight and went for my first hike with the extra weight this morning.
I’m 6’2” and currently I weight 230lbs. The most I ever weighted was about 260lbs when I was playing football in high school. Well with the rucksack and rifle I clocked in at 310lbs.
It wasn’t to bad but my ankles and feet were starting to bitch at only one mile when I stopped to do a little target shooting while my heart rate was up and then I headed back to the house.

On my way back it did occur to me that this experiment was missing a few factors.
A: I wasn’t piss drunk like Pat tends to be
B: Not a faggot

I might retry the experiment later after a few beers but I’m not gonna start greasing the unions even for da show.
In conclusion, Pat is fat and should really loose some weight.

 

[Brooke Shields]

if Patrick didn't admit to "spraining" his ankle on a curb (thus admitting to cheating) for that fun-run, i could've just assumed he rolled it like a fat guy his his cankles gave out

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

yeah sure but how many fast food franchises did you set in space? Some? Or none? Yeah, that's what I thought, child. Now hike your ass the fuck OUTTA HERE

 

[FrogmanKurlan]

yeah sure but how many fast food franchises did you set in space? Some? Or none? Yeah, that's what I thought, child. Now hike your ass the fuck OUTTA HERE

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 

[Gay Faggot.]

Thank you for doing the research for me. Same height and only 5-10 lbs lighter. Keep in mind Rick is probably only about 5’10” at the highest. Truly must be awful to be so fat, stupid and gay.

 

[Meownaw]

No wonder there was an earthquake

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

You need to drink nothing but Mountain Dew for 20 straight years to get your testerone levels low enough to have the true Tomlinson experience. Shit, I wouldnt want to get off the couch either if I was him.

 

[Easily_Remembered]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

So what is the origin of this classic copypasta?

 

[Will Tate]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

There really needs to be a Pat-centric variant of this.

 

[DominusOdium]

Now your feet smell of microwaved pork rinds.

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

There really needs to be a Pat-centric variant of this.

I tried to get his "the origin of my Twitter handle" speech going as a copypasta on reddit, but it only got me insults and instant bans from a number of subs.

Here it is. I still think it's pasta worthy, but maybe it's not long/crazy enough:

My Twitter handle is @stealthygeek. The reason for that is I love football. AMERICAN football. Not that game of footsie they play overseas. I love football, I ride motorcycles, I drive a muscle car. Like, I do things that are seen in other circles as being more traditionally masculine. I work out a lot. You know, things like that.

And so, but at the same time, I have a Lord of the Rings tattoo on my arm, an armband tattoo of the script from the One Ring, ok? I'm a NERD, too. Like, big time. But I wanted to be able to blend those things because I think that the distinctions between them are completely artificial and unnecessary.

 

[FrogmanKurlan]

So what is the origin of this classic copypasta?

Navy Seal Copypasta

"Navy Seal Copypasta" is an angry rant post that gained online notoriety for its abundance of ridiculous self-flattery a

amp.knowyourmeme.com

I’m not sure I remember seeing it on Reddit years back and I’m to much of a Tomlinson to read the article that I pulled it from

 

[FrogmanKurlan]

There really needs to be a Pat-centric variant of this.

Yeah i was just thinking that I should have added a few childs here and there

 

[NoBacon]

It’s weird to think about actually, I’ve never weighed more than 180lb, and even then I felt sluggish and heavy. It must be horrible being a big fat slob carrying around all that fat.

I’m 5”9 so I guess I’m pretty small but still.

I hate fat people. It’s your own selfish lazy fault you’re a disgusting fatso.

 

[Easily_Remembered]

It’s weird to think about actually, I’ve never weighed more than 180lb, and even then I felt sluggish and heavy. It must be horrible being a big fat slob carrying around all that fat.

I’m 5”9 so I guess I’m pretty small but still.

I hate fat people. It’s your own selfish lazy fault you’re a disgusting fatso.

It's one thing to be fat. But to vehemently deny that you're fat when it's painfully obvious to anyone with a set of functional eyes is just fucking infuriating.