Andy Espresso sat on his sofa, in a state of shock, still clutching his ever-present beer. A few feet away was his life partner Gavin, naked, on his knees with his face buried in the carpet, his big hairy ass sticking up in the air, dead as a doornail. Andy sobbed.
"Mr. Espresso" said the detective, "we're still trying to ascertain what happened here. Could you please share the details of what you and the deceased were doing prior to his death?"
"I TOLD you what happened! I...I...shot him! It was an accident!" he lisped through his veil of tears.
"Mr. Espresso, we heard you, but we see no signs of a gunshot wound here. We're totally stumped."
"It...it was a game we played sometimes. Gavin loved putting things up his ass. Candles, beer bottles, whatever he thought would fit. I was sashaying around with my gun, and Gavin asked me to...to...to put the barrel in his ass. I rubbed some baby oil on it, then I pushed it in...then (sob)..."
"Go on, Mr. Espresso."
"(Sob) Then it went off somehow! I don't know how! We'd been drinking pretty heavily", Andy softly simpered.
"Are you telling me that...?"
The detective leaped to his feet and took a closer look at Gavin's vile, exposed ass. "Well I'll be fucked in half. No wonder we couldn't find an entrance wound!"
"GAVIN! MY BEAUTIFUL GAVIN! YOU WERE TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS WORLD! Oh God, why couldn't we just be openly gay together? None of this would have happened!" simpered Andy, as he buried his weathered, cratered face in his hands.
"Well Mr. Espresso, we're just gonna write this one up as death by misadventure. But in the future, Mr. Espresso, I would suggest using a regular dildo, or one of those anal egg things."
"THEY'RE NOT ANAL EGGS! THEY OPEN UP AND YOU FUCK THEM LIKE A VAGINA!" Andy hysterically squealed.
