"Welcome home to this picture of paradise. "
So it's not paradise, just a picture of it?
"This stunning home boasts every amenity one can imagine."
I'm sure it does, if your imagination is limited to an in-ground pool and basement karaoke.
"Elegance greets you at the entry hallway."
Only if Elegance is the name of Ant's new tranny "girl"friend.
"Five well appointed bedrooms, Five full baths and two half baths."
Five whole bedrooms? This is a real castle.
"Chef's Kitchen opens up to the Family Room with vaulted ceilings."
Chef's Kitchen has never contained a chef, Family Room has never had a family.
"A backyard paradise awaits you complete with in ground salt water pool, hot tub, fire pit area with pergola and pool house with half bath."
An eight of an acre paradise only rivaled by the pool area of a Motel 6.
"Private Movie Theater and Full Pub Style Bar in the lower level."
Wow, a private movie theater? I thought a house would have a public movie theater. And Full Pub Style Bar? You mean a wooden shelf of Captain Morgan and Coke?
"85KW whole house generator."
Why yes, the previous owner was a paranoiac with delusions of non-faggotry in an apocalypse.
"See attached amenity sheet for further details."
What other details? It's not a fucking mansion, this about wraps it up.
'This is the home that you have been dreaming of."
If you were a successful radio show host with no taste before you lost your career.
So it's not paradise, just a picture of it?
"This stunning home boasts every amenity one can imagine."
I'm sure it does, if your imagination is limited to an in-ground pool and basement karaoke.
"Elegance greets you at the entry hallway."
Only if Elegance is the name of Ant's new tranny "girl"friend.
"Five well appointed bedrooms, Five full baths and two half baths."
Five whole bedrooms? This is a real castle.
"Chef's Kitchen opens up to the Family Room with vaulted ceilings."
Chef's Kitchen has never contained a chef, Family Room has never had a family.
"A backyard paradise awaits you complete with in ground salt water pool, hot tub, fire pit area with pergola and pool house with half bath."
An eight of an acre paradise only rivaled by the pool area of a Motel 6.
"Private Movie Theater and Full Pub Style Bar in the lower level."
Wow, a private movie theater? I thought a house would have a public movie theater. And Full Pub Style Bar? You mean a wooden shelf of Captain Morgan and Coke?
"85KW whole house generator."
Why yes, the previous owner was a paranoiac with delusions of non-faggotry in an apocalypse.
"See attached amenity sheet for further details."
What other details? It's not a fucking mansion, this about wraps it up.
'This is the home that you have been dreaming of."
If you were a successful radio show host with no taste before you lost your career.
