How to become a playboy like me, your good pal, Dougie. It's called the DOUGIE system.

[guest]

Soon you'll be a playboy, just like me.

D - Decide who you wanna fuck.
Do NOT lower your standards. I know you might think it's easier to fuck that fat chick, but trust me, if you're white you can fuck any asian chick you want. Even if they were raised in a western country, it's in their genes to want to fuck white boy.

O - Offer your time.
As a white man with a high paying job, your time is valuable. Little do they know you just sit around shitposting on opie and anthony forum all day. Offer to take them out to dinner, at a fancy restaurant. They'll be flattered you're making time for them, and jump at the opportunity.

U - Understand them
On the date, ask them about their stupid boring predictable lives. Pretend you understand them, their troubles, etc. "Le white rich man is interested in ME?"

G - Go for it
Start rubbing their body with your hand, like petting them on the date. Elevate to kissing. You can do this on the first date, none ever resist.

I - Insert penis in vagina
Self explanatory.

E - Exit
Leave! And never return! Block her on all apps etc.

 

[Dog Eater]

Ooh that’s pretty funny for a drunk thread. You must be sobering up.

 

[guest]

Ooh that’s pretty funny for a drunk thread. You must be sobering up.

It took a lot of effort to write. I've moved onto spirits now though, I feel sober, like music is affecting me less.